Maybe I am changing or maybe it does not bother me anymore...I preface this entry with that statement because...someone wants to leave...walk out..of my life and at this point..since I am pretty much as alone as ever...I am not fighting it. It is not that I don't care...it is more like I am a great fighter...but this fight is not as big as the one I am dealing with now.
To begin, one of the reasons I have been regarded as a pretty smart guy a damn genius in the eyes of others is that I do ask questions and I am willing to let someone know that I don't know something. In addition, I say what I feel... to not cause assumptions but to end them. I also happen to say what I can't do...rather than fake and say that I can do something. I am pretty good at a lot of things and those that I am not good at I will ask for help and/or ask for what I can do to be better...in other words show me. I am my own worse critic and my own best praise monger!
The Situation:
I asked a person special to me a question...but I made a conscious effort to let them know that I did not think of them in a typical nor generalized fashion because of the profession and the proclivity of this profession can bring due to the amount of travel involved. And the distance away from loved ones. I also expressed this at the outset because...that person does not exhibit those qualities that are usually generalized, and from the experiences I have had dealing with these individuals in many capacities. The next thing I did was ask if that person had EVER exhibited those qualities.....
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
BOOM... here comes the questions as to why I would think they are that way? Why would I ask something like that? I obviously think she is like that since I asked? On and on...and so forth! To the extent in which it was made clear that the walking shoes were on and that they were leaving and fed up!
I usually would have plead my case. I would try to change the situation...but I didn't. This time I wasn't going to because I made it clear that I did not think that...but I suppose I am the one that has created the stigma of ...
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
DING...Assuming the worst when I ask or think or say something. Yeah folks it is my fault. I have done it so much that that person is fed up to the point of...LEAVING! Although it is not official. So what do I do...
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
NOTHING...Yeah weird isn't it..because it is MY fault. I remember a specific song off of the Earth Wind and Fire...Illumination album, and I feel that I am doing this over and over again...but the realization of this has allowed me to be at peace with it. Yeah strange but true. How do I really feel...
1. I have to take the gloves off and stop fighting because I am only hurting myself.
2. Do I really need to ask or just let it be? Ask because assumptions make it worse. Let it be and do what I usually don't...that benefit of the doubt stuff...when there should not be any doubt.
3. How do you know when a disagreement is over...when a man shuts up and just let all of the talk come from the woman.
4. Is this my last chance because of my situation? It just might be, I don't know yet but hey if it is I can only blame myself!
It is weird what a life changing event can do. The perspective changes and you realize that things can change if people want to work together to change it...I know I do but then...
"WHEN A WOMAN'S FED UP...(HELL ANYONE IS FED UP...)THERE AIN'T NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!" It is not up to you anymore...it is up to the other party!
SO...let's sit back and wait..but I feel that the bags are packed and the train is on it's way!
I LOVE YOU...BUT GOD LOVE'S YOU MORE!
Fighters always recognize each other. It's always interesting to see two peoples version of a situation..it's always different. That is all.
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