Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Christmas in July...Throwing the Wrapping Paper Away!


In a few days (July 19th to be specific) my mother would have celebrated her 64th birthday, and as some of you know I was not able to see my mother on her birthday because of my work in New York at the lab. In addition, I would always try to purchase a gift for her that she did not already have. A couple of years ago (before her death) it was a spa treatment. Then it was 2 dozen long stem roses, some money, and a card. I was getting a little perplexed as to what I should give her. In 2009 I was going to get her tickets to see The Color Purple at the Kennedy Center, but since she was going to have surgery and the time of recovery was a slight issue, I still had that plan...and then the lab called and asked me to come, and well them mom died and thus we have what we have now.

I want to give her a gift that she didn't know too much about and that's my writing. I suppose she did know with all of the notebooks I had stacked on my desk in high school, but nevertheless... this year I will write something that is inspired by Eshe. She and my mother happen to have a great love for Christmas. I do hope you and mommy enjoy!!

Christmas in July...The Wrapping Paper

I can’t deny that I love to receive gifts. I am sure everyone does. In that appreciation of the gift we often times are in a rush to see what is inside and we tear away the wrapping paper rapidly and carefree to get to the goodies that might be inside. When we get to it, we feel one of two things...joy or disappointment. The individuals in our lives have become...either a joy or a disappointment.

While tearing open that gift we usually forget the way the wrapping paper looked that surrounded the present. The folds and tape are carefully hidden so that no flaws are noticed. Most do not care about how the wrapping paper was chosen to tantalize the eyes, to show the importance and possibility of beauty inside. The wrapping paper (whether chosen at random or specifically) for the special occasion to warrant the gift seems to be a non-concern considering that folks are yearning for the glorious present inside... we don’t view people in that fashion. If their wrapping paper is not up to par, they are discarded out of their lives, and their gift goes unnoticed.

We look for the wrapping paper that is easy on the eyes...the sight that would make the hormones jump and scream in our heads that we must have this person. Isn't it odd we ask about the appearance of the “wrapping paper” the looks of the individual, their aesthetics, body type, skin complexion…before we ask someone about their, humbleness, kind nature, good heart, honesty, values, morals, truthfulness, their “gifts”? We inquire about the “wrapping paper” on an individual before you really get to know them...on the inside. Isn’t that the objective?

Did you keep the “gift’ because the “wrapping paper” was attractive? If so, then why not keep the outside cover and throw the gift away?

All of us try to take care of our wrapping paper to the point that we go to the gym, the surgeon, the weight loss counter, dermatologist, nail salon, spa, health club, cosmetologist, barber, and so on and so forth to make sure that the wrapping paper is ready to go and be received like no other! In some respects there are very good reasons to do that. I am not harping on the reasons behind doing that, especially if it is an issue of health both mental and physical.

A great number of ladies reading this (and also those that have seen me either in person or with photos) may not like or be attracted to my outer wrapping. The nice and politically correct way that I have heard it said to me were such phrases as,

"I'm not attracted to you Clint”.


"You're not my type, Clint".


“Clint, I don’t think I can like you like that!”

Some ladies might not say anything at all. That is fine with me. No harm done! In fact, I like that many women did not like my wrapping paper...because it is thrown away when you get your gifts right? Some of those same ladies would say, “You don't save the wrapping paper do you?” They are right. The paper-it gets old...it doesn't look the same and perfect way after time goes on. The wrapping paper will not fit the gift anymore because it has been used, the tape doesn't stick like it used to. So knowing this...you, me, we happen to throw the wrapping paper away...the same way judgmental people throw others away because someone wasn’t attractive, they were alright, but not their type, just didn't strike as someone to be interested in. I can hear some of those folks say (with an attitude), “pass on that one”!

That was the same and exact way many men treated my mother in her dating life. She wasn't the best looking woman. Some men made a mistake and passed her by because they looked at her wrapping paper and decided that they would rather pass on the gift inside because the paper wasn't the right look for them. I am sure she can admit that some mistakes and choices were made because she looked at the wrapping paper of the men in her past relationships. Sufficed to say, that my mom and I did not happen to be born with the most elegant wrapping paper that covers the outside of our gifts, but I am sure that what is inside will not disappoint.

