Hiding a Smile

There is a game that most of us play.  We all do it and it is easy for us to hide our cries. You rarely see on Instagram or Facebook the cries that we have.  We mostly read them through our status messages or in vain Twitter responses.  If we were to be judged for an Academy Award for the way we “act” and “carry on” , I am sure that the nominees would be far too many to mention and so great to even attempt to reward. I can admit for the past few months that I have done a good of of hiding …mostly.  Those that know (which are few) are privy to my uncertainty and bewilderment of what is next for my life.  Is it marriage or children? Is it a new job or position? Is it another traveling spree to a different country or State? I do not know. 

Most of us are in the bucket of trying to figure out what is next, soon to come, or awaiting our attention, our instinct is to hide the cries and place our smiles into the forefront.  I doubt this cycle or way of life will never end.  I guess what I will begin to do is to ponder what is behind the smile someone has, or what is included in the smile from a posted photo.  The very same reason behind our smiles could be shared with another.  Funny thing is that we act so well, our acting jobs are so superb…we may never know!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Simple and Easy!

                                   Hating me will not make you happy!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

_______________ At First Sight

I do not have an introductory word for it.  Can’t place a subject in the sentence… for as much as I try, there is no word. All I know is that when I first saw these two young ladies, I had to say something to them, approach them, and I was determined to get their name, phone number… something so that I could keep in touch and get to know them better.  Years later I am glad to say that progress has been made, and I am still intrigued by them.  I will admit that it is very hard for any woman to keep my attention.  As can be read in previous blog entries, I am one that is very hard to impress.  It is not that I am too picky (well maybe it is), but I am not in the mood nor interested in dating a nitwit, dimwit, spaced out, horny, skit-scat, hood rat, female.  I mean that with the greatest of respect.

I digress.  I don’t know what it is about “Sunshine” and “K-Boogie”, but they have really got me going nuts the past few years.  I have occupied my time with others and decided not to press too hard knowing that one of them is going to be with me at some point in my life.  If they aren’t, well all I can say that it has been great getting to know them and learning about them.  Funny thing is that, no one else has caught my eye or attention in that way.  Is it true that ___________ at first sight is true?  Is it just a weird and ridiculous saying someone thought would be cool to exclaim? Is the postulate nothing but refrigerator poetry?  In my life I have not known anyone to say it was __________ from the moment they laid eyes on that person.  I just know that I have not been able to place a word in the “blank”. I suppose it is meant for that “blank” to be filled after you land the person that caused the ____________ at first sight.  In any event, I will sit back and see. 

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Lenten Season Blues

I gave up something for Lent. It is not like I am addicted to it, but it is something that many people struggle with…sex!  Now when you are getting it on the regular it is like a routine.  The person you are engaging in this activity with is also willing to create this sexual episode littered with lust and freakishness.  However, when you have now wished that away and committed to not doing it…at least for the Lenten season, I can admit it is difficult.

Sometimes you are in your own space and alone and want some affection for the night.  You have an urge to make a phone call, you take hot/cold showers, and you do whatever you have to short of pleasuring yourself to make that feeling go away.  It works at times and sometimes it doesn’t.  I had that urge today to make a call, and then I remember what Leah said…just pray it away!

I did and the instant after the word “Amen”, the urge instantaneously vanished. It is not that I don’t have a relationship with God, but I knew that I needed to be closer to Him this year to figure out some things with my life. I decided to sacrifice a vice for the purpose of increasing my faith in the Lord and letting him fight ALL battles. It is not just key to do the aforementioned in the time of Lent, but also everyday all day.

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Settling for Perfection

No one is perfect…that is what many people exclaim.  The statement is true for the most part.  When dealing with dating, I highly disagree!  I refuse to settle for imperfection.  I am a very hard critic and I will admit that the smallest thing/incident/stupid statement/weird action/dumb discussion will turn me off and I lose interest quickly.  Isn’t it supposed to? 

Then someone will say to me…”Don’t sweat the small stuff”!  Tell that to a dog that has a flea on its ass and I am sure that the dog would highly disagree.  Small things turn into big things and thus, small things need to be dealt with before they are exacerbated.  I digress.  I have always said that the lady that I end up with will be perfect in my eyes.  My eyes are the only eyes that matter right? Since that is the case then she is perfect for and to me. 

That stupid 80/20 rule that Tyler Perry came up with is a fallacy.  The 50/50 song about love that Teddy Pendergrass sings is a farce as well.  One hundred percent and no less is how I figure it should be.  I am supposed to be 100% satisfied and happy, not an 80% success rate.  The love shared should come from 100% of both parties, not the equivalent of a 50% to 50% relationship. Share 100% of your love 100% of the time, I figure that it would be great for both parties.

I have asked myself the past few weeks, why in the world do I give chances to some women that I know are not of the 100% satisfaction rate? Why am I not satisfied when they are perfectly good women? I guess it is because I like having options and an occasional date or time spent with someone from the opposite sex is cool.

On the other hand, I don’t want to lead them on and secretly hope it fizzles out until there is a woman that excites me every minute and challenges this incredible mind I posses.  So until that time, I surmise I should tone it down with the dates and just enjoy my solitude even more.  Perfection will come along soon, I just can’t force it!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 8...Lose the Attitude Towards Black Men!

If you have gotten this far in your reading about the things a Black woman will not do, then this might be the point that some Black women will not read, be very offended, or utterly deny.  Volume 4 focused on the ability of a Black woman to accept interracial relationships. Thus, now in Volume 8, the emphasis will expound upon the attitude the Black woman has with and towards the Black man. I will not just explain some of the reasons for this, but I will also propose solutions. Do not think that this volume is to portray the Black woman in a bad light. As a Black man, ( for some who have read previous Volumes have painted me to look like a Black male Black woman basher) I am stating what I have and other Black men have experienced. Furthermore, this attitude that Black women have is common toward Black men.  Who is to blame for this attitude?  The answer is plain and simple-Black women and Black men.

