Thursday, March 29, 2012

Apologies Are Not Really Meant For You!

I received a series of text messages this afternoon from a young lady I had a liking for. We met at a roof top party in the Summer of 2011 and we hit it off very well. She is a native of Jacksonville, FL so for all intensive purposes of this blog her name will be "Jaguar"!

We went on a few dates and while I had and interest in progressing our friendship, I thought that feeling was mutual. The incident that turned me off was her attitude at a concert we attended many months ago and from that point on I decided to exit stage left and scale down my attempts to zero. My thought process was that if she wasn't going to show any interest in moving forward to something more, then I am not going to show any either. I didn't call that much if any after that concert. I text her seldom if at all. I moved on and knew it wasn't worth my time. I pretty much placed her in the, "hear nothing and know nothing" portion of my mind.

Today Jaguar decided to text me. The following are the text responses (in text short hand of course):

Jaguar - Hey Clint. How are you? Are u on facebook?

Clint - Sup stranger and yes I do.

Jaguar - Life is what's up! Ok I'm going to add u if I can find u lol.

Clint - Yes life is always changing.

Jaguar - Cool. Well I have to be honest with you. I've been self reflecting. I know that I kinda disappeared on you. The truth is...I want to apologize. I should have been honest like you asked. I felt that you may have wanted more than friendship and that's what I want. So I didn't want you to get the wrong impression. I really do feel like I want to apologize for the way it happened. That's all.

Clint - Before I respond. R u sure of what you wrote. It kind of confuses me.

Jaguar - What r u confused abt? It makes sense to me but that doesn't mean u get it lol.

Clint - You said that I may have wanted more than a friendship and that's what you want. Does that mean you wanted more or you just wanted a friendship?

Jaguar - I just wanted a friendship but thought u wanted more.

Clint - Ok. Well I accept your apology. I figured you had no interest in me after awhile so its cool.

Jaguar - Glad u accept. I don't see u on fb tho.

Clint - Doesn't mean I am not still pissed about it. Wow u can't find it?

Jaguar - I don't expect you not to be pissed. You're human. I just kno that I could've clearly handled it better and I am woman enuff to say so

Clint - Well i hope no one does that to you.

Jaguar - Point taken

To be plain and simple, an apology is not for you to see that a person is admitting that they have done you wrong. The apology is for the other person to feel better and make amends to their own self-conscious to what they have done to someone else. The willingness so tell someone that you are wrong and that you are sorry for what you have done is cleansing and beneficial for the one giving the apology and that individual only. Many people have done pitiful and hurtful things to me and vice versa. We all are persons that can be liars, wrongful, rude, and full of shit to others. You, as a reader of this blog know exactly what I am speaking of. The prerequisite of being honest starts with being honest with yourself. For some reason many feel that since they have apologized to you, that things are all swell and dandy. Next, the recipient of the apology should be ready and able to let person rendering the apology back into their lives and continue life as if nothing has happened. NOPE!!

If I would have responded to Jaguar with the anger and mean spirited attitude that I might have deep within, that would have made me look like the person who was immature and had the problem. It is always better to let the person know that it would be a shame if someone did the same mess they did to you, to them. People really do not like fairness of life and do not want Karma's stunt double to be on stage, dancing in front of them as she/he is sliding up and down the pole, mesmerizing you, only for his/her to strike you from behind. Can't act like she/he isn't coming, we all know Karma is!

In addition, as I have written time and time again in this blog and in my dating life, I ask for two things...time and honesty! Another lady proves that what I ask for might seem simple, but difficult to act upon.

By the way, the reason that Jaguar could not find me on Facebook is because, I have made it so that I can not be found by essentially searching for my name or e-mail address. HA HA HA!!! I wonder if she is ever going to figure that out!!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

So Disrespectful!!!

I have a vast knowledge of how to approach women. I have done it since I have been in the realm of dating. There is one question that both men and women ask at the outset of getting to know someone. Moreover, in befriending people there is a question that is asked not only for the sake of general knowledge, but also for the sake of seeing if you and this particular individual may have something in common. Here is the question...

Where are you originally from?

