Monday, May 23, 2011
How do you react when the man who is responsible for the death of the most important person in your life stands before you?
The man who is responsible for the pain that seems like it will never end.
The image in your mind that doesn’t seem to fade away of your own flesh and blood, the person who brought you into the world, now has a crimsoned stained white sheet covering a nude body that has assumed room temperature.
The emotions felt and seen by all that are in disbelief that something that was so routine, that statistically is unfathomable, went entirely wrong.
What do you do?
How do you react when the man that has stolen the beat from your heart and the warmth from your breath stands in front of you?
It was him that caused you to…
Call all of her friends and the rest of the family repeating…
She’s gone…She’s gone
To have to say the word that you never wanted to say to her electric, mortgage, and telephone companies
The word that chokes up in your throat and makes you skip a breath
Constructing obituary paragraphs, funeral arrangements that you never thought you would have to do this early, and trying to find the perfect picture that encompasses the spirit of your mother so that everyone knows how much she meant to you and how she helped to make the world a more pleasant place.
What do you say to the man that has signed his name on the death certificate underneath the blank entitled cause of death?
He is the individual that has led you to embark upon staring at pictures of those happy moments in child and adulthood.
Forced to save the last voice mail message she ever sent to you.
Imagining and wondering if you can still recognize her voice if she were to call out your name from her heavenly home.
What do you say to the person that has now allowed you only to dream dreams when your body and mind are finally able to sleep?
Understanding that a nightmare is also dream as you slumber in a bed littered with surgical documentation and various depositions as to what the hell went wrong!
The man that’s standing in plain view, not event a foot away from you, is the cause of your therapy sessions, your thoughts of ending it all.
Nights to mornings to days to afternoons of trying not to cry and trying not to be angry, and sometimes wanting to lash out at everything in the world…
Just for an opportunity to touch her hand or to hold her and let her know how proud you are of her as your mother and how much of a great mother she was.
Your thoughts will always dwell on what you were taught and that her legacy will never be tarnished or shamed!
To apologize for past and future mistakes and to get her blessing for the feats you will accomplish that she won’t ever see in person.
This man who now sits in front of you, and smiles in your face as you look him in his eyes, is the reason why you truly feel alone in the world.
But you remember what you were told
What you read
That God will never leave you nor forsake you.
So then you desperately ask God…
Didn’t you know when, where, and how your Son would die?
If I would have known what you knew God…
Maybe I could have prepared?
Maybe I could have made all of the arrangements both mentally and physically?
Or maybe I would still feel alone!
How do you hold back all sense, right, and rage when the man that treated your mother like she was a mass of nothingness can actually look you in the eye?
The man that she trusted with her life…
The thoughts and questions that run amok in your head
Where is your shame sir?
Sir, where is your regret?
Where the hell is your remorse?
Did I bury all of that with my mother as well?
How do you react?
What do you do?
I gave that man the gift that I never thought I would ever give another human being whose mistake and gross misjudgment will affect me for the rest of my life.
I stuck out my hand, smiled, and I said…
I forgive you!
I Love You, But God Loves You More!
Monday, May 16, 2011
We can sit in the dark
In the back
Of a matinée
Create our own plot structure
In the freaky type way
I can’t deny
It has been my fantasy for years
I’ve searched for the lady that has no fears
Of displaying this bad guy, good girl twist of fate
By only paying a twenty-two dollar and fifty cent gate
We can scream when they scream in the scene on the screen
I’ll play your Denzel, Boris, Morris, and Shemar
You can be my Sanaa’, Nia, Angelina, and Jada
Sitting in the dark
In the back
Of a matinée
We’re playing while the movie plays
Getting frisky in the theater night light
Fulfilling wishes, as we perform our own Oscar winning roles
That the Academy has never seen
Such sweet speech and rhyme
Within this picture show of love, in two hours time
Imma make sure you get yours
‘Cause you know imma get mine
At the matinée
In the dark
In the back
Where we sat
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Since the year 2011 began, there have been resolutions stated to ensure that the weight is lost and the body looks right for the Spring and Summer months. It is the same routine that many ladies (and men) fall into. The start of the New Year dawns fitness clubs and weight loss contests at work. Weight Watchers commercials and work out video sales increase. Doctor's that specialize in weight loss surgeries are in a boom and health food stores are raving over the profits that they make during this season. Plastic surgeons and body sculptors know that it is prime season to make a buck! I am truly proud of those that have stuck with and achieved their weight loss goals and healthy lifestyle changes. You are to be praised.