To bring it to a more relevant level, I recall (from Biblical tales) that Jesus was wrapped in old clothes when he was born, but did that stop anyone from serving or praising Him? Acknowledging Him as the author and finisher of your faith? Did that stop judgmental individuals (that includes all of us) from thanking Him for what He has done and WILL continue to do? He does all this knowing that some of us have above par and gorgeous wrapping paper, but less than stellar gifts inside that disappoint and let down others as well as Him all of the time.

I am proud to say that my mother was a gift. She did finally find a man that loved her for her and not just for the features of her wrapping paper. Not for what she looked like on the outside, but the joy and comfort she brought to him and others on the inside. I might not be the best looking guy. Grant it that I have lost a lot of weight and more in shape that I was years ago, but that has not changed what I have inside of me. Mommy taught me what to do to make sure a woman feels like a queen! I can admit that I have made some mistakes along the way, but my gifts have always been inside of me, and waiting for one that finally recognizes it. My mother and I had/have gifts inside...that no one is able to throw away, that would not disappoint, that would make our mates happy, that make others happy, that made her happy, that made me happy...that is all that matters!

My mother shed her wrapping paper when she was called home to be with the Lord...so that she could see His face and know that she might not have been able to see His wrapping paper...but the gift He gave to all of us fills us with joy and gladness...until we are able to hold the gift...I’ll see you again one day!!

Thanks mommy and happy birthday! I hope you enjoying your gift up there in heaven! I miss you... I really do!!! Please don't stop helping me work on my gifts!

I Love You...But God Loves You More!!

Monday, July 9, 2012

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 7...Lose the Attitude!

It’s the look. it’s that stare. The look of shear fear that people get when they see the disdain upon the face and the look In the eyes. It’s that neck roll. The finger waving sassiness that can only be described as hers. She owns it. There is no doubting it. Something that is not funny gets the fake laugh, the sarcastic snicker, the rolling of the eyes. It the the enunciated tone of the curse words-if used, and the pronunciation of the terms used. In extreme cases it is the threat of violence…shoe whippin’s, ass kickin’s, smacks with snot flying, and the oh so famous "wishing that somebody would!". It has gotten to the point that many men (from various ethnic groups) will not even embark upon a relationship with the Black woman because of it. What is “it”? It is none other than a Black woman’s attitude.

If you have not experienced any facet or segment of a Black woman’s attitude, you may not be able to relate to this Volume. If you have, then I am sure that what you will read is nothing but the plain and
simple truth. Here are some of the most famous (or infamous) times in which a Black woman has an attitude.

Lack of food. If the Black woman has not eaten, please take her to get food quickly. She will make it clear to you in no uncertain terms, way ahead of time that she has not eaten...all day...or for several hours. Take that as a not a hint but, subtle warning that the activity or situation you are in with her must be interrupted with a food break. If you do not feed her in enough time, the Black woman will change her persona into a woman that has an unattractive name such as (and no offense), Beulah, Thomasina, Willie Mae, Aquanetta, Eugenia Rose, etc. Make sure you feed the Black woman when she tells you of her hunger. If you don’t you are risking an attitude that you will have to deal with, and sometimes your own death (figuratively of course).

Temperature. Make sure that wherever the Black woman is, that the temperature is that of a comfortable level. This is the reason that many Black churches have locked their thermostat. There is only one person (other than the custodian) that has possession of the key.  The reason is to make sure the Black woman is comfortable at all times.  It has nothing to do with anyone else! If she breaks out the fan at church…she is about to get hot or is already too hot. Turn the air conditioning on before she acts like she has not eaten! If the Black woman is too cold, she will also have an attitude as that of she can not do anything. She can not move, she can‘t turn, she can’t speak, she can't go anywhere, nothing can be done by her, until she warms up. She will complain about the temperature habitus of the room. She will make it clear and under no particular terms that she will never return somewhere because of the temperature. That also includes church. The Black woman will also get an attitude with the good Lord as to why He had to make it so hot and/or so cold wherever she is and she will pray to the Lord that He does something about it when He sees fit (and she also prays it won't take too long). AMEN!

