Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 2...We All Know You Ain't Broke!!

Here is a brief list of things that many Black women like to have done or do on a regular/weekly basis...

Brunch with the girls
Ladies Night/Club Night with the girls
The cry on my shoulder/men bashing lunch or dinner

None of the previously mentioned activities had a thing to do with a bill being paid. To be specific we shall name the bills...

Cell Phone
Home Phone
Car Insurance

Furthermore, none of the previously mentioned activities would a black woman say "I have to wait until I get paid"! to participate in. Therefore, most of us men know that if a Black woman says she is broke...that only means she does not want to dip into the reserve funds for the "rainy day", "sexy stilettos" found at the shoe store, or that "Fendi hand bag" that she is sure no one has in their hand bag collection.

I can admit I may be exaggerating, but for the most part it is true. I can remember watching my mother make ends meet on her teacher salary. On Saturday mornings she would have her bills and her check book set for her money managing time. After all was done she would get dressed to go to the post office and mail the bills off that same day. Bills Paid! Checkbook Balanced! Money put in Savings account! Left over money to do whatever she wanted to do with!

I never wondered how she was always able to do things and entertain herself at times, but she did it. As an adult, I remember asking my mother for some financial assistance and she would tell me she didn't have it, only to be told later that day or week that I should pay her back promptly and no excuses. A Black woman is never "broke"!

I am sure we have all heard of the special days in which a person may have an abundance of money...

Income Tax Return Day
Pay Day
Pay Day Loan Day
Settlement Day
Social Assistance Day
Bonus Check Day

and those days are eliminated from the times in which you should ask a Black woman to go half or "dutch" on something. My advice is to make sure she invites you! If she doesn't she won't pay. Just in case you do ask a Black woman, beware of the ramifications of what you may hear from a Black woman such as...

We are not together so you should be trying to wine and dine me..and maybe I can treat you one day! I am an investment and the more you invest the more return you gain in the LONG run.

I have (insert number of children or dependents if applicable). What makes you think I can take you out or go half on something? What kind of man are you?

What ever happened to a Black man or any man for that matter trying to court a woman? I guess chivalry is dead.

I don't get paid until (insert day of the week) and even then I still have bills to pay. Aren't you the baller? You are supposed to hold your woman down!

Now I am sure most men have heard something of the like that explains a Black woman's position on her finances, but truth be told, it is nothing as she says it is. Some Black women may not have the money, but I am pretty sure that she has the money to do whatever she wants to do but is tired of spending it on someone that does not have the same amount of earning power that she might have.

The next time you are trying to date or court a Black woman, notice her activities. Notice and pay attention to her look and clothing. Watch and listen to what her activities are, even to the specifics of what she drinks at the bar. It may surprise you that every time she screams out how she has no money...the activities mentioned at the start of this blog are done all of the time, without fail.

I Love You But, God Love's You More!

The Power of One

I have a lot of ties, DVD's,and CD's. I have hundreds of them. I know a lot of ladies that own plenty of shoes and hand bags. In addition, I have met and friended individuals that have a plethora of collectible items such as Baseball cards, coins, stamps, artwork, and the list goes on. The most amazing thing about this remains a mystery to me and probably others. With all of the non-harmful greed we have for particular items, it is that one person, that one individual, that MOST people search for that will satisfy their yearning for the love of one in return for the rest of their lives.

It is indeed astonishing to fathom that with the things we have in abundance. Surprising and yet wonderful that it takes one person to bring us extra added happiness and companionship in our lives. (Please note...I am not speaking of those people that have multiple wives and multiple husbands, I am speaking in the sense and realm of a normal relationship and not some farce). Remind yourself of the things that you remember the most...

Your first car...
Your first kiss...
The first time you had sex...
The first time you met your boyfriend/girlfriend...
Your first house...
Your first job...
The first thing you bought from your first paycheck, from your first job...
Your first vacation...
The first concert you ever attended...
The first time you experienced something (__________) you fill in the blank.

