Walk Around Heaven All Day!

That is what she is doing...she is walking around heaven all day and able to not have a care about what goes on down here on earth. I think that if our loved ones made it to heaven they might not have a clue (earthly clue) of what goes on down here...and why would they even care? I do know that our loved ones who are no longer with us miss us as well, but they have done a great job on Earth. They have fought the fight and were able to earn their long robe and get to hear stories straight from Jesus and meet Him...hug Him..say thank you to Him face to face for the sacrifice of His life for the sake of our own. I do not think there is a need to see the hurt, pain, and despair here. It is time to celebrate and see all of the others that they know or have heard of and share in a joy of talking about how they got over. I am sure they take glimpses of our lives to make sure we are doing well and to see only the good things that are occurring in our lives, but the bad...I doubt they see it. Why would you want to view negativity in paradise?

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Today is not only my birthday...it's mother's day too!!

Me and my crazy mind always doing my own thing and not joining into the cliche'. I don't celebrate holidays when people want you to. For example, I am not one who celebrates Valentines Day when most of country (United States)does. That is too common and silly. Do what others do for the sake of doing it? Not me!

The specific case I will talk about is on this day! For me and many others today is Mother's Day! My mother gave birth to me on this day, so this is the day in which she became a mother. I feel that birthdays are also days that should be celebrated jointly with mothers because it is their day that they birthed a new person into the world. So Happy Birthday to me...and Happy Mother's Day to my mommy! I miss you and I love you!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Married...Part Time.

I have a couple of friends that are married...part time. In other words the ring of trust (wedding band) goes on the ring finger when it is necessary and then disappears into their pants pocket when it is advantageous. I am not one who supports this ridiculous crap. In addition, one of these people happens to have a wife that is over 9 months pregnant and tried to talk to one of my female friends...WHAT? I could not beleive it when it was brought to my attention and I was very upset and apologized to my female friend for that type of mess.

Another friend of mine...we have NEVER seen a photo nor has he ever brough his wife to any of the parties I have hosted or any of the happy hours we have gone to. He says that his wife is "not very social and does not like to go out a lot". So I guess that is the reason he slips the wedding band off and attempts to talk to some of the ladies in the bar....and probably does his thing on the side. Such a horrible thing!

I am quite upset concerning these dishonest and stupid actions. How can you go home to your wife (or husband) and wake up next to them when you are not satisfied with the decision that was made to wed them? Do not try to live like you are not married when you actually are, it is WRONG! You are married full time not when you want to be. It is not just men...it is women also. If you do not want a ring of trust then say NO or I DON'T at the alter!!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

One more battle left...

It is true...I have one more battle left and that is all I need right now. I have finally sold my mother's house and it feels good. All of the drama I had with the real estate agents and title companies is done. I am glad of it. It took longer to close on the house that it took to sell it...GO FIGURE!! I can just lay my head on my pillow and say thank Jesus. I have one more battle left and Lord knows I am primed and ready for this one. There is nothing I will accept that is less than a win. My mother is gone and I have accepted that, but I am not going to accept the enablers of this tragedy not taking the responsibility of their lack and apathy of proper medical procedures and care! If you thought I have fought through other things before...wait til you see me fight now! No excuses, not personal, just plain and shrewd Clint!!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Live Music...The Brand New Heavies Edition!

I don't think I have ever been so excited as I have been when I went to see the Brand New Heavies. I remembering practicing Jan's drum syncopation's over and over of every album right down to to when he would hit the hi-hat to a fill. I patterned my style of play to his and also to that of drummers who played for James Brown. I am grateful that I was able to see them with the great seats I had.

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Spontaneous Reactions...Part 3

This will probably be very random..and thus why this blog is entitled...the above.

I have to say that as far as my life is rolling right now I can't complain. I am out of debt and just taking care of business. I have to replenish my savings but hey I have more money to build with instead of paying bills.

I wish the 49ers would get it together...come on team let's do this. we can still win the NFC West and get into the playoffs!

I officially DO NOT have to go back to the 757 for anything unless I want to visit. This will be the first time in my life I will not have a place to stay. Wow, that is something.

I don't have a pace to go for the holidays..it is okay I guess...I will try to take a vacation or something...I am thinking of Vegas!

For some odd reason I am now attracting more women...I don't know why? I will admit that I do think about Bennett at times, but that is over and done..I wish stuff would have been different but oh well. I am enjoying the new attention, but I am still sticking by my guns and not going to entertain anything more that leads to me being in a relationship or the dreaded marriage word.

I am looking for more things to do now. I have been to some parties and concerts. I feel like I am having fun again. I don't know where this is coming from, but hey I am liking it.

My drastic weight loss has now made some people upset. I am like oh no...this must be done. I have to get back to the size I was last year. My method of doing this is working pretty well and not as volatile as it was a few years ago. I am very glad of that.

I suppose that overall I am getting happier as the days go by. I do think about mom and what the possibilities are for my life in the near future and in some respects I am excited and in others I am just scared to death...all in all I am getting prepared and I feel I will handle it well.