Black woman’s fault:

         Single Motherhood

Take it as a signal concerning the state of our society, specifically Black society, which most mothers are single and the father is absent.  Absent-meaning that they do not contribute to the development of the child. Financial means of aid and child support is not a means to help develop a child.  Many Black women have a great time in raising their daughters. It’s somewhat an easier task due to the ability to empathize with the triumphs and tragedy of womanhood.  On the other hand, raising a boy into a man is a great challenge.  It is unfortunate that many Black women have been left to complete and conquer this challenge alone.  For the most part, Black women have failed.  What is the level of failure?  Pretty much it is a 50/50 rate, which in my eyes is failure.  Place me in the category of success. I am in the 50% that was able to be raised into a man and not a boy.  Did my single mother have a hard time?  Yes she did!  Why did she have a hard time?-Because, there is/was no man around to help raise a boy into a man.  You can simply put it in the realm as a woman attempting to pee standing up, and teaching a boy how to do so.  It is not something that can be done with success.  In addition, this single motherhood has now lead boys (being raised by women) into the wonderful life of womanhood!

      Raising Black boys into Black womanhood

Here is the cycle:

-A Black woman meets a Black “man” that is really a Black “boy” because he was raised by a Black woman (with no support from the Black “man” that impregnated her).

-The Black woman attempts to raise the Black boy on her own with minimal help from Black males.

-The Black “man” she has raised turns into a male that has female character traits (as in the film Baby Boy).

-He is not able to distance himself from his mother because the mother has tried (and failed) to boost this “man” into manhood with strong words, tough love, loud talks, easy talks, hard talks, spankings with belts, switches, broom handles, bedroom slippers, etc., police intervention, church prayers, solitary prayers, anointing of oil, kicking out of the house, urging to get employment, making them get better grades in school, urging to go to college, military, comparisons to other son’s of other parents (including other single mothers) and the list goes on.  The Black “man” as a result could end up in jail (or the criminal justice system), addicted to drugs, selling drugs, choosing to be homosexual, having no determination and aspiration to do better in life, etc. 

Note:  I am not afraid to speak upon the results (listed above) because this is the reality in many cities in the United States.  I can without any equivocation confirm that this is the path many Black “men” take because of a poor upbringing.  This has not happened to me, but has happened to some of my friends and it is sad.  I am not going to entertain any comments toward me saying that I am uplifting a stereotype of what happens to Black males, unfortunately…this is the path.  The purpose of this particular section of this Volume is to make it plain and apparent where this path (in many cases) came from.

-With all that the Black woman has done to raise her Black “boy” into a successful Black “man”, statistics show that he impregnates a Black woman, and she can’t get the support that the impregnating Black “man” did not get as a Black “boy”. Thus, the newly impregnated Black woman can quite possibly repeat the cycle of her child’s Grandmother of raising a Black “man” into womanhood IF the child is male. Imagine if the Black woman has several male children that she is raising at simultaneously, the cycle can and has reached an epidemic scale.

How do we make sure the cycle ends?  As said in Volume 4, Black women should make better choices in the MEN (Black and otherwise) that they date and allow to have sex with them! The “bad boys” are not the type a man the Black woman should allow into their life and feel that their “love” will sustain them.  The nurturing spirit of a Black woman will take over and attempt to change this “boy” into a man by doing what a WOMAN would do to raise her DAUGHTER! Ask yourself if those tactics will work on a male you wish to mold into a man. Don’t be alarmed when that does not work in child rearing a Black boy into a man and do not be surprised if it does not work when dating a “bad boy”.

   

      Potential vs. Actualization

Believe it or not this is where my own mother and I bumped heads years ago.  I would say something positive like I had a job interview.  She would look at me with regular and non-caring eyes and say (with a condescending tone) “good”.  I asked her why she sounded so disappointed and she told me that it would be better if I had the job rather than to be happy for an interview.  Potential vs. Actualization- I know many of my Black male friends that have desires and dreams to become (fill in the blank).  It is one thing to have the potential in the mind, and the other to have the goal become a reality.  Rule is to know that the Black woman has gotten tired of the potential that a Black male may speak of and she wants to see it happen.  It might be harsh and many Black men have said that they would not date or marry a Black woman because they will only get with them after they are successful.  Many Black women will present the idea that as soon as a Black man becomes rich, famous, successful, or a celebrity, that the Black man will be soon to marry and endear himself to a woman of another ethnicity.  Black men should be taught that it is great to have potential, but it is more important to realize the result of your goals.  Do not say to a Black woman what could be done, if it is not done?  Do not answer questions with the responses of “almost”, “tried”, “possibly”, or “potentially” the Black woman wants results. The Black woman has heard and been offered pipe dreams before and does not have the time nor the energy to entertain those postulates.  Proof is through actualization.  If it is not in the hand, then do not count on it.  Do not say something is there, when it has not formulated and has not actually come to pass.  Essentially, the Black woman will not put herself in a position whether mentally or physically to be let down.  Have your shit together!  

Black man’s fault:

Learning how to be and being a man- rather than being a male.

It is hard.  It is difficult to be a Black man in the United States.  That is not an excuse for not being a man.  This is different from being a male; I am speaking of being a man. I did not have many male images in my life, but the images I did have were not the best ones.  I had uncles that were close to me in some respects, a cousin that I was close to, and my grandfather who was great!  The men I had the most contact with were the one’s my mother dated and/or married.  From the examples that were in my face, I learned what NOT to do and I benefited from those hard lessons. I learned to take care of my children if I have any!  It is more than just a check and an occasional appearance at a birthday party.  It is more than a phone call and a date to the movies. It is the simple lesson of taking care of responsibilities.  It is a matter of making good choices in the woman you have sex with.  It is looking inside and wanting the child to live successfully and to be reared in the best way possible. Men do this for their children and essentially for the woman that he decided to lay down and create with.  It is not bashing the mother of the child.  It is not calling her names.  It is not disrespecting her (on television talk shows that we all know of) to her friends, privately, publicly, or in any manner. Men will respect a woman at all costs. 