It is refreshing to know that there are some things in life that are worth being first. It is a memory that no matter how old you get, you will always remember. It has been said for many years that there is a first time for everything. I say that there is an everything a first time is for and we will never forget those people, moments, and experiences!!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Blame it on...I-Pods, I-Pads and I-Phones...The Reason You Are Single!! NO APP FOR THAT!!

Consider what is said to the most eligible professional, single person in the age range of 25-36...
"You are a great guy/girl and any woman/man would be lucky to have you, but I am not your type."

Maybe you have heard this one...
"I don't think I can live up to the things that you may want me to. Just look at you, you have...(fill in the blanks of all that you have that the other doesn't) and I am not on your level. I feel you could do better with someone that is not me and more like you."

For the sake of completeness how about this oldie but goodie...
"Why would you want a man/woman like me? I am nowhere near as accomplished as you are."

The latter excuses or reasons for not wanting to date someone or even taking a relationship further may have been heard by you (I know I have heard it) and may have you wondering did you just open a can of Jerry Springer show buttering up, just to get let down script, from someone that you think is relationship material. Yes it is crazy but have made decisions for your life to improve it, and because you have made decisions concerning your education, financial stability, transportation, clothing and shoe selection, enunciation and pronunciation of the English language, someone does not want to continue to get to know or date you.

It has happened and continues to happen to me. I was taught at an early age to be an educated an responsible man. It was instilled in my being to have a goal that I should reach and maintain a style of living that can and is respectable. I am sure many individuals for the most part have been told that hard work and sound decision making will pay off. I am quite convinced that a healthy regimen of creating goals and working towards them will create a portfolio of success that you can be proud of...even if others aren't.

Living in the Washington D.C. metropolitan area for the past seven years have taught me that in a dating capacity, all of the aforementioned will not help you get anywhere with those who you may have a romantic interest in. It has been noted that as a male living in this locale that there is a greater number of single ladies to my disposal and that I should be having a great time meeting the multitudes of women that are "single and ready to mingle'. That is to the contrary. I have said it before and I will continue to exclaim...There is quantity. but not much quality! It is similar to the saying that everything that is good, may not be good for you. Or we can even go as far as mentioning that too much of a good thing may be bad for you. Sufficed to say, I think I have become a career dater. The faces are different, the lines are the same, and the result doesn't change!

I am still trying to wrap my mind around the concept. It is like a game of tennis, table tennis, ping pong, point and counter point, dating Tick Tack can always respond with proper reasoning to their statement of denial for continuing something viable with you and then, you respond with a great counter move all to end up deadlocked and for the most part, you are the one that ends the relationship, giving that person what they want...because you are tired or feel guilty.

So let's play a sample game of Dating Tick Tack Toe...

- You have a Bachelor's and Master's Degree. I am not as educated as you.

- Just because I went to school does not mean that I am smarter than you. We can enhance each other's life with the experiences we have learned.

- You drive a nice/nicer car and have nice/nicer things. I am struggling just to make ends meet.

- It is not about money or possessions. Everybody struggles to get what and where they want and even still, you have to struggle to maintain it.

- I have a child/children, you have more freedom than I do and well I am sure you don't want to be tied down with having to deal with my schedule of finding a baby sitter and all of that.

- You told me you had a child/children when we first met. I haven't gone anywhere so why are you bringing that up now?

- I have a lot of issues and baggage that I am still getting through. Look at you, it seems that you don't have any. Why would you want to mess with me?

- Everyone has baggage! What do you think I have arms for? Everywhere I have traveled, by air, land, or sea I have seen people with baggage. Some people have more or less, but we all have baggage. I don't hold that against you.

- Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with a man/woman like me?

This is the point in which the game is "cat"! No more moves to make because no one wins!!

You really have tried to be diplomatic about it and just try to change the subject, or harvest the crop from the seeds that have been planted in your mind that this person is not what you thought or hoped that they were. It is really sad...the disposition from it all that once again you have wasted your time on someone that has made you feel guilty and out of sorts for being a productive, tax paying, non-convict, educated, working, citizen in society.