I need to make an appointment to get the rest of my things from the school. I will donate the computers to them..maybe take one ..and ask them to donate it in the name of my mother and ask for a tax write off paper...yeah that will work.

I am having a party this weekend..this has been a season of many parties at my house and I am finding it fun. I have not been one to have a lot of stuff at my house but hey since the crib is looking tight and I have the room I should go for it.

I am very happy that Alex had her own place and that her Poppa is doing great. I am also surprised that she stayed at my crib for a week and well...it wasn't too bad. I am not one who plays house or ever had a roommate but it was cool.

I can feel that old Clint coming back slowly but surely and that is something some people do not want to see. I am not concerned with the opinions of others and how they view me. I am that good and I am that great!!

Just for the hell of it I might add a picture to this blog..lol.

My birthday is in a week, and I must say I do still look younger than my age! I have noticed some people from high school and college and they look old and well they look old and like their life has been really really hard! God bless them though!

I listened to a tape of my radio show from some years back...wow I was good...I would love to do radio again!

I am also getting the urge to play again! Look out because this time the whole band will be back together!!

I need to go to Busboys and Poets sometime soon and spit some new poetry.

I am going to put that pic somewhere...well it is up at the top!

This is it for now!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

THE DEVIL'S GROCERY STORE!

I’M SURE KNOW YOU NOTICED THE BANNER THAT READ
GET WHAT YOU NEED
ACT ANYWAY THAT YOU PLEASE
ATTAIN WHAT YOU WANT AND MORE
THERE’S ALWAYS A GRAND OPENING
AT THE DEVIL'S GROCERY STORE

SEXY TRICKS AND GIGGAHOES
THE TYPES THAT ALL CRACKHEADS AND PIMPS KNOW
GREET YOU AS SOON AS YOU ENTER
GRAB A CART
NO COUPONS ACCEPTED HERE
NO NEED FOR A SAVINGS CLUB CARD
YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO FEAR

IF YOURE HUNGRY THAT’S COOL
GLUTTONY IS FOUND AS AISLE NUMBER TWO
WEVE GOT MORE THAN ENOUGH FOOD
TO QUENCH AND SATISFY YOU
TAKE WHAT YOU NEED, PARTICULARLY
WHAT YOU DESIRE AND WANT
OUR SUPPLY IS RESTOCKED INSTANTLY,
IN A FLASH, AT ONCE

YOU MENTIONED THAT YOU ARE HORNY
THAT WE CAN FIX
LUST IS LOCATED AS AISLE NUMBER SIX
TAKE ANY SEXUAL ACT YOU WANT
THE FETISH THAT YOU NEED
FROM OUR SPECIALIZED AND EXPERIENCED EMPLOYEES
YES THEY LOVE TO GIVE AND RECEIVE
AND TRUST THEY HAVE NO HINT OF ANY DISEASE

SOMEONE MADE YOU ANGRY?
COME ON AND FOLLOW ME
WHAT YOU NEED IS ENVY
AND IT’S LOCATED AS AISLE NUMBER THREE
OUR COLOR CODED PRODUCT BOXES ARE TAME
SO THE GREEN IS NOT SO EXTREME
AND WITH EVERY BOX OF ENVY
THERE CONTAINS A TOY
USE THE JEALOUSY ANY WAY YOU WISH
AND I AM SURE YOU WILL ENJOY

DID YOU SAY YOU WERE TIRED
OF NOT HAVING ENOUGH
AND YOU WANT MORE?
I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO GREED
THAT IS AISLE NUMBER FOUR
EVERYBODY IS PLEASED
WHEN THEY TAKE THEIR CARTS THROUGH HERE
PEOPLE CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH
BECAUSE MORE POWER EQUALS MORE FEAR

YOU MENTIONED YOU HAD PAIN, HURT, AND RAGE
ALL BOILING INSIDE
WHAT YOU OUGHT TO TRY IS WRATH IN AISLE NUMBER FIVE
DON’T WAIT FOR YOUR SAVIOR TO TAKE HIS SWEET TIME
JUST FORGET WHAT HE EXCLAIMED
PICK A CAN TO INDUCE ON THE PEOPLE YOU WANT
AND WATCH THEN SUCCOMB TO YOUR PAIN

I HEARD YOU WERE TIRED AND NEEDED A VACATION
I’VE GOT THE CURE AND I KNOW IT WILL SOOTH YOU FINE
SLOTH IS NOT TOO FAR LOCATED IN AISLE NUMBER NINE
IDLENESS WILL PROVE THAT ALL YOUR
WORK MAY NOT BE DONE
BUT LOOK AT ALL THAT IS IN YOUR CART
AND I WOULD SAY YOU ARE THE LUCKY ONE

WALK OVER TO THE CHECK OUT COUNTER
AND THE STORE MANAGER WILL GREET AND MEET YOU THERE
NOW MY FRIEND YOU CAN NEVER CLAIM
EVER AGAIN THAT LIFE
ESPECIALLY YOURS IS NOT FAIR