Men will also not physically and/or verbally abuse a woman. A woman is not a punching bag…those are found in workout facilities.  Men that are struck by women (yes it is wrong for them to do that) must have the manhood in the fiber of their being to walk away and recognize that you fight fire with water.  The man should have the realization to protect the lady at all costs so that she is safe from all harm and that he should not be the catalyst for the harm that could come her way.  He must show her that chivalry is alive and well.  Hold the door open for her.  Enter in places after her.  Allow her to sometimes “wear the pants”.  The best a man can prove himself to be to a woman, she will assuredly reciprocate (for the most part). Love is protection and abusing a woman is not protecting her!

Date Black women (or women period) and not “girls”.

Men will also choose to be with a woman instead of a “girl”.  It is easy to make sure this is done.  How do I know?  That’s right-don’t ask how I know, I just know.  There has to be a point as a man and specifically as a Black man when you stop trying to impress and focus on improving.  Stop trying to impress a woman with your car, and improve by purchasing a home.  Stop trying to impress with your watch and apply to be accepted to earn more education. Stop trying to buy designer clothes and invest in a Roth I.R.A. Women love a man that has his mind, finances, priorities, values, ethics, educational plans, future plans, etc. in order and actualized!  Improving your life becomes impressive and in the end will take you farther with a Black woman or any woman period.  Girls, like a boy that talks a lot about his plans and has dreams of the pie in the sky, but does not have the sense of mind or the fortitude to make that pie a reality to construct, bake, taste, and enjoy!

 Let go of anger and realize there is no entitlement owed or to be expected.

I usually call it B.M.S. (Black Man Syndrome) because most Black men have it.  It is this overwhelming anger that we have and it takes awhile to let it go.  This also coincides with some Black men feeling entitled to have or to be a particular value to a person or group.  Many Black women that have incorrectly raised Black males have contributed to the B.M.S., but many Black men have continued to sustain and strengthen it. For example, if a boy happens to fall and skin his knee, the boy is told not to cry.  He it told to “man up”!  He is told that “big boys don’t cry”!  The mother reaches out and kisses the boy on his injured area and is hugged and told to “Shhhh don’t cry! Mommy will make it better and make the hurt go away!”  This is the set-up that many men have fallen for.  The boy ought to cry.  The boy ought to let out his feelings until the pain goes away.  How can a woman tell a boy to man up?  The boy feels entitled to attention when he is hurt...and we all know there are various forms of hurt, not just physical.  Furthermore, the male is told in his later years that “real men can cry and show his feelings”, when he has learned in his formative years that he should be quiet and let his mother help his hurt go away.  In some form or fashion this leads to being a “big baby” and the male is expecting to be coddled and nurtured when he is wronged or “hurt” by someone.  Black men have to “get over” it and realize that the directions and results of the world will not always be in their favor and to just grin and bear it.  It is difficult to do, but the responsibility once again goes back to the Black male relationship he should have with his father.

Solution

I can only say that there are a few words that can solve this issue.  With the definitions included with these words, a total picture can be formed about the relationship Black women and Black men should have with each other. 

Love

Strength

Support

Understanding

Faith

Trust

Whether or not the participants in the relationship are Black or of any other ethnicity the two parties involved must realize that in order to have an adult relationship, the parties involved must act and be adults.  When the Black man and Black women share the above, their relationship will be golden.  Their bond will be one to marvel over.  It is not impossible and I see it every day. The attitude that Black women have toward Black men (and yes vice versa) will change.  Don’t be surprised to see the attitudes melt away. 

To prove that there are Black women that do not have the patronizing attitude toward Black men, I have added two songs that are uplifting and celebrate Black men! Enjoy!

   

I Love You But, God Love's You More! 

A Few Rules For Peace

 

Me mean? No! I just refuse to let MY peace be disrupted. How? Here you go...

1. I can forgive you and forget you! Real easy!
2. I speak my mind, and I am not a master of tact! No Camp Cupcake comments from me!
3. When I am continuously shunned, I'll never ask and you may never hear from me again!
4. I don't believe in burning bridges, but i'll make sure to end maintainence on my side!

5. What you eat don't make me shyt!
6. I know that people know right from wrong, excuses don't matter!

I WILL HAVE PEACE IN MY LIFE...If that means I am mean, make me a grouch!

 

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

I Can't Believe She's Got Butter!

So I decided to try on-line dating.  Many of my friends were trying it and had some success so I posted my first profile.  I got a response.  From the photos and the profile I was impressed.  Several messages, responses, replies, and we finally exchange numbers to meet.  We talked over the phone for a week or two and agreed to meet in person.  We concur upon a date, but didn’t have solidified what we would do.  We met and had a drink and decided that since we have a mutual like in movies that we would go and watch one together. 

 

We head to the theater and I offer to buy some popcorn and a drink.  She obliged, and we head to the hall where the movie was showing. Before we get there I dress my popcorn with butter from the snack station and a little salt.  She waits and we choose our seats and sit down.  The lights were not dimmed yet, and we were still talking.  All of a sudden this young lady, without missing a verse in our conversation, whips out a bottle of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” spray and sprays it on her popcorn!  I am sitting and trying to not stare in total and utter shock.  (I am from the South so I am used to and not surprised by hot sauce, or paprika. But spray-able butter in the purse?) I think I went blank for the rest of the date.  I didn’t know what to say.  Why not get the butter from the butter station?  Why did she have her own butter and we were not even set on going to the movies? 

 

After the movie she wanted to go to Wal-Mart.  I didn’t even care at that point because I knew there was not ever going to be another date.  What if we went out to dinner…would she bring her own silverware, condiments, and plates too?

 

I Love You ,But God Loves You More!

