Thursday, June 23, 2011

Don't date those native D.C. or DMV women!!!

I broke a rule that I said I would not break. I placed myself in the category of not trying to generalize before I knew the whole story or the woman I was trying to get to know...and yet I was foiled again.


I am not the only person that has attempted to begin a relationship or something meaningful as far as a romantic relationship with a native Washingtonian and maybe I am wrong for generalizing, but when asking if they were born and raised in the DMV (especially D.C.) I will walk away and be glad I did if the answer is yes. I am sure there is someone reading this blog that will also agree whether it be the men or the women in which they have had a several bad experiences with. I can not pinpoint exactly what the problem is, but DMV natives have no integrity, no humility, evasive, cunning, and the list goes on.

I recently had to let one young lady from the Upper Marlboro area know that her acting skills are horrible. She told me verbatim that she doesn't want anyone to get to know the REAL her. CRAZY!! Yet this lady is complaining about men lying to her in the past and presently. Yeah...if you weren't lying to them about who you are maybe they would not lie to you. So I decided to leave her alone. I do not like free drama. I would rather pay for it...that is why I go to the movies and have cable.

Another young lady I met in a club in January. We communicated via phone and text messaging and she always pulled out of the scheduled times we were supposed to meet.It is ridiculous to think that it would take that long to finally meet someone again and the list of stories could not be supported. I should have known something was up then, but I remained patient. We finally had a date to meet and did so in June.

On a side note... There comes a time when the man stops trying to plan and tells a woman that the opportunity is now hers if she wants to see him. She knew I was getting to that point. I had to tell her, look if you have no interest, just say so since she has not attempted to even rectify her missed opportunities. It makes things difficult when one person is solely trying to arrange times to see and spend time with another.

So back to the date. Her language was full of game and her answers were evasive when I would ask her particular questions. You know how first dates go, you try to see who and what you are dealing with. So finally she admitted that I was not the guy for isn't that difficult to know those things, she should have said something sooner.

So here it is people, if you want to take that risk of dating a DMV or D.C. native, DON'T! But if you do, let me be the first to tell you that you will be let down and frustrated. I hate to say it and generalize, but they are ALL the same.

What say you??

I Love You But, God Love's You More!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Lexus, baby you make me Saab
Even when you have you Ion me
I can’t seem to Escape your Shadow
Please Focus on the Prelude of our Accord
Let me be your Durango
And I will take out my Bronco…
No…my Excursion and be the Trailblazer of your Explorer
See, I’ll be the Trooper in your Expedition

But…no you want to trip out on me
You know damn well how Fiero my temper gets
When your head is up in the Stratus
Why do you want to believe what Sephia, Chevette, and Miata Echo’s
‘Cause she may be your Amigo, but Sonata makes it her Civic duty
To flip her shit like upside down port-a potties

So check this out…
Last night when we were standing in the Econoline trying to get into the Lumina
That Tahoe gathered up enough Esteem to try to do the Range Rover with my boy Hummer
So I know that is a Breeze you can’t Dodge

Tell me…
Why do you let your friends Eclipse our Sunfire?
Accent the positive and don’t let them Mirage you
Remember the time when we got our Passports
Bought tickets from Continental
‘Cause I couldn’t a Ford a Jetta to Montero
And opted to take the Concorde flight 626 to Malibu
Traveled to the beach feeling what the Sebring in Rio
Be Cirrus… it was the Altima when the Storm hit Metro and ruined the Festiva
We were stuck on Park Avenue in the Cavalier
So we got a little freaky and snuck on the Porshe and Probe all night long

See I’m trying to Navigator us to the Solara System
Chillin’ to Infiniti, doing our own Sundance
Sailing past Aerostars, from Mercury to Saturn
On our own Vigor(ous) Grand Prix
A Legacy of love must not make haste

But of course…you want to change the Tempo
Must you prove how independent you are?
You are my BMW (Black Man’s Woman) and it is about us!
We’ve got to be the Pathfinders of this Suburban Voyager
I’ll serve as your Escort on our Caravan to the Outback

But no!
Once again you must have the Maxima con-Fusion and tell me what your friends told you when you were on your Tercel phone!
How about my friends?
Bentley, Camry, Kia, and Corolla know that Mercedes Benz the truth!