HELLO SIR OR MADAM
AS THE CASE MAY BE
I AM SURE YOU HAVE FOUND ALL OF OUR ITEMS
WITH FRESHNESS AND SATISFACTION GUARANTEED

WHAT IS THAT? YOU SAY I LOOK FAMILIAR
AND I WOULD SAY YOU ARE RIGHT
I’M THE ONE YOUR MOTHER PRAYED AGAINST
YOU KNOW THE DARKNESS
OPPOSITE OF LIGHT
SO NOW YOU ASK THE COST
WELL THE PRICE YOU HAVE PAID IS YOUR LIFE

SO SORRY MY FRIEND YOU DIDN’T NOTICE THE SIGN WHEN YOU
FIRST WALKED IN
THE ONLY FUNDS WE TAKE HERE IS
AN ABUNDANCE OF YOUR UNFORGIVEN SIN
IT’S TOO LATE TO TURN BACK
DO YOU FEEL THAT HEAT ON YOUR SKIN?
WHY DONT YOU PEOPLE READ THE SMALL PRINT
ON THE SIGNS BEFORE YOU ENTER IN


GO ON AND CALL OUT FOR HIM
THE SAME WAY HE DID FOR YOU
AS SOON AS YOU STEPPED INTO THIS STORE
THERE IS NO MORE PURSUIT
NOW IT IS YOU HE DOES NOT KNOW
AND I AM HERE WAITING TO START UP THE SHOW
PLEASE STOP YOUR HOLLERING AND CRYING
I ANTICIPATE THE JOY TO WATCH
AND HEAR YOUR SOUL CRISPING AND FRYING
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT FOR ETERNITY NON-STOP

SO CLOSE YOUR EYES
I KNOW YOU ARE SATISFIED
YOU SHOULD HAVE CHOSE HIM
TOO LATE TO GET SANCTIFIED
BEFORE YOU ENTER THE DEEPER PARTS
AND FIERY SEGMENTS OF HELL
DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER FRIENDS
WHO WOULD ENJOY THE PRODUCTS WE SELL
IF NOT THEN THAT’S OKAY
I HAVE NEVER NEEDED A CUSTOMER'S HELP BEFORE
ALL ARE SATISFIED THAT ENTER
THER DEVIL'S GROCERY STORE

I Love You But God Love's You More!

I Am...The Sideline Guy!

Alright I must admit that she is sexy! I don’t know if it is her disposition or mystery she possesses, but she is damn sexy to me. She has beautiful skin…smooth near mocha perfection, honey brown complexion…yummy indeed (I can only imagine), and well maintain hands and nails…that is very important to me. The catch is that I know what she is in relationship-wise and she does make time for me…yeah I ca admit it and take my role on this team…I am the sideline guy!

It is cool with me though. We have plenty in common with each other. We are both from the 757, both went to Governor’s School for music, and we both know some of the same people. To augment that, we both are only children and ...wait for it…wait for it…she has no children! This goddess that I do not have a nickname for at this time is about 5 or 6 years older than me but hey I can deal with that. It is quite odd because… I know there was a mutual attraction when we first met and we conversed from that point on and she told me the deal. There was no hiding the fact but she wanted me to know that there is a possibility (this does not go against earlier posts about me being alone forever, I still do believe and accept that)… I know I am the sideline guy!

So what is the sideline guy? That is when I or any guy can sit back and chill…do what I want to do with whomever…knowing that she is in a “relationship” (notice not married)! She is in a “relationship”, that is not good and not bad. It is indifferent and since right now I am doing me and what I want to do it works for me. The dangerous thing about being the sideline guy is that you wait for your chance to substitute in the game when the starter can not play, is on injured reserve (he pissed her off), or is removed from playing consideration (she dumps him and wishes him well in his future endeavors). I like that she has let me know this and we communicate in an open and honest fashion. We chill when we can and that is all that is needed. She is doing her thing and I will do mine, but when we chill together, it is just about us.

I have never been this excited and elated about being on the sideline, but I do recognize that a lot could happen. One of us (not me) could catch feelings and want more, knowing that it is not possible at that time. I might just want to stay on the sideline and not have any other role. Hell she might have many on the sideline and I am not the only one…it is possible. I just say that the sideline guy is looked upon in a bad way, but remember in any event whether in real life or on the sports field…you get paid either way! Notice though I am not on the bench!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

The Reasons You May Not Like Me!

For the past several weeks I have made a lot of changes. most of it dealing with people that I know. I was told that by a current friend that it is alarming how I am quick to dissolve friendships with people and think of all of them as expendable...well not all of them are expendable but hey I am a loner so if people want to go then adios! I know why I am this way and it has prompted me to not really care for the most part, because I don't. The reasons that will be expressed in this blog are all real life occurrences and well, it is a story that could happen to anyone. I am not saying my story is the worse, but it is one that gives me the attitude that I have. It has given me that "chip" on my shoulder, and a disposition that only a FEW can take. I often wonder why it is only a FEW, but I think people have a grand facade and like to promote their facade and ignorance towards life knowing that their facade is not the truth!