With the changes that have come to your body and improvements you have made, come the spoils that many women receive from us men. We men are (supposed to be) more visually inclined ladies and when we get a hold of the transformation of tight abs, plump, and firm booty... shapely thighs and slender facial tones and neck lines, we turn into sexual animals looking for that nourishment we call coochie. Ladies know this because the opposite happens when a man makes the same comparative improvements to our body...but I shall only focus on the latter. (Ladies, if you want to respond about us men, then by all means leave a comment!) Ladies understand that their sexual control over a man will increase because of these wonderful changes...I WILL BE THE FIRST TO SAY...NOPE!!
Many men may get upset over me writing this but, I will take that risk. Someone needs to say it and that person will be me...at least I'd like to think I am not the first to put this information out there, but digress! Ladies, your coochie control over a man will not change because of your "new" body. You see, real men do not try or attempt to get you in bed on the first night after a date or after the third month of dating you. We do not change up our attitudes and habits when we have gotten to know you as many other males may do. We do not want your coochie that bad to pressure you for it...that is not how REAL MEN will treat you.
However, we will marvel and talk with our boys about how banging' your body is. We will discuss with our male friends how good you look. We will discuss with our boys the before and after photos you like to show us or even place on social networking websites. (I am not trying to call anyone out that does that! Keep doing it to inspire others.) We men just understand that the more we get to know about you, the more time we spend with you, the more we talk and understand you, the more we connect, and no matter how long it takes...the more trust that is built, the OPTION...of having sex with you will always increase.
REAL men are not concerned with the fluff, and we do not need to use lines to get the coochie. We don't run game and have a plan in place to get the coochie; we just know that it is more advantageous to have the option of getting sex than the guarantee of getting it. The option is more important because it turns into the guarantee. So when many ladies inform their lady friends that the man has not pressured them into sex, please believe that your coochie is not in control of a damn thing. Your body improvements have done nothing to enhance your coochie powers.
There are those "boys" that will feed your head and ego with a bunch of bullshit! They wine and dine you and try to impress you and show you off because of your physical improvements. Example...The family Summer time BBQ! You can bet that you will be complimented every other minute and many ladies eat it up and can't get enough of it because their new body is causing the attention that some of them have been seeking to become a reality. These "boys" will fill your mind with words and thoughts that you have been wanting to hear! Example...the shopping trips that they accompany you to the mall and seem to be so patient with you trying on the new clothes for your new wardrobe for your new body! Even as dumb as these boys are they are able to get over on many ladies because then sense and feed off of the insecurities that are still within your now new and improved tight and fit body! You fall victim to this silly game and eventually, many women end up losing their coochie control and sleep with them. Then the astonishment that follows when it is revealed this boy is not looking for anything that is sustainable, because with all of the coochie control you thought you had, you were used, and yes you were used the same way that you would have been used if you had not made those physical and health lifestyle changes. Unfortunately, the thoughts of appreciation for who and what you are and not your body are not there with that boy that you slept with, so maybe the body improvements are not all that must be made!
If you sleep with a ramped dog that has not been to the vet...If you allow a dog to frolic in your bed that has not been groomed...If you take pleasure in not knowing where that dog winds up when you are not in it's presence...please believe that the fleas and other critters that are in your bed are of your own fault! It is not your coochie control and body changes that should only be made...strengthen your mind! Take pride in the fact that while you are on the workout bike that you have strengthen your mind to recognize who you are and what you will and will not take from a man. When you are in your Zumba class, gain more self esteem not in your sculptured thighs, but in the fitness of your sense of being and sense of understanding who you are. When in kick-boxing sessions, know that a MAN will accept you at any weight and with any look and that your mind makes you beautiful and fit. As you take that run outside in the elements or on that treadmill, know without a shadow of a doubt that you are losing weight and gaining in your physical abilities, not to gain more coochie control over a man, but for YOUR own life and for YOU only. I was a very large man many years ago and I learned that before any pounds dropped off of my body, that I had to know my worth and it starts in the mind. I wish good luck to those ladies and gentlemen who continue their quest for their health goals. Ladies, remember that coochie control does not begin with a membership to a health club; it starts with being a lifetime member to you!