That girl’s mouth runs faster than a Colt and we all know she is never Acura(te)!
Her Dynasty is known from here to Monte Carlo.
She has plenty of practice attempting to produce a Protégé!
How many Mustang’s has she taken the Liberty to Rodeo in her public X-Terra films?
Don’t Del Sol to her bullshit!

So can’t we be cool?
Can we step on the Sports Trac, be the 4-Runners, and set the Pacer of Jaguar and win this Grand Am of love?
I am sure we can be Galant in this Endeavor!
Let me be your Most Powerful Vehicle (MPV) and together
We can Escalade like an Eagle
We can soar like a Thunderbird and strike like a Viper
And then smile brighter than a Neon sign.
Come on,
Let’s Rolls Royce with Jimmy our Isuzu Pup and be Audi 5000

I Love You But, God Loves You More!


You see the sista’s skin is smoother than silk
She has a flavor reminiscent of condensed milk
Queen has it going’ on I can’t deny
Her chest has this tat of a butterfly
You’ve got to admit that’s too fly
Baby girl even has the sweetest scent
Can’t tell if it’s
Hot Chocolate Delight
Butterscotch Caramel Cream
Pecan Rican Supreme
Or Mocha Mint
Playa’s would even stop creepin’
If they’re peepin’ what I’m peepin’
She’s the subject of my dreams when I’m sleepin’
I sometimes imagine being inside her thighs
Freakin’ her from the front, and the back
And I know baby girl has gots to ride
I try to not let my imagination run away
I’m just hoping that our eyes will meet in person…someday
I am just grateful that she’s my friend
A simple and humble lady that I can confide in
We talk about more than romance
Politics, world issues, health, and whatever topics come by chance
She’s real… and is what she seems
A once in a lifetime, certified, tried, and true…

I Love You But, God Loves You More!


You were my night and my light
You were my midnight star
You were my sweet, cooling, breeze on midsummer’s day
You were my chocolate lemonade
If I was a bird, you would be the branch upon the tree that I would sit
and sing my melody to the world
Lord knows that I have tried
Time has come and gone and similarly
We have passed each other by
Disconnected like smiles from children
Dysfunctional like wishes granted by a genie from a broken lamp

So we ciphered through the good and the bad
Weighed and re-weighed the pros and cons of experiences old and new
But Lord knows I have tried
As time went on
The only joy you would receive
Would be for me to deny my love for you
Just to keep you satisfied
It should have never ended this way others would say to us
I paid no attention to the opinions of the critics
But you did

How many more times must we repeat the process of drawing lines in the sand before we become one with the waves in the ocean
Fatalities of capsized pride
I wanted you to be the reason for the warmth of the cold space in my bed
I sought you to be the other of significance in my journey through life
I desired you to be the reason that I smile and would proudly represent you wherever in the world I would go

Until I realized that it is much too late for a you and I
Much too late and hopeless to even shed a tear
See I want you to be happy and I can love you better than any other man can
From a distance
Lord knows I have tried
But the fact remains
That I do love someone more than you…
And that person is me

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Pulpit Pimps!

Does thou know of the twelve?
That shall travel in the midst of night and even the day especially Sunday… they consider themselves to be soul controllers
Has thine eyes and ears mused upon their guise?
Has thine eyes seen the dreary architecture of their souls?
Verily I say unto you that their clay tablets have etched their words of salvation…
their Ten Demandments
Proven with the desire to inflict false hope, a doctrine of lies, and a multipurpose series of hand, cherry picked, Bible verses to slay upon the downtrodden who have been fooled to believe in them
They admit and discharge the inhabitants of their owned and operated Sick and Shut Inn
These false prophets that walk among you shall be known now and forever more as the Dirty Dozen

Thus they scowl for their prey in the midst of the night.
Devouring the multitude that end their late night escapades or were awakened in their slumber
Maybe thou has heard and seen them upon what they call the friendly airwaves as you are channel surfing among the late night infomercials and the bust your lust telephone chat lines.
Yea in those times of night, they hunt for the feeble minded that believe that their only fate is hell, fire, and brimstone
That they are broke, busted and disgusted
That their money is funny and their change is strange
And no hope of fixin’ their affliction
Humor me and journey through their corrupt land and revoke the validity of their demandments.