The Common Denominator

The problem could be me, or it could be the choices I have made.  Yet, and still it brings me to the same point…single, and wondering why.  I can admit that I am picky, okay extremely picky, and if I had the chance to combine everything that I have dated into one woman that would seal the deal.  The only thing is…I would probably still not be satisfied.  Purchasing a home has brought me to a new level of what I want…and that also includes a woman in which I can look at and admire on a daily basis, and not have the urge to want to chat or try to get with another woman.  I am being honest.  I have been in a committed relationship, and as soon as it was over, I was fresh out on the scene wanting to venture and conquer new interests.  There are the times in which that one woman might do, but she really doesn’t and the search for my idea of perfection continues.

So is the problem me?  Is the realization that I may never be pleased with one woman and the excuse not to settle the reason?  Those are the questions that are hard to answer. I suppose it is hard to answer for anyone.  Yet, the desire does not change.  The yearning for a warm body of a woman in my bed, the kiss whether it is infatuated passion or not still remains, the feeling of counterfeit acceptance when having sex, it is still there.  Sufficed to say, I know I am not the only person who feels this way.  Besides, there has to be an answer, and I feel that it will reveal itself soon enough.

I can say one thing through the quest to find a lady that has been constant.  It has gotten me to express more about my relationship with God.  I have met a few ladies that have helped me to put Him at the forefront by doing simple and important acts… join my church, pray more often, have dialogue concerning issues that I wouldn’t have before.  I am certain that is a good thing.  I have a suspicion that it is going to lead me somewhere, and in point of fact as I write about it, this woman will probably remind me of my mother.  It is a blessing and also conviction to think this will happen.  Whoever the woman will be will have the same type of heart, and be able to put me in a place where I need to be to help me grow.  It is scary sometimes. My challenge is there for me to complete.  I need to realize that with all of the failed relationships, disses, bad dates, countless dates, text messages when not wanting to talk, excuses, little white lies, etc. that the common denominator is me.

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Realizations from Rome

I am sitting here in Rome, Italy...and I have had some time to reflect because of my current situation. I decided not to make this a spontaneous reaction blog, it is time for some changes in my life. Specifically, these changes are in the relationsips I choose to take part in, physical, emotional, or otherwise...they are not geting any better and I need to take a better inventory of the character of the ladies I am trying to court.  In addition, I need to set better goals about who and what it is that I want  The winds of change are beginning to take place and blow and take root in me.  This has happened because I , out of the blue, met a young lady that is with my travel group, who lives in D.C.   She is a different type that I have not dealt with and in the same respect, it is time to take a look at what it is that I am doing and be more responsible, not just for myself, but for a family I may have in the future. She is waiting for a husband, I am seeking a wife.  Plain and simple with no equivocation. I will write more later.  Just had to get this down in the blog.

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

October Is Here!!

I know I have been away for a bit, handling business, single again, home owner, all of that great stuff.  We all know how I feel about October so I am looking forward to all positive situations that's going to come to me in great expectation.  So I will be back soon with more posts and thoughts!!  Thanks!


I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Christmas in July...Throwing the Wrapping Paper Away!

PREFACE




In a few days (July 19th to be specific) my mother would have celebrated her 64th birthday, and as some of you know I was not able to see my mother on her birthday because of my work in New York at the lab. In addition, I would always try to purchase a gift for her that she did not already have. A couple of years ago (before her death) it was a spa treatment. Then it was 2 dozen long stem roses, some money, and a card. I was getting a little perplexed as to what I should give her. In 2009 I was going to get her tickets to see The Color Purple at the Kennedy Center, but since she was going to have surgery and the time of recovery was a slight issue, I still had that plan...and then the lab called and asked me to come, and well them mom died and thus we have what we have now.



I want to give her a gift that she didn't know too much about and that's my writing. I suppose she did know with all of the notebooks I had stacked on my desk in high school, but nevertheless... this year I will write something that is inspired by Eshe. She and my mother happen to have a great love for Christmas. I do hope you and mommy enjoy!!



Christmas in July...The Wrapping Paper



I can’t deny that I love to receive gifts. I am sure everyone does. In that appreciation of the gift we often times are in a rush to see what is inside and we tear away the wrapping paper rapidly and carefree to get to the goodies that might be inside. When we get to it, we feel one of two things...joy or disappointment. The individuals in our lives have become...either a joy or a disappointment.



While tearing open that gift we usually forget the way the wrapping paper looked that surrounded the present. The folds and tape are carefully hidden so that no flaws are noticed. Most do not care about how the wrapping paper was chosen to tantalize the eyes, to show the importance and possibility of beauty inside. The wrapping paper (whether chosen at random or specifically) for the special occasion to warrant the gift seems to be a non-concern considering that folks are yearning for the glorious present inside... we don’t view people in that fashion. If their wrapping paper is not up to par, they are discarded out of their lives, and their gift goes unnoticed.



We look for the wrapping paper that is easy on the eyes...the sight that would make the hormones jump and scream in our heads that we must have this person. Isn't it odd we ask about the appearance of the “wrapping paper” the looks of the individual, their aesthetics, body type, skin complexion…before we ask someone about their, humbleness, kind nature, good heart, honesty, values, morals, truthfulness, their “gifts”? We inquire about the “wrapping paper” on an individual before you really get to know them...on the inside. Isn’t that the objective?

Did you keep the “gift’ because the “wrapping paper” was attractive? If so, then why not keep the outside cover and throw the gift away?



All of us try to take care of our wrapping paper to the point that we go to the gym, the surgeon, the weight loss counter, dermatologist, nail salon, spa, health club, cosmetologist, barber, and so on and so forth to make sure that the wrapping paper is ready to go and be received like no other! In some respects there are very good reasons to do that. I am not harping on the reasons behind doing that, especially if it is an issue of health both mental and physical.



A great number of ladies reading this (and also those that have seen me either in person or with photos) may not like or be attracted to my outer wrapping. The nice and politically correct way that I have heard it said to me were such phrases as,



"I'm not attracted to you Clint”.



Or



"You're not my type, Clint".



Or



“Clint, I don’t think I can like you like that!”



