Lord Knows I'm Trying

 

The past few days have been a struggle.  Yesterday was bad since the 49ers lost the NFC Championship game. However, I am proud my team made it that far with four different quarterbacks.  That is a hell of a feat. I digress.  Lord knows I am trying.  I know what I am used to. I know what gives me stability. I know what gives me energy and hope. The crazy thing is that for the past 2.5 years I have been amid confusion, turmoil, bliss, uncertainty, happiness, triumph, all at the same time. That is not me! I know it is life, but damn! I supposed I can’t complain. Others have it worse than me. So, what in the hell do I do? Lord knows I’m trying.

This is not easy.  I am a person that strives off direction, personal control, and hope.  When all of those facets are gone, I might as well be gone with it. Grant it, has it come close…yes.  Has there been a breakdown to the point of no longer ever having a reset button…yes.  What is it that keep me going now…Lord knows I’m trying. Some would say ask God for guidance.  That is a good suggestion.  The question I would pose is…What if God does not want me to be guided?  Now I am not trying to be blasphemous.  The issue is the issue.  Hasn’t that been my issue?  The guided path that is of a predictable nature that leads to me knowing where I go and what I want to do?  Maybe guidance will do more harm than good.

Then there is the issue of me being able to “not panic” and “relax”. I am trying to do both. Lord knows I’m trying.  I do not have the best track for relaxing.  I feel something should always be accomplished. Something should always show my progress.  In addition, there is always something I am thinking, and my relaxation is stunted.  Do I stop thinking? I get paid to think.  I have been thinking all of my life…hard to do that now. Lord knows I am trying.

For the first time I will ask for suggestions from the readers of this note.  Please do not tell me to gain access to a substance that will inebriate me.  I do believe that is a temporary solution. Got any ideas?  Please share. Lord knows I am trying.  Just hope it can be accomplished before it is to late!

I Love You But God Loves You More!

Feelings aren't Facts!!

 

Many times, I have sat in on conversations and discussions that have gotten heated, and anger has been displayed.  In one of these recent conversations in which I had the wonderful displeasure to be in ear shot of, I made a comment.  The nature of the comment was interrogative in nature and was exactly what I was thinking.  I asked a question about the actions of people. I should have kept my mouth shut. 

The ringleader of the dialog decided to ask me a question out of being offended by my question. I responded to the matter stating that the question asked to me is of a personal nature. That is my answer.  The ringleader decided to make the deathly mistake of answering the question for me because I “implied” something with the question I asked. Those that know me well have a good idea of how I speak, and I don’t have to imply a damn thing.  I am an adult; I will tell you how I feel and have that great talent of delivering messages clearly and communicate effectively.  Fuck that implication shit!

I reckon this person wanted me to argue about the “implication” that was taken from my question.  I simply stated when the silly ringleader decided to push back on my answer that, “feelings are not facts”. When I said that, I guess feelings got hurt and then the other party wanted to argue. I wasn’t taking that feeling bait and I left the chat.

I have learned the hard way that feelings don’t mean a thing and do not create a stronger argument.  There are those who feel that if they get the last word that they are correct.  NAW.  Then there are those individuals that feel that if they elevate the volume of their voice then their claim is law. NAW. Then there are those that have degrees in arguing and that they will twist, turn, and transmogrify any word you retort to try to gain an advantage and be right. NAW. Some of you know where I am going with this.  Others of you might be a person that has attempted one of those antics. Judgment from me? Read above…I don’t imply. However, it is okay. I am here to help.

The post-modernistic nature of this world is to have long and drawn-out banter of who is right and who is wrong.   There are television shows, podcasts, plenary sessions, church services, court cases, social media posts, Tik Tok videos, magazines, books, etc., to challenge the right vs. wrong phenomena. Some people use evidence and others don’t.  Some go to search engines and retrieve as many sources of information (reliable or otherwise) to bolster their claim.

Isn’t this the nature of life? Hold on…then the nature of right and wrong is challenged by life experiences, religious views, editorials, books, podcasts, scientific experiments, superstitions, etc. It’s too damn much! I would like to submit a new option to get through those right vs. wrong conversations.

DO NOT HAVE THEM!

1. Why the right vs. wrong conversations should be avoided.
2. My opinion will not change until evidence rebukes my claim.  Leave it alone.
3. Their opinion will not change until evidence rebukes their claim. Leave it alone.
4.  Many folks feel right in their own eyes and vice versa. Does it really matter? Leave it alone.
5.  Many will learn their plight through experiences that change their sense of right and wrong.  So why waste time trying to do something that will eventually happen? Leave it alone.
6. Facts change, truth changes…evidence doesn’t.  Evidence speaks for itself. Leave it alone.
7. Oh, in case you might have missed it… Leave it alone!

Peace... I Love You But God Loves You More!

 

 

 

I am back!

It has been a long time since I have written in this thing.  I suppose that I will write again as a bit of a release from years of frustration and change.  What am i doing now?  I am in a transition period.  No need for all the details for those that do not know since my last entry. However, just know that I will try to do this writing exercise more.  I will say that I am more intelligent than the last time I wrote upon this blog. The world has changed overall. 

There is much emphasis placed upon perception.  How does one look to the outer world rather than to the self.  The importance of the self has increased.  For instance, if a person is offended, they will let you know how offended they are, how offended others in their similarly situated realm are, and anyone else who wants to join their plight of being offended is welcome to exclaim their feeling of offense.  What a muse indeed!  So, this is the highly advertised world that we all live in. 

Some of these people that hate what they are and love what they are not. (Let me put a check mark by that since I felt that way years ago).  Remember the offended folks? Those folks (after the offensive party has been planned, held, and attended) will let you know how offended they are to the part of them that they emulate knowing damn well that the part that should not be offended is the very part they hate the most.  The person who they love is a fictional cartoon world character that has posted on social media for likes and comments to sooth their insecurities. All the while, they are not finding solutions to heal the person they hate and separate from the person they love.

Gosh it has been a long time since i have written.  I must do this again to rid my frustrations of the worlds I see in my life and what I have experienced in my life.  Yes, there is a difference. So, I will just keep this little note in this virtual book.  Got to remind myself of the things I need to do to stay back!  Stay back in the sense of writing in the book a bit more.  As usual I have a list I will try my best to abide by.

The Stay Back List

1. Make a serious effort to be cool in all situations.  If I feel that anger itch or the frustration squeeze excuse myself and let that shit be!

 

2. Be more grateful for what I have been blessed with and given.

 

3. Learn to relax.  It is new to me, so I will try to do the best I can.

 

4. Pity parties are only for a table of one.  AIn't no one going to sit with you and I sure as hell don't want to sit with them.

 

5. Let it out in a healthy way.  Whatever that "it" might be, don't let that "it" consume you to the point you lose yourself or others that really give a damn about your well-being.

 

6. It could always be worse.  You may only have $5.00 in your pocket while someone next to you might only have $2.00.

 

7. Speak life into others and be kind.  I can make myself feel better being nice and kind to others.  It is a vibe of choice. Take that vibe and make it a groove.

 

Peace... I Love You But God Loves You More!