Before I was born I remember my mother telling me that she had to go in front of the church, before the deacons, and apologize for having a child or being pregnant out of wedlock. I suppose that begin the rogue nature of my existence because I know my mother didn't like it. Why did she apologize in front of a bunch of men? And some of them were trying to sleep with her...I do not know, but she did it because of my grandparents...who are not really my grandparents. They are biologically, my great uncle and great aunt, but since they did the job, they get the title. I do know who my grandparents are on both sides of my family, but they are deceased. My biological father did not claim me as his own...more to come on that subject later, but my mother did happen to find another man that she thought would love her! Well to make a long story short this sorry excuse for a man beat her up and beat me up! My mother took it for a short amount of time and when she got him back, she got him back good...iron cookware seems to come in handy to bust someones ass! The aftermath was something else though. He stalked us into our new residence and well he hit my mother so hard that she was knocked out cold and I had to call 911. I do also remember her having to go into surgery and it was rough seeing that at a young age but I suppose it was for a reason. Mom got over that and divorced him and moved on with our lives. I can say that my mother was an enabler of sorts because she put up with some stuff she didn't have to from men. I do partly blame her because she was a heck of a woman. college educated, had her own, and some of these men were not on her level. She gave them a chance anyway. To make a long story short she got married against my wishes in 1992..and well she got divorced in 1996. We moved from her dream house during a hurricane in 1997...we went through a lot. Many of the things that happened and despair to follow came from the one thing that we did and got burned on TRUST! Now to my reasoning.

I have been through a lot. Bio-dad told me I was his at 16...met my grandparents on his side...only with in that same week to say I wasn't his child. I had to take care of my sick grandparents from 1989 to 1995. helped my mother through that. I watched them deteriorate and well grandfather from lung cancer and grandmother from Alzheimer's (which is a horrible disease)! Many might not know but I SHOULD HAVE been number one in my high school graduating class, but the principal and a math teacher who was putting wrong grades in her grade book, found a way to screw me out of it. I was taking college courses in high school and well my GPA was higher than everyone else. I have seen one of my friends die in a tragic accident in Jr. High school. I was screwed out of continuing my degree from the university I wanted to go to by my mother's second husband. I have been homeless, sick, in hunger, destitute, flat broke, in love, out of love, without a car, without a job, on the street, tricked, used, abused, so on and so forth. This is not give me sympathy moment.

I am now to the point after losing my mother the way I lost her and after enduring all of this (with God's grace) ask myself what else do I have to go through? I have been through it all and I think of myself now as invincible. There is nothing right now that I can not take. I am a realist, I do not take pleasure in the pretty picture that everyone likes to post. It is just a representative of a snapshot of time and not the full story. These pictures are silent words in time! I have said that many people speak cliche's to others to make them "feel good" but not feed the truth. In all of these situations I have been through, I was able to survive and have the best of everything through the bad times. I was able to walk out of every hospital I was rolled into. I am now a college graduate with 2 degrees and did not miss a step and graduated on time. I was still able to bounce back from the homeless situation and now be financially strong and stable. With the loss of my mother I expect greater and better things to come from this. I am not a pessimist, nor am I am optimist. I am a realist and visionary.

I do not stroke egos and tell my friends what they want to hear. I speak things plain and clear and if they are upset, oh well it is not my place to speak something to them that is not true...I am transparent and many can not respect nor do they accept it. They still look at that snapshot...the silent words of a picture and feel that it is continuous, when it is just a and non-changing static figure of life.

I have also learned that it is not about me. Whatever will happen, will happen because God said so and that is it! It is not a matter of Him controlling everything (such as free will) but His perspective is so great and so wide that He knows what the final outcome will be.

I do not see the color in situations I see black or white...right or wrong...I will not see the color because it yields to confusion. I have heard and seen people try to rationlize the wrong and make it right knowing damn well they are wrong and nothing but wrong. It seems to be a pattern that is sickening to me and I refuse to accept it. If you look at a traffic light the red...means stop...the green means go...the yellow...causes all of the confusion. If a man stole bread to feed his family or if a man stole because he was hungry, it does not matter, stealing...it is wrong! If people would take a stand on right and wrong and not try to use the max/min principle of living (maximum amount of benefit for the minimum amount of work) there wiould be so many wonderful changes in the world!

I am a tough person and I will remain that way! I do not walk the road that everyone travels and I take pride in walking the road that is less traveled. It does get rough at times and I sometimes want to move to the road that has already been paved with tons of traffic...but for some reason...maybe the resolve in me...maybe the challenge in me...maybe that crazy aspect in my brain...I want to walk to my own tune and knock down the doors I need to, for my own satisfaction and my own knowledge! Many know I will do that and make my mistakes and be okay with it...I know I will make then. I just accept them and learn from it and vow not to make the same one again.