Some ladies might not say anything at all. That is fine with me. No harm done! In fact, I like that many women did not like my wrapping paper...because it is thrown away when you get your gifts right? Some of those same ladies would say, “You don't save the wrapping paper do you?” They are right. The paper-it gets old...it doesn't look the same and perfect way after time goes on. The wrapping paper will not fit the gift anymore because it has been used, the tape doesn't stick like it used to. So knowing this...you, me, we happen to throw the wrapping paper away...the same way judgmental people throw others away because someone wasn’t attractive, they were alright, but not their type, just didn't strike as someone to be interested in. I can hear some of those folks say (with an attitude), “pass on that one”!



That was the same and exact way many men treated my mother in her dating life. She wasn't the best looking woman. Some men made a mistake and passed her by because they looked at her wrapping paper and decided that they would rather pass on the gift inside because the paper wasn't the right look for them. I am sure she can admit that some mistakes and choices were made because she looked at the wrapping paper of the men in her past relationships. Sufficed to say, that my mom and I did not happen to be born with the most elegant wrapping paper that covers the outside of our gifts, but I am sure that what is inside will not disappoint.



To bring it to a more relevant level, I recall (from Biblical tales) that Jesus was wrapped in old clothes when he was born, but did that stop anyone from serving or praising Him? Acknowledging Him as the author and finisher of your faith? Did that stop judgmental individuals (that includes all of us) from thanking Him for what He has done and WILL continue to do? He does all this knowing that some of us have above par and gorgeous wrapping paper, but less than stellar gifts inside that disappoint and let down others as well as Him all of the time.



I am proud to say that my mother was a gift. She did finally find a man that loved her for her and not just for the features of her wrapping paper. Not for what she looked like on the outside, but the joy and comfort she brought to him and others on the inside. I might not be the best looking guy. Grant it that I have lost a lot of weight and more in shape that I was years ago, but that has not changed what I have inside of me. Mommy taught me what to do to make sure a woman feels like a queen! I can admit that I have made some mistakes along the way, but my gifts have always been inside of me, and waiting for one that finally recognizes it. My mother and I had/have gifts inside...that no one is able to throw away, that would not disappoint, that would make our mates happy, that make others happy, that made her happy, that made me happy...that is all that matters!



My mother shed her wrapping paper when she was called home to be with the Lord...so that she could see His face and know that she might not have been able to see His wrapping paper...but the gift He gave to all of us fills us with joy and gladness...until we are able to hold the gift...I’ll see you again one day!!



Thanks mommy and happy birthday! I hope you enjoying your gift up there in heaven! I miss you... I really do!!! Please don't stop helping me work on my gifts!



I Love You...But God Loves You More!!

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 7...Lose the Attitude!

It’s the look. it’s that stare. The look of shear fear that people get when they see the disdain upon the face and the look In the eyes. It’s that neck roll. The finger waving sassiness that can only be described as hers. She owns it. There is no doubting it. Something that is not funny gets the fake laugh, the sarcastic snicker, the rolling of the eyes. It the the enunciated tone of the curse words-if used, and the pronunciation of the terms used. In extreme cases it is the threat of violence…shoe whippin’s, ass kickin’s, smacks with snot flying, and the oh so famous "wishing that somebody would!". It has gotten to the point that many men (from various ethnic groups) will not even embark upon a relationship with the Black woman because of it. What is “it”? It is none other than a Black woman’s attitude.

If you have not experienced any facet or segment of a Black woman’s attitude, you may not be able to relate to this Volume. If you have, then I am sure that what you will read is nothing but the plain and
simple truth. Here are some of the most famous (or infamous) times in which a Black woman has an attitude.

Lack of food. If the Black woman has not eaten, please take her to get food quickly. She will make it clear to you in no uncertain terms, way ahead of time that she has not eaten...all day...or for several hours. Take that as a not a hint but, subtle warning that the activity or situation you are in with her must be interrupted with a food break. If you do not feed her in enough time, the Black woman will change her persona into a woman that has an unattractive name such as (and no offense), Beulah, Thomasina, Willie Mae, Aquanetta, Eugenia Rose, etc. Make sure you feed the Black woman when she tells you of her hunger. If you don’t you are risking an attitude that you will have to deal with, and sometimes your own death (figuratively of course).

Temperature. Make sure that wherever the Black woman is, that the temperature is that of a comfortable level. This is the reason that many Black churches have locked their thermostat. There is only one person (other than the custodian) that has possession of the key.  The reason is to make sure the Black woman is comfortable at all times.  It has nothing to do with anyone else! If she breaks out the fan at church…she is about to get hot or is already too hot. Turn the air conditioning on before she acts like she has not eaten! If the Black woman is too cold, she will also have an attitude as that of she can not do anything. She can not move, she can‘t turn, she can’t speak, she can't go anywhere, nothing can be done by her, until she warms up. She will complain about the temperature habitus of the room. She will make it clear and under no particular terms that she will never return somewhere because of the temperature. That also includes church. The Black woman will also get an attitude with the good Lord as to why He had to make it so hot and/or so cold wherever she is and she will pray to the Lord that He does something about it when He sees fit (and she also prays it won't take too long). AMEN!

Language. For the sake of your life and living the rest of your life in a healthy manner, know how to talk to a Black woman. The Black woman will warn you of your transgression ahead of time and tell you what you will not do, tell you what will be done if you continue to talk to her in a disrespectful manner, and her course of action after the violation is done. For example:

Ray Ray/Nee Nee starts…


Black woman – I’m going to tell you right now. You will not talk to me any kind of way. So I would suggest that you learn how to talk to me or we will not be talking.


Ray Ray/Nee Nee continues…


Black woman – I’m going to tell you one last time and I will not tell you again. I don’t know who you think you are talking to but I know you do not have a child named (insert Black woman’s name). You need to learn how to talk to me if you are going to continue to talk to me. If you don’t this conversation is over.


