Monday, July 9, 2012

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 7...Lose the Attitude!

It’s the look. it’s that stare. The look of shear fear that people get when they see the disdain upon the face and the look In the eyes. It’s that neck roll. The finger waving sassiness that can only be described as hers. She owns it. There is no doubting it. Something that is not funny gets the fake laugh, the sarcastic snicker, the rolling of the eyes. It the the enunciated tone of the curse words-if used, and the pronunciation of the terms used. In extreme cases it is the threat of violence…shoe whippin’s, ass kickin’s, smacks with snot flying, and the oh so famous "wishing that somebody would!". It has gotten to the point that many men (from various ethnic groups) will not even embark upon a relationship with the Black woman because of it. What is “it”? It is none other than a Black woman’s attitude.

If you have not experienced any facet or segment of a Black woman’s attitude, you may not be able to relate to this Volume. If you have, then I am sure that what you will read is nothing but the plain and
simple truth. Here are some of the most famous (or infamous) times in which a Black woman has an attitude.

Lack of food. If the Black woman has not eaten, please take her to get food quickly. She will make it clear to you in no uncertain terms, way ahead of time that she has not eaten...all day...or for several hours. Take that as a not a hint but, subtle warning that the activity or situation you are in with her must be interrupted with a food break. If you do not feed her in enough time, the Black woman will change her persona into a woman that has an unattractive name such as (and no offense), Beulah, Thomasina, Willie Mae, Aquanetta, Eugenia Rose, etc. Make sure you feed the Black woman when she tells you of her hunger. If you don’t you are risking an attitude that you will have to deal with, and sometimes your own death (figuratively of course).

Temperature. Make sure that wherever the Black woman is, that the temperature is that of a comfortable level. This is the reason that many Black churches have locked their thermostat. There is only one person (other than the custodian) that has possession of the key.  The reason is to make sure the Black woman is comfortable at all times.  It has nothing to do with anyone else! If she breaks out the fan at church…she is about to get hot or is already too hot. Turn the air conditioning on before she acts like she has not eaten! If the Black woman is too cold, she will also have an attitude as that of she can not do anything. She can not move, she can‘t turn, she can’t speak, she can't go anywhere, nothing can be done by her, until she warms up. She will complain about the temperature habitus of the room. She will make it clear and under no particular terms that she will never return somewhere because of the temperature. That also includes church. The Black woman will also get an attitude with the good Lord as to why He had to make it so hot and/or so cold wherever she is and she will pray to the Lord that He does something about it when He sees fit (and she also prays it won't take too long). AMEN!

Language. For the sake of your life and living the rest of your life in a healthy manner, know how to talk to a Black woman. The Black woman will warn you of your transgression ahead of time and tell you what you will not do, tell you what will be done if you continue to talk to her in a disrespectful manner, and her course of action after the violation is done. For example:

Ray Ray/Nee Nee starts…

Black woman – I’m going to tell you right now. You will not talk to me any kind of way. So I would suggest that you learn how to talk to me or we will not be talking.

Ray Ray/Nee Nee continues…

Black woman – I’m going to tell you one last time and I will not tell you again. I don’t know who you think you are talking to but I know you do not have a child named (insert Black woman’s name). You need to learn how to talk to me if you are going to continue to talk to me. If you don’t this conversation is over.

Ray Ray/Nee Nee contines…

Black woman – does one or all of the following:

1. Walks away without saying a word.

2. Hangs up the phone and deletes Ray Ray's/Nee Nee's number from her phone. Or blocks the number from being able to be received on her phone line.

3. Takes off her shoe and hits Ray Ray/Nee Nee in the throat, and then walks away.

4. Smacks Ray Ray/Nee Nee and says… (I told you that you will not talk to me any kind of mother f*&^%n’ way didn’t I? I don’t know who the f&$k you think you are talking to you triflin’ a%# ni%#a or b*^$h!))

5. Proceeds to cuss Ray Ray/Nee Nee out not using any profanity, but happens to make him/her feel low and embarrassed, as she rolls her neck and points her finger into his/her chest and/or face.

My advice is to make sure you know how to talk to a Black woman. If you don’t, you may end up in some horrible physical pain, both physically and mentally.