Many people do not like the tough folks because we don't stand in the shadows of sympathy and utter emotional B.S. Get up do what you want to do and screw what those other people think! Just face the facts! More folks are worried about how they look in the morning rather than how they look to God! More peopole are concerned with their title or rank in the world rather than the ultimate title of being a child of God! So if you do not like me that is fine. I am cool with it because I don't need anyone but God. I have a short time on this Earth and I am an endangered species...there is only one me...and while I am here I will make the best of the opportunities that will benefit me and possibly benefit others. There is a line of one of my favorite gospel tunes called Hold To God's Unchanging Hand...it says:

Trust in Him who will not leave you
Whatsoever the years may bring
If thy earthly friends forsake you
Still more closely to Him cling

That is how I live. That is how I will live! Mommy taught me well and I don't mind singing it and shouting it to any and everyone! Live people...be tough...be humble...be faithful to right...reject wrong!

I Love You But God Loves You More!

The Battle You Do Not Want To Fight

I am a Chemist. I take pride in being in the field of science but not when you are called a Neo-Nazi, Baby/Infant Killer, War-Monger, and the most controversial of things before any of these aforementioned in my opinion, an ATHEIST! I will say I have battled this for years, the ability to keep my religious views and faith in God intact while staying true to my factual and quantitative scientific training. If you have no idea about this please let me help you to understand.

SCENARIO ONE:
I was taught long before anything that God created the heaven and the earth and that He created everything. On the flip side I was taught that the Big Bang Theory was the reason that life was created and that particles fused during this expansion to create what we know today as our solar system. From the fusing of protons during this expansion we create atoms of different kinds to form elements, and that the main elements that helped to create life through amino acids and proteins were Carbon, Oxygen, Hydrogen, and Nitrogen.

See the conflict that one may have. So people then question God since you can not see Him nor have any idea that He is really around. We can see atoms and detect particles and create new elements and compounds.

SOLUTION ONE:
God created everything and when I say everything I mean everything. He allowed the Big Bang to happen and thus create the atoms and particles that we use to quantify creation.

SCENARIO TWO:
I was taught that God moves in ways to help people advance and that "Intelligent Design" meaning that we can explain the that the "evolution" of animals including humans came from another means...God! In essence it is a modern form of the traditional theleological argument for the existence of God, but one which avoids specifying the nature or identity of the designer. Tt is a refuting of evolution made famous by Darwin and his theories that are taught universally, and "intelligent design" is for the most part banned! I know of some professors based in the D.C. area that have been fired from even mentioning "intelligent design" in their classes, journals, or scientific conferences.

On the scientific side of things we are taught that it is natural selection which species will be able to survive due to mutations within their genetic codes. Darwin's theories have made the headway for this and is accepted today. It is commonly taught that ancient man evolved from and ape-like creature into what he is today. Furthermore, it is also taught by academia that particular animals are related to each other by analogous structures found in ancient fossils and connections from one animal genre to another.

SOLUTION TWO:
God made these animals different ways, shapes, forms, and kinds. These animals He thought would be an addition to our inquisitive minds and so He left traces of them through the fossil record and other means using Carbon-14 dating and well you get the idea. So there are no dinosaurs around because they are not alive and around today but imagine if they were? There are no apes that will be evolving into men anymore so imagine if they were still around? If you notice that all of these animals dead. alive, endangered, extinct, and so on had hearts, eyes, ate food, pooped their food waste products out...so on and so forth.

The latter two scenarios are just the tip of the iceberg for a scientist to remain within their faith and still remain true to their love of science. I have had this battle for years and I had to make a choice. Yes I do believe in God and will not reject that faith. In addition, I am also a scientist that has worked with several factions of study and happen to have verifiable proof of what is and what isn't...BUT there are some things I can not explain and other scientists can not explain for the most part such as:

Why did the Big Bang happen?
How can a brown cow eat green grass and produce white milk?
Air combined is made of extremely flammable substances, why does it not ignite when heated and kill all mankind?

The questions can go on and on..only God knows. So I will take solace in what I know to be fact and leave the rest to Him!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

The Total Package

I was told that I have it going on...I've got the "total package" and that I should be dating someone or have a wife and some children by now. On those notions I said thank you,smiled,laughed,and walked away. I know that for some ladies it seems that a guy that has education, moderate good looks, independent, no children, drug free, alcohol free, and so on and so forth should be at the top of a woman's list to date. That is not always the case. Many ladies DO NOT want a successful man. Yes you read correctly! It is not that we are not wanted, it is that we are not needed. Most women I have come in contact with are either at my level, or slightly below. Okay I will not lie and say that some are not even near my level, and in some cases it matters and in other cases it doesn't...to some men. As for me...it does matter, but I digress.