Everyone asks that question, I am pretty sure! The tricky part of this question is actually REMEMBERING, where the person is from. I can pretty much tell you where folks are from. Here are some examples:

T.J. - Chesapeake
Sandra - New York
Joe - Alabama
Crystal - South Carolina
Sunshine - Detroit
Mimi - Va. Beach
My mommy - North Carolina
Katheryne - Maine
Dizzy - Virginia
Leah - Pittsburgh
Duddy - Roanoke
Koko - Philadelphia
Lauren - New York
Adonia - Oakland
George - D.C.
Keith - Alexandria, VA
*Madison - Pittsburgh

It is pretty simple to know and remember this one portion of an individuals life. In addition, some of the people I have named I may have known for less than a year and some for more than 4 or 5 years.

This brings me to the person that has an asterisk. Madison has done the unthinkable. She has known me for over a year. She has slept with me. She has had dinner with me. She has slept in my bed, drank, and got drunk with me. She's been in my car. I've been to her house. We've stayed in a hotel overnight and...wait for it...wait for it...does not know where I am from originally! She claims that she wants to start a relationship with me and she doesn't even know where I call home? She has lost her chance PERIOD!

Furthermore, she states that I never told her where I was from? I know I asked her and I know she asked me. Such a shame. Do you know what else I find it? I find that... let me see here hmmmmm...


I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 4...Accept Interracial Relationships!

What would make a Black woman utter the words...

"There are no good Black men!?"

What would make a Black woman exclaim...

"Black men are low down and dirty scum of the Earth!"?

What makes a Black woman convinced when she says...

"I am done with Black men! They are all the same!"?

I suppose it could be one or all of the following scenarios.

Scenario One:

The Black man that has impregnated the Black woman, does not honor his end of the relationship with the child that is finally born and becomes an absent father, both in financial and parental support.

Scenario Two:

The Black man thought to be fond of or in love with the Black woman abuses her physically and verbally.

Scenario Three:

The Black woman has provided and contributed more in a financial sense because of her education and lucrative employment in the household than the Black man despite his lack of education and lack of a well paying job. He isn't grateful and is wasteful with the funds he earns and does not care or wish to place money into the household for his own selfish reasons.

I have experienced all three of the former scenarios, which led my mother to speak the words mentioned in the latter. I replied...

Aren't you raising your son to be "good", to be "honorable", and to be "different" than the Black men that you have dealt with?

My mother never said another word that was negative about Black men from that point on. It is sad to say that other Black women that have dealt with various gruesome situations with Black men. Their displeasure and disgust has transcended into a hatred to the point that they refuse to date Black men anymore and have turned to dating men of another ethnicity. That is not the purpose of this blog. The point of this blog is to make light of the near hatred that Black women display on their faces and in their heart when they see a Black man dating, married to, or have a child with a woman of another ethnicity or race. This topic is a horse of a different color (No pun intended...or maybe it is?).

I had a conversation with a Black young lady I will name "V-Love" and her tone and disposition changed when the topic of interracial dating was brought up. She has extreme frustration when she considers herself to be a "good" Black woman that has "put up" with a lot of B.S. from Black men and for some reason, these Black men have decided to test the waters of love with a woman of a different ethnic background. She in a way feels abandoned and distraught that here she is, all a Black man could ever need and want, and a Black man decides to choose someone that isn't her, nor have any racial relation to her via skin color or otherwise. I will even go further and say that my ex-girlfriend (who is a single mother of a teenage daughter) did not like when her sister married and had a child with a White man. She also said in our conversations that she would be disappointed if her daughter dated a man that was of another ethnic background. I was taken aback by that, but nevertheless she and "V-Love" share that same disdain and frustration.

In addition, I have spoken to a plethora of Black women that despise and hate the thought that since they are "good" (I will also include my ex as being good because she was a great girlfriend when we were getting along) that a Black man would over look them for someone of a different race. It displays that Black women are somewhat naive when it comes to the root of the problem and the solution. Before someone gets upset and says that I do not have the ability to be unbiased, I will also include my beloved mother in this grouping of naive Black women.

Here are a few solutions in helping Black women to deal with the realization of interracial relationships...

1. Everything ISN'T for everybody! - Not every Black man on the planet is supposed to be with a Black woman. If that was the case then there would be no combined colors to beautify the Earth. There would be no pink flowers because the combination of white and red produce pink. There would be no green flowers because when combined, yellow and blue make green. With all of the colors on this Earth that are produced and can be adored, not every color is mixed with their own and not every mixed color has combined with another mixed color. If nature can deal with it and produce a beautiful array of visual expressions, then why can't a Black woman do the same thing?

2. Make BETTER choices in the men that you date! - A lot of the stigma that Black women have for Black men can be changed with a simple inventory of what you find important in a Black man. If he does not posses it then move on. Leave him alone! Stop making excuses for him!