Towards other woman (Black or other ethnicity). This is a very touchy topic. Many Black women will not admit they have an attitude toward other women, but they do. It is not hard to see this as there are a few things the Black woman might have an attitude about when it comes to her girlfriends. Here's a sample:

1. Clothing. – If her friends (hell if anyone for that matter) is not presentable, or dressed correctly for the occasion, or dressed in clothes that don't fit, not color coordinated, another woman is wearing the same dress or purse (like the manufacturer only made one), looks a way in which would cause a people watcher to comment in a negative fashion, you can rest assured that the Black woman will exhibit an attitude. Women must consult with the Black woman so that the collective female group does not look foolish and out of place.

2. Hair. – If your hair looks a mess, weave is ashy, hair smells foul, wig is too worn, hairstyle is too outlandish, hair color looks like a poor excuse for a Woody Woodpecker impersonator, hair looks better than hers, expect for the Black woman to have a ‘tude. She will have a look on her face that may scare the daylights out of you, and what she will say…well she will try to say it in a tactful fashion, but whatever she will say there will be a sucking of the teeth, a long utterance (like ahhhhhhhhhhhhh), please just know the attitude is there.

3. Drunk – This is a tip toe dance on the tightest of tight ropes. The Black woman can be in a great sense of attitude or a bad sense of attitude when she is drunk. Be sure you are on the good side of her psyche when this happens. If she is in a great mood while she is enjoying her drink, all of what you might say will be funny. She may be attentive and add some pizazz to the conversation. Behold, if the drunk Black woman is in a bad sense of attitude-RUN, DON’T WALK, FAR FAR AWAY! Do not argue with her. The drunk and bad attitude Black woman in her drunken stupor may…

- pick a fight

-ask people who they are looking at (especially if she does not like the person, or if the person might not look attractive to her)

-tell someone how awful they look in their appearance or what they are wearing

-cuss someone out because...hell just because

-if something does not go her way-It might be rational to her, but makes no sense to anyone else.

In any event, be careful of the drunk Black woman with the bad attitude. If you have told her a secret, make sure that she does not “tell the truth” about you! For some odd reason, alcohol in copious amounts is a truth serum for Black women.

4. Her man/boyfriend – You can beg and plead with the Black woman to see your opinion about their choice for a man/boyfriend, don’t expect for her opinion to change. When a Black woman has made her mind up about her man no one can change it. Female family members may try and they will fail. The Mother of the church she attends may try, and that advice will go into one ear and out of the other. The fact of the matter is that if anyone says something bad or unruly about the man she loves (either true or false), the Black woman will strike down upon her friend (with the audacity to present her negative view) with great vengeance and thus will be censored…until she can finally admit that that individual was/is correct.

In many cases, the Black woman might think that her girlfriend is trying to “steal” or “take” her man, and that is a “no-no” when it comes to a Black woman. She will do the following to make sure that will not happen:

1. The girlfriend will not meet her man.

2. She will not admit she has a boyfriend or is dating someone. She may just say it is just a sexual relationship to fend off any other questions or responses.

3. If the subject of a man comes up, she will say it is “nothing” and that they are “just doing them” when it is really something more.

4. She will say something untrue about the man like his sex is bad, his member is small, he has a low-paying job, he doesn’t look “all that”, he has “baby-momma drama”, she will present a conjured up falsehood.

5. If her girlfriend asks her if she is seeing someone she might say, “Girl no! You out of all people know I have taken a break from the bullshit. How about you tell me about your man!”. The other woman (especially if she is Black) will not say anything either and thus they change the entire topic to something else.

The Black woman and the protective attitude about her man has also sparked many inventions that will try to appease the Black woman’s attitude concerning him. This includes…

Caller ID

*69 feature

Facebook - “in a relationship”, “single”, “it’s complicated”, “married” profile status

Facebook – the “tagging” of photos

Facebook – the “who you are with”, “where you might be”, and "status update tagging” features

Text messaging

Voice mail


Car Pool – Some Black women do not want to drive anywhere and will not drive to a destination for various reasons that are only known by that Black woman.

It seems that Black women have used these tools to know what her man and/or her girlfriends might be up to regarding her relationship status.

5. Their own friends – This is interesting thing to me. Black women will get an attitude with their friends. This has been seen on many movies and television shows such as:

Basketball Wives

Love & Hip-Hop

Bad Girls Club

The Real World

Family Matters



The Player’s Club

You name it and no one knows why there is an attitude. It could be many factors that only they know. Some way and in some form or fashion, the attitude they have with their friends either ends the friendship, bring the friendship closer, makes the Black woman and her friends bitter enemies, promotes the Black woman to fight, allows the Black woman to speak badly about their friend, etc. Eventually, the bad omens are dropped and the relationship is sustained and is stronger than before. In some instances, the parties agree to not bother each other ever again in life. In any event, Black women are meticulous and picky about women entering and staying in their inner circle. If a Black woman does allow another into the latter and former, they are usually there for life.