Language. For the sake of your life and living the rest of your life in a healthy manner, know how to talk to a Black woman. The Black woman will warn you of your transgression ahead of time and tell you what you will not do, tell you what will be done if you continue to talk to her in a disrespectful manner, and her course of action after the violation is done. For example:

Ray Ray/Nee Nee starts…

Black woman – I’m going to tell you right now. You will not talk to me any kind of way. So I would suggest that you learn how to talk to me or we will not be talking.

Ray Ray/Nee Nee continues…

Black woman – I’m going to tell you one last time and I will not tell you again. I don’t know who you think you are talking to but I know you do not have a child named (insert Black woman’s name). You need to learn how to talk to me if you are going to continue to talk to me. If you don’t this conversation is over.

Ray Ray/Nee Nee contines…

Black woman – does one or all of the following:

1. Walks away without saying a word.

2. Hangs up the phone and deletes Ray Ray's/Nee Nee's number from her phone. Or blocks the number from being able to be received on her phone line.

3. Takes off her shoe and hits Ray Ray/Nee Nee in the throat, and then walks away.

4. Smacks Ray Ray/Nee Nee and says… (I told you that you will not talk to me any kind of mother f*&^%n’ way didn’t I? I don’t know who the f&$k you think you are talking to you triflin’ a%# ni%#a or b*^$h!))

5. Proceeds to cuss Ray Ray/Nee Nee out not using any profanity, but happens to make him/her feel low and embarrassed, as she rolls her neck and points her finger into his/her chest and/or face.

My advice is to make sure you know how to talk to a Black woman. If you don’t, you may end up in some horrible physical pain, both physically and mentally.

Towards other woman (Black or other ethnicity). This is a very touchy topic. Many Black women will not admit they have an attitude toward other women, but they do. It is not hard to see this as there are a few things the Black woman might have an attitude about when it comes to her girlfriends. Here's a sample:

1. Clothing. – If her friends (hell if anyone for that matter) is not presentable, or dressed correctly for the occasion, or dressed in clothes that don't fit, not color coordinated, another woman is wearing the same dress or purse (like the manufacturer only made one), looks a way in which would cause a people watcher to comment in a negative fashion, you can rest assured that the Black woman will exhibit an attitude. Women must consult with the Black woman so that the collective female group does not look foolish and out of place.

2. Hair. – If your hair looks a mess, weave is ashy, hair smells foul, wig is too worn, hairstyle is too outlandish, hair color looks like a poor excuse for a Woody Woodpecker impersonator, hair looks better than hers, expect for the Black woman to have a ‘tude. She will have a look on her face that may scare the daylights out of you, and what she will say…well she will try to say it in a tactful fashion, but whatever she will say there will be a sucking of the teeth, a long utterance (like ahhhhhhhhhhhhh), please just know the attitude is there.

3. Drunk – This is a tip toe dance on the tightest of tight ropes. The Black woman can be in a great sense of attitude or a bad sense of attitude when she is drunk. Be sure you are on the good side of her psyche when this happens. If she is in a great mood while she is enjoying her drink, all of what you might say will be funny. She may be attentive and add some pizazz to the conversation. Behold, if the drunk Black woman is in a bad sense of attitude-RUN, DON’T WALK, FAR FAR AWAY! Do not argue with her. The drunk and bad attitude Black woman in her drunken stupor may…

- pick a fight

-ask people who they are looking at (especially if she does not like the person, or if the person might not look attractive to her)

-tell someone how awful they look in their appearance or what they are wearing

-cuss someone out because...hell just because

-if something does not go her way-It might be rational to her, but makes no sense to anyone else.

In any event, be careful of the drunk Black woman with the bad attitude. If you have told her a secret, make sure that she does not “tell the truth” about you! For some odd reason, alcohol in copious amounts is a truth serum for Black women.