Enter into the dilapidated doors of the seven hundred club and behold Brother Pat within his crowd of hypocrites shouting:

Who needs a miracle?
Gawdt has a miracle with your name on it!
And for thine to receive it…
Call the prayer line and divulge thy personal information unto me,
Thou shalt receive numerous voice messages as I call unto you
To submit thou first fruits, thou tithes unto me and I shall render these miracles to you

Brother Creflo crept in the scene slick and smooth and said
Be obedient to the prophet of Gawdt and I can make you wealthy and healthy! Understand that if you don’t give no money, you won’t receive no money.

If thou shalt swiftly saunter to the registration table you will stumble upon Sister Joyce, Brother Peter, and Brother Benny beckoning you to:
Come to their hotel crusade at the Hilton or The Holiday Inn or at the Sheraton or at the Marriott to receive your supernatural healing and share your miracle testimony!
You will hear the naïve singing with glee and out of tune with Casio Keyboard Gospel Choir under the direction of sweet Brother Bobby singing the same hymns (H.Y.M.N. meaning Hustling Your Money Now) over and over and over as those that receive their so called miracles fall ever so gently to the floor and covered with a 250 thread count sheet from one of the hotel rooms shouting in tongues:

Momma Honda…Momma Honda…Momma Honda or

Sew let it Say Haiku… Sew let it say Haiku…Sew let it say Haiku or

Hyandai Toyota Subaru…Hyandai Toyota Subaru…Hyandai Toyota Subaru

A sloppily clothed man from the Dirty Dozen whose black Prada, styled cassock, featured a hand made white collar. It was simply a white Jordan head band with the Jumpman stretched and in view to make it appear as if it was the crucifix image of Jesus on the cross, screams another demandment:
I have been anointed by the almighty Gawdt to heal and grant miracles, because when I pray I get results... you see Gawdt always
Momma Honda
Momma Honda
Answers MY prayers!
I am not a prayer share-cropper, I will make sure that if you pay enough I will pray enough!
Touch your television screen RIGHT NOW as I pray and you will feel the power of the supernatural flow from me into you.

Brother Kerney is then conveniently interrupted by Brother Joel who speaks softly and appears as if he is on the verge of tears and says:

Put thy money in thy envelope
Place it in thy right hand
Hold up thy right hand and say it with me…
This envelope contains the seed
That Brother Joel has sown in your life
I will sew a seed in Brother Joel’s life
For his ministry
Of at least twenty-five dollars
I will place my seed in the collection plate
Or send my seed to the address posted on the television screen
So that Brother Joel’s Bentley may continue to sit next to his private chartered plane

Enter into one of the many telecast studios and you shalt see and hear Brother Robert being coached by Brother Jimmy. Who had a bottle spraying water onto his cheeks for the extra added tearful effect…
Thine eyes will also see…
Hold up…Brother
Naw Sister…
Okay, this is tricky, See what had happened was
See the make-up artist is in a little
Shall we say
legal mishap
Unfortunately, he was choking a cock okay a dick, that was not his own and when it crowed he could not deny it.
So he talked to the show’s director you know Brother Tyler and got his advice that if he dressed up as Francine (Madea’s long, long, long, lost sister) he would be able to escape the parishioners who had lost faith in him and caused several riots at his church.
So today…
Until further notice that is Brother Bishop Eddie
But I digresss…

Brother Robert had his lines down and with the facial expressions to boot he said:

Gawdt has commissioned me to open the closed doors that can not be opened and shut the doors that can not be shut and cause the miracles you need to happen in your life.
You see you may have tried it on your own and you see no change and that is why you are watching this telecast at this moment because I have the anointing.

Soon thereafter one of the Dirty Dozen’s prominent business men, Brother T.D. was seen signing autograph pictures from the Christian Freak-Nic’s wet choir robe contest and summoned parishioners to his table that was adorned with such miracle goodies like:
Miracle Oils
Miracle Soaps
Red Blood of Jesus Prayer Handkerchiefs
Anointed Stones of David
Miracle Spring Water
Money Green Prayer Cloths and
Anointed Faith Tools

As you embark upon leaving
Brother T.D. takes one more chance to once again harass you into purchasing
Books, DVD’s, CD’s, t-shirts,
Because this in his words…
This is just a business and business is booming!

I would have to say that he is absolutely correct. Pulpit pimps will have wonderful business…IN HELL!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!