Ray Ray/Nee Nee contines…


Black woman – does one or all of the following:


1. Walks away without saying a word.


2. Hangs up the phone and deletes Ray Ray's/Nee Nee's number from her phone. Or blocks the number from being able to be received on her phone line.


3. Takes off her shoe and hits Ray Ray/Nee Nee in the throat, and then walks away.


4. Smacks Ray Ray/Nee Nee and says… (I told you that you will not talk to me any kind of mother f*&^%n’ way didn’t I? I don’t know who the f&$k you think you are talking to you triflin’ a%# ni%#a or b*^$h!))


5. Proceeds to cuss Ray Ray/Nee Nee out not using any profanity, but happens to make him/her feel low and embarrassed, as she rolls her neck and points her finger into his/her chest and/or face.

My advice is to make sure you know how to talk to a Black woman. If you don’t, you may end up in some horrible physical pain, both physically and mentally.

Towards other woman (Black or other ethnicity). This is a very touchy topic. Many Black women will not admit they have an attitude toward other women, but they do. It is not hard to see this as there are a few things the Black woman might have an attitude about when it comes to her girlfriends. Here's a sample:

1. Clothing. – If her friends (hell if anyone for that matter) is not presentable, or dressed correctly for the occasion, or dressed in clothes that don't fit, not color coordinated, another woman is wearing the same dress or purse (like the manufacturer only made one), looks a way in which would cause a people watcher to comment in a negative fashion, you can rest assured that the Black woman will exhibit an attitude. Women must consult with the Black woman so that the collective female group does not look foolish and out of place.

2. Hair. – If your hair looks a mess, weave is ashy, hair smells foul, wig is too worn, hairstyle is too outlandish, hair color looks like a poor excuse for a Woody Woodpecker impersonator, hair looks better than hers, expect for the Black woman to have a ‘tude. She will have a look on her face that may scare the daylights out of you, and what she will say…well she will try to say it in a tactful fashion, but whatever she will say there will be a sucking of the teeth, a long utterance (like ahhhhhhhhhhhhh), please just know the attitude is there.

3. Drunk – This is a tip toe dance on the tightest of tight ropes. The Black woman can be in a great sense of attitude or a bad sense of attitude when she is drunk. Be sure you are on the good side of her psyche when this happens. If she is in a great mood while she is enjoying her drink, all of what you might say will be funny. She may be attentive and add some pizazz to the conversation. Behold, if the drunk Black woman is in a bad sense of attitude-RUN, DON’T WALK, FAR FAR AWAY! Do not argue with her. The drunk and bad attitude Black woman in her drunken stupor may…

- pick a fight

-ask people who they are looking at (especially if she does not like the person, or if the person might not look attractive to her)

-tell someone how awful they look in their appearance or what they are wearing

-cuss someone out because...hell just because

-if something does not go her way-It might be rational to her, but makes no sense to anyone else.

In any event, be careful of the drunk Black woman with the bad attitude. If you have told her a secret, make sure that she does not “tell the truth” about you! For some odd reason, alcohol in copious amounts is a truth serum for Black women.

4. Her man/boyfriend – You can beg and plead with the Black woman to see your opinion about their choice for a man/boyfriend, don’t expect for her opinion to change. When a Black woman has made her mind up about her man no one can change it. Female family members may try and they will fail. The Mother of the church she attends may try, and that advice will go into one ear and out of the other. The fact of the matter is that if anyone says something bad or unruly about the man she loves (either true or false), the Black woman will strike down upon her friend (with the audacity to present her negative view) with great vengeance and thus will be censored…until she can finally admit that that individual was/is correct.

In many cases, the Black woman might think that her girlfriend is trying to “steal” or “take” her man, and that is a “no-no” when it comes to a Black woman. She will do the following to make sure that will not happen:

1. The girlfriend will not meet her man.

2. She will not admit she has a boyfriend or is dating someone. She may just say it is just a sexual relationship to fend off any other questions or responses.

3. If the subject of a man comes up, she will say it is “nothing” and that they are “just doing them” when it is really something more.

4. She will say something untrue about the man like his sex is bad, his member is small, he has a low-paying job, he doesn’t look “all that”, he has “baby-momma drama”, she will present a conjured up falsehood.

5. If her girlfriend asks her if she is seeing someone she might say, “Girl no! You out of all people know I have taken a break from the bullshit. How about you tell me about your man!”. The other woman (especially if she is Black) will not say anything either and thus they change the entire topic to something else.

The Black woman and the protective attitude about her man has also sparked many inventions that will try to appease the Black woman’s attitude concerning him. This includes…

Caller ID


*69 feature


Facebook - “in a relationship”, “single”, “it’s complicated”, “married” profile status


Facebook – the “tagging” of photos


Facebook – the “who you are with”, “where you might be”, and "status update tagging” features


Text messaging


Voice mail


GPS


Car Pool – Some Black women do not want to drive anywhere and will not drive to a destination for various reasons that are only known by that Black woman.

It seems that Black women have used these tools to know what her man and/or her girlfriends might be up to regarding her relationship status.

5. Their own friends – This is interesting thing to me. Black women will get an attitude with their friends. This has been seen on many movies and television shows such as:

Basketball Wives

Love & Hip-Hop

Bad Girls Club

The Real World

Family Matters

Ray

Dreamgirls

The Player’s Club

You name it and no one knows why there is an attitude. It could be many factors that only they know. Some way and in some form or fashion, the attitude they have with their friends either ends the friendship, bring the friendship closer, makes the Black woman and her friends bitter enemies, promotes the Black woman to fight, allows the Black woman to speak badly about their friend, etc. Eventually, the bad omens are dropped and the relationship is sustained and is stronger than before. In some instances, the parties agree to not bother each other ever again in life. In any event, Black women are meticulous and picky about women entering and staying in their inner circle. If a Black woman does allow another into the latter and former, they are usually there for life.

Now that we have explored the issues and attitudes that Black women have with their lady friends there are a few more attitude issues I’d like to bring to light that are also of extreme importance.