4. Her man/boyfriend – You can beg and plead with the Black woman to see your opinion about their choice for a man/boyfriend, don’t expect for her opinion to change. When a Black woman has made her mind up about her man no one can change it. Female family members may try and they will fail. The Mother of the church she attends may try, and that advice will go into one ear and out of the other. The fact of the matter is that if anyone says something bad or unruly about the man she loves (either true or false), the Black woman will strike down upon her friend (with the audacity to present her negative view) with great vengeance and thus will be censored…until she can finally admit that that individual was/is correct.

In many cases, the Black woman might think that her girlfriend is trying to “steal” or “take” her man, and that is a “no-no” when it comes to a Black woman. She will do the following to make sure that will not happen:

1. The girlfriend will not meet her man.

2. She will not admit she has a boyfriend or is dating someone. She may just say it is just a sexual relationship to fend off any other questions or responses.

3. If the subject of a man comes up, she will say it is “nothing” and that they are “just doing them” when it is really something more.

4. She will say something untrue about the man like his sex is bad, his member is small, he has a low-paying job, he doesn’t look “all that”, he has “baby-momma drama”, she will present a conjured up falsehood.

5. If her girlfriend asks her if she is seeing someone she might say, “Girl no! You out of all people know I have taken a break from the bullshit. How about you tell me about your man!”. The other woman (especially if she is Black) will not say anything either and thus they change the entire topic to something else.

The Black woman and the protective attitude about her man has also sparked many inventions that will try to appease the Black woman’s attitude concerning him. This includes…

Caller ID

*69 feature

Facebook - “in a relationship”, “single”, “it’s complicated”, “married” profile status

Facebook – the “tagging” of photos

Facebook – the “who you are with”, “where you might be”, and "status update tagging” features

Text messaging

Voice mail


Car Pool – Some Black women do not want to drive anywhere and will not drive to a destination for various reasons that are only known by that Black woman.

It seems that Black women have used these tools to know what her man and/or her girlfriends might be up to regarding her relationship status.

5. Their own friends – This is interesting thing to me. Black women will get an attitude with their friends. This has been seen on many movies and television shows such as:

Basketball Wives

Love & Hip-Hop

Bad Girls Club

The Real World

Family Matters



The Player’s Club

You name it and no one knows why there is an attitude. It could be many factors that only they know. Some way and in some form or fashion, the attitude they have with their friends either ends the friendship, bring the friendship closer, makes the Black woman and her friends bitter enemies, promotes the Black woman to fight, allows the Black woman to speak badly about their friend, etc. Eventually, the bad omens are dropped and the relationship is sustained and is stronger than before. In some instances, the parties agree to not bother each other ever again in life. In any event, Black women are meticulous and picky about women entering and staying in their inner circle. If a Black woman does allow another into the latter and former, they are usually there for life.

Now that we have explored the issues and attitudes that Black women have with their lady friends there are a few more attitude issues I’d like to bring to light that are also of extreme importance.

Shoes. – No one told the Black woman to wear those wedge heels, stiletto heels, high heels, high heeled boots, hell heels period, to a place in which much walking and/or standing, would be taking place. Give the Black woman credit, she will attempt to keep the attitude sidelined when she can bear the pain. She will sit down for long periods of time and attempt to “play it off”. She will lean on something. She will take her foot out of the shoe and play with the shoe on her toes. She might even take the shoes off in a remote place and rub her feet for awhile. If the pain becomes unbearable, the attitude will come to the forefront.

The Black woman will complain about the event. There will be looks on her face that are not that of a person who is having a good time. She will tell you how much she can't wait to get to the car and put on her flat shoes. She will gladly let you know that when she gets home the shoes will be the first item she will take off. She will fight through the “beautiful walk” when she has her heels on, and then you will see that walk change to the “high heeled walk of pain”. Do not be surprised if she asks you to take her to a discount, grocery, drug, or convenient store to get her some flat shoes to ease the pain. The Black woman’s attitude is dependent on how quickly she can get to her flat shoes. I’d just advise you to let her know the extent of the event as far as the time spent standing and walking and advise the Black woman carry her large purse in which her flat shoes will be found, so that her attitude does not ruin the mood of the event.