I Love You But, God Love's You More!
Monday, May 2, 2011
I don’t know how you expect me to live in your animated world
I am not one who muses in playing games with emotions
From the start I thought I knew you, or I should say
I was getting to know the production you assembled for me to believe
I can’t seem to determine what is genuine and what is virtual
What is actual and what is fiction…
What my common sense knows through commencing all of my life experiences
From what you illustrate as the all knowing certainty
Consider me at a loss when you give
And more confused when you clarify
Someone said believe half of what you see and none of what you hear
But you flip it in your world
If I were to probe into your depiction
What would it show?
Would Thor save the world with his trusty screwdriver?
Atlas would probably take 30 minute breaks trying to hold the weight of the world.
The Sesame Street crew would adopt a highway!
Clark Kent would ditch the glasses and opt for lasik eye surgery.
Martha Wash would have really been seen in the C and C Music Factory videos.
Milli Vanilli would have sported afros and made a living performing spoken word.
Crack simply would be Pop Rocks with a kick.
Superman would take mental health days and consult Dr. Phil.
Wonder Woman would retire and become a retail therapist so she could wear more than one damn outfit.
Cookie Monster would only eat sugar and gluten free cookies!
And all of us would have gotten our college degrees from Hillman!!!
I can gladly walk away with no equivocation
But your syndrome has spread from one person to another in this life
All expecting to live up to what you have presented on the screen
And try to portray in your reality
Maybe the only way for you to be true is to
Change your fake photo
Or forget your password
Try to Google a clue
Change your e-mail address
Shut down the MySpace page
Update your Facebook status (from all 5 pages)
I’d suggest starting all over again
It starts with…
I Love You, But God Love's You More!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
What is the fantasy that has become the reality? I am speaking of the love of balls! I wonder why people in the U.S. love balls so damn much? Balls have become the pillar American society and it seems that it will remain so from my vantage point. The fascination is alarming. Here are some examples:
• Tennis balls, along with the men and women who hit them back and forth….back and forth…back and forth…over and over…on and on…and on…over the net. Got to love the ladies screaming though!!
• Basketballs, and the stars that shoot the ball into the basket. Got to love the Lakers!!
• Footballs, and how they are caught or held, thrown and kicked, fumbled and recovered. Got to love the 49ers!
• Soccer balls, and those balls being the most watched ball in the world.
• Baseballs, and the ability to throw or pitch it, hit to obtain a base or 2 and even a chance to score the ultimate...a home run! Why Barry Bonds why?
• Ping pong balls, and how in the world folks can compete viciously over a little, tiny, minuscule ball. Have you seen the Olympics, the competition is incredible!
• Golf balls, and the fun to be able to have multiple chances to hit the damn ball into a cup 18 TIMES!!… forget Tiger Woods…I am Cougar Jones!!
• Billiard balls and how these balls can be aimed toward and are shot into pockets on an expensive ass table!
• Bowling balls and the skill it takes to knock down pins.
• Volleyballs and the effort it takes to make someone miss it. Serve me a drink not a ball!!
• Porno stars that use balls …well you get what I mean.
The list could go on and on.
But, it is obvious that those individuals who could tell you the velocity, speed, direction, force using Newton’s laws, gravity, torque, momentum, work, chemical composition, acceleration, kinetic energy, potential energy, trajectory, atoms, molecules, particles, inelastic collisions, elastic collisions, and even about the people that play with the balls, etc. are overlooked!
No wonder the country is so damn fucked right now in the realm of education, even without the old fool President Bush (the shoe dodger)! When will the realization occur that if you don’t learn about the balls first, why play with them? Hell even hoes, giggahoes, and whores know that!! Canada is looking real nice to me right now. They don’t use balls as often as we Americans do, they have pucks!
I Love You, But God Love's You More!