There are many ways to do this. Consider the following, if ALL women would only date men that have college degrees, then ALL men would be busting their tail to get college degrees. Ladies have that unspoken power over men knowing how competitive we are to fight to acquire and run through the fire to get what we desire. (I like that it rhymes!) When you ask the question about his education you can rest assured that he would have gone on and made sure he had his college degree. You and other women set a standard that NO man will ever get a chance with you UNLESS he had attained this goal.

So let me tie in solution one with the aforementioned thought. Since everything isn't for everybody, and college isn't for everyone, and attaining a college degree is not the goal for many for their life to be complete, and that some women may not even care if a man has a college degree or not, then making better choices weeds out those that may cause you to have second thoughts about a particular trait that they have.

It seems that just by allowing yourself not to budge on one issue that the selection process has gotten easier. Sure there are exceptions that we make for everyone that we encounter, just think about WHEN those exceptions are made not WHY the exceptions and overlooking has been done. If he is not meeting AND exceeding the personal parameters set for your dating life then DON'T CHOOSE HIM! Stop trying to change a man into what you want him to be, if he isn't on par with you, then stroll on to the next one!

3. Be more confident in who you are! - Many Black women will not admit it, but having a problem with the color of the woman that a Black man has chosen makes YOU look insecure about who you are! It is not that serious to "grit" or "mean-mug" an interracial couple. What does that make you look like? You guessed it, the one with the problem. I have written a blog on this site entitled, What You Eat Don't, Make Me Shyt! this should be your thinking when you see a couple of this nature. Their choice of who to love, who to have sex with, who to kiss, who to have a date with, who to endear the rest of their life to should have no effect on you.

For instance...There are a lot of "church goin'", "hand clappin'", "tambourine shakin'", Black women. I see them on Sunday morning having a good time in church. Take them out of the church setting and into a situation in which they see an interracial couple and it seems that the ugly personality comes out of them and the dirty looks and snickers are sure to accompany. The odd thing is that the same "church goin'", "hand clappin'", "tambourine shakin'", Black women have never seen Jesus Christ or God and worship Him without knowing His color, but would have a problem with His creations loving one another. Why? Because the colors aren't the same! Why? Because the "church goin'", "hand clappin'", "tambourine shakin'" Black woman would say, "Hey, that Black man is meant to be with a Black woman like me...Praise Moses!" That is totally wrong and childish.

I mentioned to my ex the same thought and she was silent afterwards. It was even quieter when I supported the fact that her Black sister MARRIED a White man and they produced a child. As we all know children are BLESSINGS from God Almighty! Should my ex then look at her own nephew with disdain and disgust because of the choice her sister made to marry and create a beautiful child that was a blessing from the good Lord? I seriously doubt it! Of course she wanted to change the subject!

4. Stop making the relevant men relevant! I have said it time and time again that since I am a Black man that is not in the news or a negative statistic that I am not relevant. I am a man with higher education, a man that is heterosexual, a man who has never been involved in the criminal justice system, a man who is childless, a man who is STD free, a man who is financially stable, and a man who is living in his own home; yet and still ladies go and want to date the "bad boy" and date the men that cause the headlines on the radio and television air waves. These Black women say there are NO GOOD BLACK MEN, when I know plenty of Black men that are like myself who would love to be with a lady OF ANY COLOR! I know there are plenty of GOOD BLACK WOMEN because they are always made relevant in the media. It is rare that Black men are thought of in this fashion ESPECIALLY when many Black women are making reference to those men that are the antithesis of what I am and many of my Black male friends are. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS AND STRADDLE BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE!

The more that Black women claim that there are NO GOOD Black men, the less likely they are to find those GOOD Black men and consequently...they just might consider dating or date a man of a different race! How silly would it then be to receive the same scowls and mean looks that these same Black women gave others who decided to date individuals from another ethnic background? Very silly indeed!

I am sure that the debate can go on for years about this topic, and I am sure that it will. The one thing to notice is that the interracial dating issue will not go away because love will not go away. Love will not die and love will not choose to be with couples that only exist of the same ethnic background. I have dated many women from different races and they are all the same to me. I have been criticized and told hurtful things from all races that know that I have done this, but I don't really care. The world would be boring knowing that the only colors that exist are those that do not mix. If that was the case then ask yourself a serious question that happen to be lyrics to a song by Curtis Mayfield...