Money. – If an item and/or bill costs too much, and it is something that can be found for cheaper, should not cost as much, has the wrong price listed, won’t go on sale anytime in the near future, can’t receive a discount for, bought it previously for full price and now is found discounted, someone else she knows bought it for cheaper than her, or can’t find the equivalent for a lower price, that Black woman will get an attitude.

This attitude is unlike most people and other women of different ethnicity's. For some reason, the Black woman will take it personal. They will receive this issue in their minds like someone did it to them on purpose.  The Black woman may say one or all of these phrases:

“I can get this cheaper somewhere else!”

“I could make this for the price these folks are selling it for!”

“They want (enter price) for this! They must be crazy!”

“This is on sale? Oh hell no! I bought this for (enter price) and that was just 2 weeks ago and now it is on sale? This is some bull shit!”

“I can’t use my (enter name of discount card or medium) discount for this? Let me speak to some one in charge. Better yet, let me speak to a Manager!”

The above is just an illustration. The Black woman will attempt to negotiate the cost to a lesser value. There might be a raising of the voice, there might be a rolling of the neck, a sucking of the teeth, some foul language, asking to speak to someone in a more authoritative position, etc., to be successful. If she does not get her way there is a great propensity that she will not patronize the business ever again unless she has no other alternative. When in this environment or these situations, please walk away!

NOTE: The particular company or business has now become a conversation (that will be told to anyone who will listen) of how good or bad  of a propriety they are. You can throw in the prices of the items in this conversation as well.

For No Reason. – This is a dangerous area. There will be those instances when a Black woman has an attitude for no reason at all. What do you do in these moments? I have no idea. I will say do what has been suggested…WALK AWAY and KEEP QUIET. You do not want to be the reason for her attitude, and thus the less ammunition you give her to be a problem, the better the outcome for you. Do not ever ask her what the attitude might be about, let her talk when she wants to talk. If not?-that is right, you will become the subject of her attitude.

Some people might think that I have taken this attitude reasoning a little too far. I will now prove to you that there is an overwhelming attitude that a Black woman has. Ask anyone from the following listing:


En Vogue

The Supremes


Destiny’s Child

Nuttin’ Nyce

The Pointer Sisters

The list could go on. We all know there was some attitude there somewhere, and for any kind of reason (based on attitude) they are no longer together!

This attitude a Black woman has is dangerous and beware of it. The Black woman is not necessarily temperamental, but there are some things (as listed above) that she WILL have an attitude about. There is another topic to be discussed in Volume 8 that will also concentrate on the Black woman’s attitude. It is much too long and complicated to expound upon in this Volume. I will say this…the attitude in Volume 8 is a warranted one and an attitude that the Black woman has greatly contributed to in her own right!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 6...If He Won't Lick...She Won't Take That D%$k!

The time has come for it to happen. No holding back for the both of them. The date is over and she invites the man in for another after date drink. She knows what is on her mind and he has earned enough of her trust to be able to embark upon an exciting night that will now result into the releasing of lots of frisky tension. She is just making sure and hopes that he knows how to behave and bottle in the anticipation. He has to know how to play it cool.

He has a seat on the couch and she serves a very strong libation. She knows they both need something to loosen them up just a little bit more so that the experience from the box spring boogie is worth it –mutually satisfying. Suddenly, and with a subtle smoothness, he has to adjust his trousers because he realizes that she is sending a vibe that is making her see his thoughts and he is not ready for her to see the exhalation. Too late for him, she already knows it. If only he could see what was going on in between her thighs, the humidity has definitely increased. She leans into him. She wants to smell is fragrance again. The chills are visible upon her arms.

She slides the hand that is free from holding the drink upon his thigh and slides it downward toward the area of the source of visual thought. He feels it and a slight brush of her hair upon his neck tickles him with delight. They slowly and finally with passion lean towards each other-embrace and engage in a passionate kiss. A few moments afterward they realize it might be time to put their drinks down to continue the exchange of passion. The view imagined can be documented in staccato scenes of a Viewmaster. Click! The desire behind and the meaning of the kisses shared simply…undeniable. Click! The unfastening of clothing! Click! Pants. Click! Dress. Click! Stilettos. Click! Shirt. Click!