Many ladies want a man they can control...and with this control they have the upper hand. They will take a man that has a roommate and living with siblings and put that man in her household...stating as a reason that she doesn't want him in "that' environment. Whatever "that" means! She will also take a look at the education and skills he may or many not have and put him on to a new job or schooling that will lead into a career...she doesn't want that man to appear inferior especially when she tells her friends what he does for a living(provided if she has told her friends the juicy details of her new interest). In addition, she will even discard of the old wardrobe that man has and start fresh and new. Making sure the fragrances matches the body chemistry he may have. Coordinating the colors he may wear to his skin tone. Selecting pieces that bring out features she would like to accentuate from the flat front or pleated pants to a single breasted or double breasted sports jacket. Moreover a woman may even take the time to work on table manners by saying subtle things such as,"Don't smack sweetie." or "I can see all of the food you are chewing honey, please!" it can continue to minute things to how to taste wine, to eating at fine restaurants, to having a nice looking wallet and time piece, to taking a man for a manicure and the list can go on and on. This may sound like a long shot but believe me I have seen it for myself when out on double dates and from what some of my friends both female and male have told me.

Then when this man has been created and is unleashed, this women thinks that this man will stick around. The outer appearance, the table manners, the style of clothing, the career, you might be able to change, but the mind is a different matter that only the man can change. So when a lady has put her time and effort into this man...don't think that other ladies don't see this and want to try their hand at this new man that you "created"! He is living off of what you did from your good will and thoughts..do not get too upset if your creation turns on you and is not taking the directions of it's "creator" or "master"! He gets full of himself due to your actions and realizes that he can find better than his "master" or "creator"! Just because the sex might be good...that is not going to make him stay!!

All of a sudden when this TYPE of scenario plays out the ladies then want an already established and independent fellow that has the "total package".

Me having the "total package" doesn't mean much to me. I was raised to be a man and take care of my own and have my own. I do not need to depend on a woman for anything and I should not date a woman that is not taking care of her own as well. So I will take my place in the line of those guys that have the total package, but ladies do not think I am obligated to share it with you...because I am not! You can get your own package and be proud of how you got there. DO NOT use others to carry out your own wishes and dreams, you might be standing there with an open package and you just holding a bag...as a bag lady!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

What a hug can bring!!!

I am still in awe about that hug we shared. The last person I hugged for that long...if for that long was my mother! I will not deny and say that I did not enjoy the hug that my friend and I had and that it was confirmation that there are feelings there...but right now it is time to take it slow and enjoy each other as friends. I have said time and time again that I do not want to be with anyone ever, but something tells me that as hard as I fight it and as much as I resist...I just might not have my wishes respected or come true.

I am not afraid of being alone (because I am) and many people are, but I simply do not trust people and have a very hard time believing anyone. It is not that I do not try, but I have had a history of people both men and mostly women tell me a falsehood and try to rationalize it with a bullshit reason. Actions do not speak louder than words...the words and actions must match in my opinion! I have been in that game that I have been thrown into for a long time and many people do not like it when you bring it (their lies and deception) up...you tell them what they told you and then they look and try to make it seem like you are the bad person when all you want that person to do is to acknowledge that they did not keep their word.

Since I have moved to the D.C. area it is simply epidemic the amount of people that have the dependability of an earthquake...you never know when they will be dependable and not deceptive and you have no inference if they ever will be dependable and not deceptive. Their character is like the weather temperature of a day, you can't scientifically or by use of common sense detect it's exact temperature for a moment. I am not perfect but this is the main reason I don't mind being alone...less stress, and less to worry about. I can worry and take care of myself. I can love myself. I don't need anyone else for anything but me!

Even with these thoughts in mind I can say that I trust my friend. We had a slight hiccup earlier in the year but it seems as if things are right where they were when we left off. I can say that I feel happier when we chat and kid around. It feels good!

Sometimes in the chemistry world you fight to combine the suspension of 2 liquids like oil and water, by adding a substance...usually soap that will allow it to mix. Some way (without getting too technical) it comes together due to its molecules able to mix and because of the soap being in the solution. If anything there will take a lot of soap to mix me in the relationship testtube and suspension. I don't see it and it will never happen!!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!!

A Message for the Gay and Lesbian Community...CHILL OUT!!!!

I am not gay or a homosexual...I have pride in my sexuality just as the gay and lesbian community does. I can say as a Black man I have been treated in some aspects differently and denied specific things because of my skin color...I can relate for the fight for rights! I have no problem with your decision to live your life the way you would like to...but I do have an issue with the protest held yesterday in the D.C. area. It is not that I do not understand what you want...equal rights that are not subject to proof of your or affirmation of your decision to live the lifestyle in which you live, but there is a time and place for everything and focusing on your rights at THIS particular time does not give you or your fight a good look. There are more pressing things going on in this country that must be taken care of initially and I feel President Obama will then address gay and lesbian issues.
For example, if you do not have a job...that would push the gay and lesbian agenda to the wayside. People who are homosexual and heterosexual are hurting and desperate to work in this declining job market. People want to work and take care of their bills and their families. Coupled with the lack of employment that also means no health care. I would think that being able to be financially and physically healthy would be more important right now than some of the trivial aspects of your agenda. The United States has 2 wars...we are trying to gain the upper hand in Afghanistan and end the other war in Iraq...lives on both fronts are still being lost in the process. There are countless other issues as far as education, crimes committed against and by adolescent children, and crime as a whole are paramount! This seems to be more important to not only heterosexual people, but some with in the gay and lesbian community! That trumps the rights and privileges that you may want at this time. Getting America back to work and providing all Americans with health care seems to me...more urgent than ratification of your causes by the President. Us heterosexual folks know that you have an agenda and that you want to have the perks of the heterosexual...but can you be a bit more patient? President Obama said he will get to it and he heard you all the first time and he acknowledged it. Chill out and let him take care of what is important to ALL Americans and not just your sect!