If you had a choice of color
Which one would you choose my brothers
If there was no day or night
Which would you prefer to be right
How long have you hated your white teacher
Who told you, you love your black preacher
Do you respect your brother's woman friend
And share with black folks not of kin

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Monday, March 12, 2012

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 3...Have a "CAN DO" attitude!

I am a positive person, or at least I try to be. In the life of a Black man that has mostly dated Black women, I have heard many things that will deny me (or any man) the ability or the propensity to get to know more about a lady. We ALL have our preferences and concentrations on what we find attractive and have defined our point of non-compromise. Men and women of all ethnicities, and especially my "sistas" talk about their "deal breakers".

For the sake of completeness and clarity a "deal breaker" is defined as:
An issue/occurrence(whether tangible, or superficial) that would stop an individual from starting and/or continuing the process of courting with the opposite sex.

Some examples of "deal breakers" are:

Lack of a job
Lack of a car
An abundance of children (one child can be too many for some)
Gold teeth...well bad dental aesthetics period
A cornucopia of friends of the opposite sex
Lack of a degree
Financial stability
A plethora of tattoos

I have have had conversations and been on plenty of dates and situations in which a Black woman will tell me her "deal breakers". Naturally one will take a mental inventory and see that they do fit the portal of preferences that will keep your chances of moving forward and progressing sustainable. Unfortunately after awhile it becomes more annoying hearing what a Black woman "can't do" rather than what she "can do"?

Maybe it is human nature as a whole about what a person will not accept and their willingness and boldness to share it to anyone who will listen. I feel there comes a time that you have to realize your abilities both mental and physical in a relationship as opposed to your difficulties to starting or continuing one. Many Black women seem to lack this ability, UNLESS it is brought to their attention.

I was in a situation in which a Black woman who we will name "Duddy" would tell me many of the "deal breakers" she had. Here are a few of Duddy's "deal Breakers"

Distance (out of state)
No education
Not financially stable
Having more than 1 child
Not having pretty teeth
No automobile

All of that was well and good with me. I suppose I was able to move to the next step of courting her since I was not in the categories previously mentioned. The problem came when there were no more conversations about what Duddy CAN'T do, and what Duddy CAN do! I asked her specifically and she could not answer the question. I can say that is where the courting stopped. I was not willing to move further with a person that is not willing to look within herself and find the things she CAN do. In point of fact, I suppose Duddy did not want to progress with me because I was someone she COULDN'T do (no pun intended)!

This seems to be a problem not only for Duddy, but for my good buddy...Tonya aka "Sunshine" (as Dizzy would call her). Tonya would be quick to tell me the things that she could not achieve with me and dodge plans we made for us to hang out. Her difficulties in doing things and hooking up. The apathy of ability to make plans with me in the long term. How she CAN NOT deal with issues that will put her on the spot and make definitive decisions that require conviction and a test of integrity. I caught on to that vibe. So I simply asked her one night to tell me what she can do and give me the things that she has the ability to do. The plans she can make. The time she can give and spare. The abilities that can come to fruition. To this day, those questions and requests have fell on deaf ears!

I am aware that I would be a fool to ask a Black woman or any woman for that matter what she CAN NOT do, put up with, compromise, accept, look the other way, give a person a pass, allow a mulligan, etc. Here is the irony of the situation that I find peculiar. With ALL that the Black woman has endured, triumphed, overcame, and so on, why can't many of them speak about what it is they CAN DO? I have heard the negativity with the name "boo-boo" at the end of their phrase and I can't hear anything that is positive. Why? Because nothing positive and optimistic is ever uttered.

There have to be some Black women out there that can tell us men some encouraging words and some gospel. There have got to be some Black women with good vibes and energy that strive to talk about their aptitude and not their incapability's. I like those aspects. So until that time, I'll just wait and see. There are some out there...maybe they will comment on this blog.

Before I am criticized about this blog, I do have some proof.

Remember this...

Philippians 4:13
King James Version (KJV)
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

What are your "deal makers" instead of your "deal breakers"?
What is it that you CAN do or your CAPABILITIES in a relationship rather than what you CAN'T do or INCOMPETENCE'S?

I Love You But, God Love's You More!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Dedication to "Sunshine"!

I am extremely upset by her, and I have searched for the best representation for my disgust through song. I finally found it. I sent it to her via text message and I guess I will wash my hands of her. I do have a feeling she will be back! Here it is...

I Love You, But God Love's You More!