What say you?

1. Why has the aforementioned scenario become a common practice for those within the dating age range of 25-36 (especially in major metropolitan areas with young professionals)?

2. Has the "I" generation of I-Pods, I-Pads, I-Phones, created a situation that people are scared to deal with reality of life and yet frolic and thrive in a virtual world?

3. Would it be better if I did not make choices to better my life and become someone I don't want to be for the sake of being in a productive relationship? If so, is that healthy in the long run?

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I'm So Glad I Didn't Have Sex With Her!!

I consider myself to be a pretty intuitive person. There are signals that might be minute, but tell you in a subtle way not to do particular things. For example, you can sense when a brawl is about to erupt in a night club, you gather your shit and leave. You know for some reason not to take off abruptly when that light changes to green, some fool might try to run the opposing light. In addition, you can sense when something is not right about the neighborhood you are traveling through, so you tread lightly and get the hell out of Dodge. When it came down to getting some action on New Year's Eve/Morning 2012, I can say that I am glad that I did not have sex with that woman!

For simplicity's sake I will name this woman "Koko". I have been talking to Koko for a few months now and well, we have had our up's and down's and trying times. She is a very attractive, smart, woman and she seems to be what I like. Unfortunately she has made my nerves of steel become nerves of the most brittle brand and I try to avoid her phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, and it is not going as well as I thought. We spent time together to begin 2012 and yes there was a moment when we got back to the hotel that intimacy was taking place.

At that moment, I decided to listen to that voice in my brain, that feeling in my bones that not take it any further than the shower we took together, the kissing, and the touching. I made up a lie saying I didn't have any condoms on me. Plus, I didn't want to spoil to mood to go out and buy some protection and then begin to recreate something I should have been prepared for. The truth of the issue is that I had condoms in my toiletry bag and I am ready at all times. I just felt that if I did sleep with her that night that I would see just how "thirsty" the woman can get in the aftermath. I am so glad and elated that I listened to my instincts.

For the past few days she has gotten on my nerves. She has questioned and interrogated everything about that night and why we did not have sex. Didn't she hear me when I lied and said I had no condoms!! LOL! She claims that I have had others in my past hurt me and that all she wants to do is prove that she can love me. (Great job of proving after 2.5 months!) She has said that I am emotionally unavailable and that is why I don't call her everyday! (Maybe it is because I am busy and want a chance to miss you!) We live in two different locales that are hours apart and I should be more attentive to her need for me to talk to her several times a day. (Is that light stalking of a Twitter nature?) She questions if my interest is really with her or with someone else.(I do have many interests, I thought this was clear in the dating realm of dating!) She speaks about her money woes, children woes, woe's woes, woe is her, woes is her kids, woe is her house, woe is her mother, woe horsey, woe partner, just woe! Not the Black Rob song "Whoa!", her song is "WOE"!

I can admit that I did take a step back, and that I am not as in to her as I was. I am willing to give it a chance if she would just chill for a minute. I did ask her and that went over her head like "Whoa"! We all know I can converse about many subjects, I just do not like speaking about relationships and feelings ALL of the time. I am a person who likes to laugh and for the most part she does not get or understand my humor.

I don't want to act like I am playing her, nor not give her a chance, I just wonder how things would have been if I did have sex with her. I might be writing this blog with broken limbs, stab wounds, or asking for help with a restraining order. I guess I would be like "Whoa!" (and not like "Woe!"), why In the hell did I sleep with Koko?

I Love You But God Love's You More!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


Paralyzed by the Sun
Stricken by the rain
Just as I think things are done
They begin again
Lyrics don't have their rhyme
Leaves have lost their shine
Forced to watch, wait, and see
Do you remember me?

A Moon melted by snow
Darkness appears so clean
What is it that I don't know?
Your love has made me a fiend
Searching for a something to say
Looking for a reason to know
Do you remember me?

I Love You But, God Loves You More!