I Love You But God Loves You More!

Live Music...The Kem Edition!

I love live music and being a muscian has afforded me the opportunity to play on stage in a live setting. I love to play live and go on tour and such. Last night I saw Kem...I must say the brother is awesome live and also recoreded. If you have not seen him live...DO IT!!

I Love You But God Loves You More!!

If you can’t go dutch…don’t get married!

Imagine the ideal situation in which two people that love each other decide that they want to do the ultimate…the paramount…and get married. This would be the end result of the story…but will the product be the same if at some point while dating and creating a sustainable relationship, one person realized that the other party can not go dutch!
We see this all of the time, a man and a woman (in most cases) decide that they are enamored with each other and embark upon a dating relationship. The questions are asked concerning what type of activities that they participate in, types of music they enjoy, genres of movies they take pleasure in watching, even down to the topic of sex…which is usually brought up when the time is right. The dates that the couple participate in are sometimes paid by the man on a consistent basis (because I am a man I say this) and sometimes by the female. The assumption that money is being made by both individuals is substantiated because both are working. Occasionally the amount of their annual salary might be the topic of a conversation later in the relationship, but it is not a serious factor.
Cupidity eventually takes hold of both of them and they realize that they want to do the damn thing…get married. Friends and family are contacted and alerted of the great news and of course the date is not set but it is I the works after a few “minor” details are completed. The female shows the ring off with smiles and affection for this time she knows that her search is finally over for the man she will spend the rest of her life with and initiate a family with is all hers!
The HIV tests are taken, the pre-marriage counseling is another joy to add to their positive interaction and relationship repertoire. They find out they have even more in common than they thought. So of course it is time to achieve one last thing and that is to share each other’s credit report! That’s when all hell breaks loose.
One of them if not both of them have bad credit…credit so awful that it will stunt the process of getting a home and effective financial planning for the future of their marriage and also for a potential family. Buying a home, purchasing a new automobile, old bills that are in collection and unsatisfied judgments to eventually mix with possible new bills and the proclivity of credit denials are the conversation now.
For example, “You never told me you had bad credit?” “When were you going to tell me that your credit was jacked up?” Love should guide us not money! “I thought you loved me for me and not for my money!” “I am working on getting my credit repaired.” “Oh that bill came from something my parents did!” “I was helping out one of my people’s and purchased a cell phone for them in my name and they didn’t pay the bill!”
The list of reasons and statements of discovery and newness can continue but it is true: If you do not have your finances and credit together do not expect to even embark upon a marriage. It is not to say that some situations can not be worked out, but being equally yoked is more than in a spiritual sense, it is also in a sense that the person you decide to settle down with has the congruent awareness that financial management is a part of their character, not just the ability to work and maintain a lifestyle and it is not something to be taken lightly. I wonder if more people took the time and had the conversation about finances and credit, would their relationships last or would their relationships be doomed. If you can’t go dutch…don’t get married!

I Love You But God Loves You More!

Solo Groove...Lost In Your Song

I know tried to do this all myself
Playing by ear gives me no help
It leads to our confusion and nothing else
That’s when I decided to step aside and admit
I’m lost in your song
I can’t keep grooving along trying to be in sync with you
I’m looking to sing your song but I can’t find which chords to use
I truly don’t know what instrument to choose
There is no rhyme to your lyrics…no rhythm to sooth my soul
The manuscript does me no justice
I’m lost in your song
What’s the tempo of your heart
Which segment of the beat do I anticipate the syncopated start
I just want to practice and play my part
Tell me what key that I need to tune
I’m lost in your song
When will we end playing solo and be able to perform
Some way and some how this parted ensemble will be joined
I don’t mind standing off stage from the audience and allowing you to conduct
I’m lost in your song


I Love You But God Loves You More!

It's October...Let the excitement begin!

So I have made it to the first day of the month. This month means a lot to me...many instances of change have occurred in this month. Octobers have usually started an incline in my life experiences. On this day back in 1991 at 9:30am, my grandfather died. It is significant for me because we do share the same name...although the first and middle names are interchanged while the last name is the same, but it was the time in which death was real to me and I started to grow to understand more concerning the cycles of life. I will say that it did not hit me hard until later on in life like my freshman year of college but it has been the start of things in a month that is usually exciting for me. A lot was brought to closure in the October's of my life from relationships, to new jobs, to new opportunities, to a copious amount of new experiences and it got a real large kick off yesterday concerning the house and my lawsuit. I think I am starting to smile as bright and wide as I was back in March and April. I will soon see what is about to happen...because as many surprises as this month brings, I have some surprises of my own!