Shoes. – No one told the Black woman to wear those wedge heels, stiletto heels, high heels, high heeled boots, hell heels period, to a place in which much walking and/or standing, would be taking place. Give the Black woman credit, she will attempt to keep the attitude sidelined when she can bear the pain. She will sit down for long periods of time and attempt to “play it off”. She will lean on something. She will take her foot out of the shoe and play with the shoe on her toes. She might even take the shoes off in a remote place and rub her feet for awhile. If the pain becomes unbearable, the attitude will come to the forefront.

The Black woman will complain about the event. There will be looks on her face that are not that of a person who is having a good time. She will tell you how much she can't wait to get to the car and put on her flat shoes. She will gladly let you know that when she gets home the shoes will be the first item she will take off. She will fight through the “beautiful walk” when she has her heels on, and then you will see that walk change to the “high heeled walk of pain”. Do not be surprised if she asks you to take her to a discount, grocery, drug, or convenient store to get her some flat shoes to ease the pain. The Black woman’s attitude is dependent on how quickly she can get to her flat shoes. I’d just advise you to let her know the extent of the event as far as the time spent standing and walking and advise the Black woman carry her large purse in which her flat shoes will be found, so that her attitude does not ruin the mood of the event.

Money. – If an item and/or bill costs too much, and it is something that can be found for cheaper, should not cost as much, has the wrong price listed, won’t go on sale anytime in the near future, can’t receive a discount for, bought it previously for full price and now is found discounted, someone else she knows bought it for cheaper than her, or can’t find the equivalent for a lower price, that Black woman will get an attitude.

This attitude is unlike most people and other women of different ethnicity's. For some reason, the Black woman will take it personal. They will receive this issue in their minds like someone did it to them on purpose.  The Black woman may say one or all of these phrases:

“I can get this cheaper somewhere else!”


“I could make this for the price these folks are selling it for!”


“They want (enter price) for this! They must be crazy!”


“This is on sale? Oh hell no! I bought this for (enter price) and that was just 2 weeks ago and now it is on sale? This is some bull shit!”


“I can’t use my (enter name of discount card or medium) discount for this? Let me speak to some one in charge. Better yet, let me speak to a Manager!”

The above is just an illustration. The Black woman will attempt to negotiate the cost to a lesser value. There might be a raising of the voice, there might be a rolling of the neck, a sucking of the teeth, some foul language, asking to speak to someone in a more authoritative position, etc., to be successful. If she does not get her way there is a great propensity that she will not patronize the business ever again unless she has no other alternative. When in this environment or these situations, please walk away!

NOTE: The particular company or business has now become a conversation (that will be told to anyone who will listen) of how good or bad  of a propriety they are. You can throw in the prices of the items in this conversation as well.

For No Reason. – This is a dangerous area. There will be those instances when a Black woman has an attitude for no reason at all. What do you do in these moments? I have no idea. I will say do what has been suggested…WALK AWAY and KEEP QUIET. You do not want to be the reason for her attitude, and thus the less ammunition you give her to be a problem, the better the outcome for you. Do not ever ask her what the attitude might be about, let her talk when she wants to talk. If not?-that is right, you will become the subject of her attitude.

Some people might think that I have taken this attitude reasoning a little too far. I will now prove to you that there is an overwhelming attitude that a Black woman has. Ask anyone from the following listing:

Floetry

En Vogue

The Supremes

Jade

Destiny’s Child

Nuttin’ Nyce

The Pointer Sisters

The list could go on. We all know there was some attitude there somewhere, and for any kind of reason (based on attitude) they are no longer together!

This attitude a Black woman has is dangerous and beware of it. The Black woman is not necessarily temperamental, but there are some things (as listed above) that she WILL have an attitude about. There is another topic to be discussed in Volume 8 that will also concentrate on the Black woman’s attitude. It is much too long and complicated to expound upon in this Volume. I will say this…the attitude in Volume 8 is a warranted one and an attitude that the Black woman has greatly contributed to in her own right!


I Love You, But God Loves You More!

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 6...If He Won't Lick...She Won't Take That D%$k!

The time has come for it to happen. No holding back for the both of them. The date is over and she invites the man in for another after date drink. She knows what is on her mind and he has earned enough of her trust to be able to embark upon an exciting night that will now result into the releasing of lots of frisky tension. She is just making sure and hopes that he knows how to behave and bottle in the anticipation. He has to know how to play it cool.


He has a seat on the couch and she serves a very strong libation. She knows they both need something to loosen them up just a little bit more so that the experience from the box spring boogie is worth it –mutually satisfying. Suddenly, and with a subtle smoothness, he has to adjust his trousers because he realizes that she is sending a vibe that is making her see his thoughts and he is not ready for her to see the exhalation. Too late for him, she already knows it. If only he could see what was going on in between her thighs, the humidity has definitely increased. She leans into him. She wants to smell is fragrance again. The chills are visible upon her arms.

She slides the hand that is free from holding the drink upon his thigh and slides it downward toward the area of the source of visual thought. He feels it and a slight brush of her hair upon his neck tickles him with delight. They slowly and finally with passion lean towards each other-embrace and engage in a passionate kiss. A few moments afterward they realize it might be time to put their drinks down to continue the exchange of passion. The view imagined can be documented in staccato scenes of a Viewmaster. Click! The desire behind and the meaning of the kisses shared simply…undeniable. Click! The unfastening of clothing! Click! Pants. Click! Dress. Click! Stilettos. Click! Shirt. Click!

Mouths open from heavy breathing, and then the instant when flesh finally touches flesh. She is curious and wants even more affection from him. Before the box spring boogie, she needs to know how bad he wants it. She lays her naked honey brown, chocolate body down parallel to the couch. He takes the cue and gently kisses and licks her neck, her breasts, her stomach, her thighs, her legs, her toes, and every part of her that he can see her squirm and exclaim in delight. Gently, she pulls him upward and whispers softly into his ear...”Baby, I want you to taste my love”! He moves towards her ear and whispers, “Baby, I don’t do that’! The delight upon her face transforms, contorts, transmogrifies, into shock, disdain, pissed-ness, disbelief, and utter disappointment.