Now that we have explored the issues and attitudes that Black women have with their lady friends there are a few more attitude issues I’d like to bring to light that are also of extreme importance.

Shoes. – No one told the Black woman to wear those wedge heels, stiletto heels, high heels, high heeled boots, hell heels period, to a place in which much walking and/or standing, would be taking place. Give the Black woman credit, she will attempt to keep the attitude sidelined when she can bear the pain. She will sit down for long periods of time and attempt to “play it off”. She will lean on something. She will take her foot out of the shoe and play with the shoe on her toes. She might even take the shoes off in a remote place and rub her feet for awhile. If the pain becomes unbearable, the attitude will come to the forefront.

The Black woman will complain about the event. There will be looks on her face that are not that of a person who is having a good time. She will tell you how much she can't wait to get to the car and put on her flat shoes. She will gladly let you know that when she gets home the shoes will be the first item she will take off. She will fight through the “beautiful walk” when she has her heels on, and then you will see that walk change to the “high heeled walk of pain”. Do not be surprised if she asks you to take her to a discount, grocery, drug, or convenient store to get her some flat shoes to ease the pain. The Black woman’s attitude is dependent on how quickly she can get to her flat shoes. I’d just advise you to let her know the extent of the event as far as the time spent standing and walking and advise the Black woman carry her large purse in which her flat shoes will be found, so that her attitude does not ruin the mood of the event.

Money. – If an item and/or bill costs too much, and it is something that can be found for cheaper, should not cost as much, has the wrong price listed, won’t go on sale anytime in the near future, can’t receive a discount for, bought it previously for full price and now is found discounted, someone else she knows bought it for cheaper than her, or can’t find the equivalent for a lower price, that Black woman will get an attitude.

This attitude is unlike most people and other women of different ethnicity's. For some reason, the Black woman will take it personal. They will receive this issue in their minds like someone did it to them on purpose.  The Black woman may say one or all of these phrases:

“I can get this cheaper somewhere else!”

“I could make this for the price these folks are selling it for!”

“They want (enter price) for this! They must be crazy!”

“This is on sale? Oh hell no! I bought this for (enter price) and that was just 2 weeks ago and now it is on sale? This is some bull shit!”

“I can’t use my (enter name of discount card or medium) discount for this? Let me speak to some one in charge. Better yet, let me speak to a Manager!”

The above is just an illustration. The Black woman will attempt to negotiate the cost to a lesser value. There might be a raising of the voice, there might be a rolling of the neck, a sucking of the teeth, some foul language, asking to speak to someone in a more authoritative position, etc., to be successful. If she does not get her way there is a great propensity that she will not patronize the business ever again unless she has no other alternative. When in this environment or these situations, please walk away!

NOTE: The particular company or business has now become a conversation (that will be told to anyone who will listen) of how good or bad  of a propriety they are. You can throw in the prices of the items in this conversation as well.

For No Reason. – This is a dangerous area. There will be those instances when a Black woman has an attitude for no reason at all. What do you do in these moments? I have no idea. I will say do what has been suggested…WALK AWAY and KEEP QUIET. You do not want to be the reason for her attitude, and thus the less ammunition you give her to be a problem, the better the outcome for you. Do not ever ask her what the attitude might be about, let her talk when she wants to talk. If not?-that is right, you will become the subject of her attitude.

Some people might think that I have taken this attitude reasoning a little too far. I will now prove to you that there is an overwhelming attitude that a Black woman has. Ask anyone from the following listing:


En Vogue

The Supremes


Destiny’s Child

Nuttin’ Nyce

The Pointer Sisters

The list could go on. We all know there was some attitude there somewhere, and for any kind of reason (based on attitude) they are no longer together!

This attitude a Black woman has is dangerous and beware of it. The Black woman is not necessarily temperamental, but there are some things (as listed above) that she WILL have an attitude about. There is another topic to be discussed in Volume 8 that will also concentrate on the Black woman’s attitude. It is much too long and complicated to expound upon in this Volume. I will say this…the attitude in Volume 8 is a warranted one and an attitude that the Black woman has greatly contributed to in her own right!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

1 comment:

  1. you are a nut! But I can relate! And you just had to use Ne-Ne huh? LOL