Thursday, January 5, 2012
I'm So Glad I Didn't Have Sex With Her!!
I consider myself to be a pretty intuitive person. There are signals that might be minute, but tell you in a subtle way not to do particular things. For example, you can sense when a brawl is about to erupt in a night club, you gather your shit and leave. You know for some reason not to take off abruptly when that light changes to green, some fool might try to run the opposing light. In addition, you can sense when something is not right about the neighborhood you are traveling through, so you tread lightly and get the hell out of Dodge. When it came down to getting some action on New Year's Eve/Morning 2012, I can say that I am glad that I did not have sex with that woman!
For simplicity's sake I will name this woman "Koko". I have been talking to Koko for a few months now and well, we have had our up's and down's and trying times. She is a very attractive, smart, woman and she seems to be what I like. Unfortunately she has made my nerves of steel become nerves of the most brittle brand and I try to avoid her phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, and it is not going as well as I thought. We spent time together to begin 2012 and yes there was a moment when we got back to the hotel that intimacy was taking place.
At that moment, I decided to listen to that voice in my brain, that feeling in my bones that said...do not take it any further than the shower we took together, the kissing, and the touching. I made up a lie saying I didn't have any condoms on me. Plus, I didn't want to spoil to mood to go out and buy some protection and then begin to recreate something I should have been prepared for. The truth of the issue is that I had condoms in my toiletry bag and I am ready at all times. I just felt that if I did sleep with her that night that I would see just how "thirsty" the woman can get in the aftermath. I am so glad and elated that I listened to my instincts.
For the past few days she has gotten on my nerves. She has questioned and interrogated everything about that night and why we did not have sex. Didn't she hear me when I lied and said I had no condoms!! LOL! She claims that I have had others in my past hurt me and that all she wants to do is prove that she can love me. (Great job of proving after 2.5 months!) She has said that I am emotionally unavailable and that is why I don't call her everyday! (Maybe it is because I am busy and want a chance to miss you!) We live in two different locales that are hours apart and I should be more attentive to her need for me to talk to her several times a day. (Is that light stalking of a Twitter nature?) She questions if my interest is really with her or with someone else.(I do have many interests, I thought this was clear in the dating realm of dating!) She speaks about her money woes, children woes, woe's woes, woe is her, woes is her kids, woe is her house, woe is her mother, woe horsey, woe partner, just woe! Not the Black Rob song "Whoa!", her song is "WOE"!
I can admit that I did take a step back, and that I am not as in to her as I was. I am willing to give it a chance if she would just chill for a minute. I did ask her and that went over her head like "Whoa"! We all know I can converse about many subjects, I just do not like speaking about relationships and feelings ALL of the time. I am a person who likes to laugh and for the most part she does not get or understand my humor.
I don't want to act like I am playing her, nor not give her a chance, I just wonder how things would have been if I did have sex with her. I might be writing this blog with broken limbs, stab wounds, or asking for help with a restraining order. I guess I would be like "Whoa!" (and not like "Woe!"), why In the hell did I sleep with Koko?
I Love You But God Love's You More!