I Love You But God Loves You More!

Healthcare reform! How gullible are you?

Since my mother was killed (I dare say she died…that is too nice!) by the hands of an incompetent surgeon or group of surgeons I do feel that health care is one of the most important issues to me right now. I am all for changing the system of health care to make it more affordable and to regulate the insurance companies, but I feel a major component of health care reform has been left out, or someone is not talking about it.
One, health care reform should go as far as more stringent documentation and training of these doctors and surgeons to guarantee that people are getting quality care…for a low and/or affordable price. Two, wellness programs should be paramount instead of insurance companies and doctors opting for more expensive and invasive ways to cure the ill…for example physicians suggesting surgeries as the first resort rather than the last and prescriptions that are extremely expensive to obtain other than proven natural options to cure an ill or for it to permanently subside. Don’t prescribe it if it is not truly needed, because a doctor wants to get the most money for the least amount of research and work!
What is the difference from a doctor or surgeon that graduated first in their class from a prized medical school rather than a physician that graduated last? Nothing!! They are both referred to as “doctor”. Thus, are we as consumers and patients getting what we pay for? Are we getting quality based upon the opinion or opinions of doctors and surgeons that have done well in their coursework and their residency? For the most part we could say yes, but a deeper look at it says no. Why is this….EGO!! My mother told me she had the best surgeon working on her to removal a gall stone…but my mother died from mistakes made by the surgical team for a routine and albeit simple procedure. Whether or not the surgeon is coined as the best, what makes that surgeon the best… because a degree from a medical school does not mean a hill of beans! In addition, these surgeons and doctors train soon-to-be colleagues and God forbid they teach them the same awful techniques. This leads to a litany of professionals that happen to operate on patients the same way putting these patients at risk or the extreme…death. Will health care reform put the responsibility of these medical schools, doctors, and surgeons to the utmost scrutiny? I don’t know but I am hoping that this reform will help to put a handle on some of these medical doctors and surgeons.
Furthermore, when do we as consumers and the insured stand up for what we do pay for right now? We should be getting second and third opinions about decisions made from our primary care physician. We should do research on what ails us before we go to the doctor and have a better idea of what could be going on. We should be doing research as to what kinds of tests are being run on us to make sure that it is necessary to run that particular test. As consumers and patients of health care we ought to be taking a look at ways to be well and preventive care to make sure we do not just see the doctor when we are sick or have symptoms of something. Of course this leads back to the money aspect, but are we gullible consumers or informed people that want to make sure that we are getting what we are paying for and not wasting out money? It is amazing how we can go to many different department stores to choose the perfect item of clothing and pay posh costs for them, but do not take the same time and funds about our health. It is not only left up to the government to lead this change, but we do have a responsibility as patrons of this reform as well. We have no excuse to make sure we are healthy and to also challenge and question what our physicians tell us. There is a direct relationship that the insurance companies and physicians have that is extremely unyielding. The latter can also be said about the doctors and pharmaceutical companies. Focus on wellness and get more opinions! Ensure your own health care and reform from the household outward!

I Love You But God Loves You More!

WIDE RIGHT

Let the argument go…
Yes I knew you know
I didn’t mean for it to go wide right
Tried to do what it do…
All just to please that freak in you
I’ll make it better the next time you want me to drive
I mean you were
So rough
And so loud
You almost drew a crowd…
And you know that shit ain’t right
This can’t be the last time…
I promise to wax it ‘til it shines
I’ll make sure it won’t go
Wide right

Accept The Truth!

The realization of still loving someone is not the problem nor will it ever be. The fact remains that person does not love you back. Is that feeling hard to shake? Not really because I have had that feeling before...from another source. There are times when I will feel accepted and other times when I just don't feel it. How do I know? because I have been there once again many times. It happened with the denial from my biological contributor, and numerous times in my love life and recently with another person who wants nothing to do with me...which I have accepted and well...has prompted me to make other decisions that will manifest next month.

The purpose of writing this is to make clear that the old adage or cliche that..."There is someone for everyone!" is not true, not only for me but for many others in the world. I do believe I am supposed to be alone for the rest of my life. As hard as it is to realize it sometimes I do realize it more and more everyday. I have been told many things about me and my attitude and how I trust no one...and my lack of trust has augmented even more from the events of the person who wanted me to "let her in". I do not believe there is a woman for me. There will not be a woman who will love me for me and what not so I do not intend on even trying. Things will become even more difficult to decipher because of the major change to my financial status that will happen as a result of my law suit from the death of my mother...in which I will not give anymore details about until all is said and done. So this is it, I seriously doubt at this time that I am someone a woman might want nor would like to have. I am not mad or sad about it...I am being realistic.

I Love You... But God Loves You More!