Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Laughing to keep from crying!

I was thinking constantly about mommy yesterday and I figured out the gift that she gave to me, the gift that she had, and the gift she shared with others. LAUGHTER! I admit I am silly and I love to laugh. I do not let anyone know what I am thinking and play the stupid role most of the time. I suppose it is a defense mechanism but it works for me. Not everyone needs to know what is on mine (or your) mind...it is sometimes better to just listen and observe. Then think about your next action...and then act upon it. I think it is just fine to keep people (the right people) guessing. remember my trust issues...refer to that! If there is something that I have learned is that what you keep in your brain and hiding your tongue in your cheek is better than being stupid and telling all what you THINK you know.

Mom and I went through a lot together (and let me tell you it was more stuff than a child or teen should ever have to go through) but we had a way of laughing all of the time and having a good time. Most people feel I am jokester and just just to joke, be silly just to be silly, or rib just to rib. That I am a person who is not serious. That I am an individual that is goofy and very immature...boy are they wrong! If I am not laughing or having a good time alone or with friends then something is wrong. I have to laugh to keep from being depressed, sad, mad, angry, all emotions that are the antithesis of a smile on my face.

Don't get me wrong I do express those emotions that are of the pessimistic nature at times but with all that I have gone through...I know a smile, a laugh, something goofy or silly is a better reaction. With all that mom went through...a smile was soon to come. I guess I have figured out that gift, that ability, that some don't seem to know they have or have not tapped into. What makes you think a Comedian is all that happy and pleased with their past or present life? Because they can make you, and I smile and they smile along with you? Sometimes the jokes are a way to let out some of that uneasiness and sadness they may have...that's what makes them so funny. Taking those things in the world they have endured and saying to themselves, I have endured and triumphed through so much...all I can do is smile and live on. What might be next will not get me down...I have been challenged and was successful in the other horrible situations and instances in my life, why can I get through these? Thanks mom I understand it with more clarity one of the gifts you gave me...the ability to just laugh it off...to make myself and others smile...and yet be wise enough to know myself and be comfortable in my own skin!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

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