Mouths open from heavy breathing, and then the instant when flesh finally touches flesh. She is curious and wants even more affection from him. Before the box spring boogie, she needs to know how bad he wants it. She lays her naked honey brown, chocolate body down parallel to the couch. He takes the cue and gently kisses and licks her neck, her breasts, her stomach, her thighs, her legs, her toes, and every part of her that he can see her squirm and exclaim in delight. Gently, she pulls him upward and whispers softly into his ear...”Baby, I want you to taste my love”! He moves towards her ear and whispers, “Baby, I don’t do that’! The delight upon her face transforms, contorts, transmogrifies, into shock, disdain, pissed-ness, disbelief, and utter disappointment.

She tells him with a smile as she is looking to find every stitch of her clothing…”I see. Well I think you should go. It was a mistake for us to go this far”. Sufficed to say, he is visibly shocked and tries to explain his way back into good graces with her. It is too late. When the slow jams have been turned off and the lighting has increased in illumination…yeah it is over! He should have known if you are interested in having a sexual need fulfilled with a Black woman that…If you are not lickin’, you will not be stickin’!

This is a controversial topic, and yet as this may not be true for all Black women, it is true for most. (Don’t ask me how I know…I just know!) Many men have an understanding that Black women will not allow a man to have relations of the sexual type unless he is willing to go as SWV would say “Downtown”! Notwithstanding the man’s ethnic origin, he knows this. (Don’t ask them how they know, they just know!) It is a privilege and honor to be in a glorious circumstance in which you are able to possibly make love to a Black woman. All of the usual things you may have done with other ladies of other ethnicities might not work for the Black woman! Black women do not take the ability for a man to eat her sweetness lightly and they want the most for their time. Many men will find that Black women have a sexual swagger that is unparallel. They mention their positive attitude about their sexual skills in songs, that you may hear them sing such as…

“My Neck, My Back, Eat my….”


“Put it in your mouth…”


“Giving him something he can feel…”


“Climb up on the ladder, honey… What I got is better than money…”

I could name more, but I am sure that the point has been made. Many Black women have this amazing mindset that when it is time to do the box spring boogie, the man that does his “job” and does it well, will be well compensated for "being a good boy” and delighting her erogenous zone with oral action. Those that do not even attempt to taste the “olive garden” will be presented (with a smile) to a one way trip to the door in which they entered. In some aspects, the woman will leave the place where the action was supposed to take pace and go to someone who will do his “job” and do it the way she likes it. This is not to say that all Black women want oral delight for every sexual encounter, but you can best believe that if the man does not attempt or exclaims that he does not venture to the “love packet of goodness and flavor” that he will not have the opportunity for any type of release with that Black woman or even Black women period.

There is the issue of what a woman can do for a man and I am not going to speak on that. I am not going to focus on it and we all know why. A woman does not actually have to do that action to please a man. However, if a man happens to do his duty with excellence and majesty, he just might get the excitement and release from oral pleasure via the Black woman. I could go many places with this topic, and I am tempted to but will not. Just keep in mind that the Black woman is adventurous and is arguably the most sexually adventurous of all women from any ethnic background, simply because of the following reasons:

1. The Black woman will reciprocate what is given to her.

2. The Black woman is willing to try something new, but not without being assured there is nothing too weird, too painful, too grotesque, too expensive, too nasty, too damaging to her hair (yeah I did add that) too disgusting, and too criminal.

3. The Black woman is a challenge to please and if you succeed in pleasing her, she will succeed in pleasing her man.

4. The Black woman is serious about her sex, and if she can’t make a man release his sexual frustration she will take it personal.

5. The Black woman knows what she has to give and what she can do, and will not stop until a man recognizes that what she has he can’t get from any other woman, that also includes other Black women!

So just make sure the next time you think you want to “get it on” with a Black woman that you had better have those taste buds ready! If not, the member in your jeans will stay there…if you want to have a sexual encounter with a Black woman!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!