Thursday, June 4, 2009

God took his angel back!

I think I shared my mother with everyone, or I suppose God did as well. As I sit here still mourning still wondering what direction to go I think about a woman that has changed many lives and still continues to....I suppose through me. I may be letting out a secret but I found a journal she kept prayers in as I was perusing for some items...let me tell you...if she knew you or didn't she prayed for you and documented the date the prayer came through. That brings me to tears just thinking about it!

My mom and I were close...extremely close! We had been through a lot together and we were barely ever at odds or had any animosity towards each other...I respected her as an individual and as a woman! She taught me how to carry myself as a man and to be a proud man. Sometimes you could be too proud but that's alright...if you have it no one can take it away from you! She was a damn good woman...even though many men did not recognize it...she still moved on and I believe in the end...that her new male interest was the one...and he was there when I got there at the hospital last night/this morning! He stayed and I am sure he was looking forward to their Wendy's Frosty date..after church on Sunday! She did join his church on Sunday as well..she joined a place she liked to worship again...and there was a special interest there as well!!

My mother was also a part of my teaching style. There were many occasions she would be on speaker phone asking the children how they are doing or telling jokes...and you wonder where I got it from? My mother was a jokester and yeah she could tell them better than me. We would laugh a lot and cry too. She and I have been through some rough and rocky times...but I guess it made us stronger and more humble! We would pray and I tell you she was a praying woman! She prayed for everyone and everything. She was the type who would pray anywhere...and not be ashamed to do it, Many of you who are reading this may have met my mom and know..she would pray!!

I am sad and happy at the same time and although this is just a snippet of things to come as I write I can't stop my tears from falling that God called his angel back at around 2:30 this morning! You all don't know how heartbroken I am because I do feel truly all alone! I have dreaded this day for years and now my fear has become reality! I knew it was supposed to happen but not in the way it did. She never told me goodbye...but I do remember her saying that she loved me before I left for work ...when she was going to the hospital!

I can't eat or sleep very well and I have tried to play it off as the strong guy...but a major part of my strength is gone...she won't ever see me get married, or possibly play with her grand children when and if I have any! My mom has never seen me teach and she was going to this summer. I even never told her a deep secret that others may know...but hey she probably already knew. I don't know what to do and confusion has taken over me. I just know that I miss my mommy, I love my mommy...she is all I had...and I am truly nothing right now. I love you mommy!!

1 comment:

  1. I don't know what to say. I am SO SO sorry to hear about your mother. My husband and I will keep you in our prayers.

    (I stop by to read your blog occasionally. I'm working toward a career in science.)