She tells him with a smile as she is looking to find every stitch of her clothing…”I see. Well I think you should go. It was a mistake for us to go this far”. Sufficed to say, he is visibly shocked and tries to explain his way back into good graces with her. It is too late. When the slow jams have been turned off and the lighting has increased in illumination…yeah it is over! He should have known if you are interested in having a sexual need fulfilled with a Black woman that…If you are not lickin’, you will not be stickin’!



This is a controversial topic, and yet as this may not be true for all Black women, it is true for most. (Don’t ask me how I know…I just know!) Many men have an understanding that Black women will not allow a man to have relations of the sexual type unless he is willing to go as SWV would say “Downtown”! Notwithstanding the man’s ethnic origin, he knows this. (Don’t ask them how they know, they just know!) It is a privilege and honor to be in a glorious circumstance in which you are able to possibly make love to a Black woman. All of the usual things you may have done with other ladies of other ethnicities might not work for the Black woman! Black women do not take the ability for a man to eat her sweetness lightly and they want the most for their time. Many men will find that Black women have a sexual swagger that is unparallel. They mention their positive attitude about their sexual skills in songs, that you may hear them sing such as…

“My Neck, My Back, Eat my….”

Or

“Put it in your mouth…”

Or

“Giving him something he can feel…”

Or

“Climb up on the ladder, honey… What I got is better than money…”



I could name more, but I am sure that the point has been made. Many Black women have this amazing mindset that when it is time to do the box spring boogie, the man that does his “job” and does it well, will be well compensated for "being a good boy” and delighting her erogenous zone with oral action. Those that do not even attempt to taste the “olive garden” will be presented (with a smile) to a one way trip to the door in which they entered. In some aspects, the woman will leave the place where the action was supposed to take pace and go to someone who will do his “job” and do it the way she likes it. This is not to say that all Black women want oral delight for every sexual encounter, but you can best believe that if the man does not attempt or exclaims that he does not venture to the “love packet of goodness and flavor” that he will not have the opportunity for any type of release with that Black woman or even Black women period.

There is the issue of what a woman can do for a man and I am not going to speak on that. I am not going to focus on it and we all know why. A woman does not actually have to do that action to please a man. However, if a man happens to do his duty with excellence and majesty, he just might get the excitement and release from oral pleasure via the Black woman. I could go many places with this topic, and I am tempted to but will not. Just keep in mind that the Black woman is adventurous and is arguably the most sexually adventurous of all women from any ethnic background, simply because of the following reasons:



1. The Black woman will reciprocate what is given to her.

2. The Black woman is willing to try something new, but not without being assured there is nothing too weird, too painful, too grotesque, too expensive, too nasty, too damaging to her hair (yeah I did add that) too disgusting, and too criminal.

3. The Black woman is a challenge to please and if you succeed in pleasing her, she will succeed in pleasing her man.

4. The Black woman is serious about her sex, and if she can’t make a man release his sexual frustration she will take it personal.

5. The Black woman knows what she has to give and what she can do, and will not stop until a man recognizes that what she has he can’t get from any other woman, that also includes other Black women!

So just make sure the next time you think you want to “get it on” with a Black woman that you had better have those taste buds ready! If not, the member in your jeans will stay there…if you want to have a sexual encounter with a Black woman!



I Love You But, God Loves You More!

The Purpose of Prayer

I happen to speak to my friends quite often. Some friends more than others, but I try to keep in contact with all of them. Keep the communication lines open. See what is going on in their lives. Make sure they don’t need anything. Assure that they are not ill and to determine whether or not they need my assistance. In other instances you just miss your buddy and want to chat for awhile so that the longing is satisfied. All in all the relationship is sustained and people know what occurring in each other’s lives. It could be good, bad, tragic, triumph or indifferent. The end result is one of satisfaction most of the time that you were able to speak to your friend and get whatever that was needed out in the open notwithstanding if the contact was initiated by either person or individual. This is the purpose of prayer.

Some people have long conversations and some conduct small talk. I have heard many people in church pray in a fashion that is elaborate, and others that just say what is on their mind to the congregation. Some of my prayers have been long and drawn out. Other prayers have been as short as one sentence; the end result is some variety of satisfaction. I have whispered a prayer, said it aloud, and said it in the shower, lying in bed, on my knees, in the car while driving, at many different times and during many various activities. Once again the end result…satisfaction.

These conversations I have had with God are similar to the conversations that I have had with my friends. I do not call my friends EVERY TIME and ONLY when I want or desire something. On the same token, I do not pray to God EVERY TIME and ONLY when I want or need something. I am simply sustaining a relationship. I am letting Him know how I am doing. He is my friend, so why can’t I call Him and talk to Him whenever I need my friend? As I continue to impose, the purpose of prayer is simple and should end with the same result, although I have been in places and in situations when the result is clear, yet it is not accepted and acted upon.

For example, my good friend Sophia has had it rough the past couple of years. A lot of changes and hardships and let me tell you she is a praying woman, I just noticed that there was a reason that things would not change after she prayed. I had to look at myself and put myself in her situation (I have probably been in most of them myself) and wonder what the problem (that was still present) could be. Then I asked her…”What is the reason of you talking and praying to God when after you are finished, you still worry about the very thing you prayed about?” I let her know that she has to stop worrying after the “AMEN” is said and let Him handle it. I cited examples of things that she had a worry about in the past, finding a job, health, bad roommates, bills, getting a car, her living situation, etc. and when she stopped making it an overarching topic of her mind that things changed. My advice is the same to you… stop worrying about what you prayed about and for just let it go and He will make change come to pass. The end result …satisfaction.

The next time you call, text, e-mail, Facetime, Instant Message, your friends remember the purpose of prayers that you send up. Remind yourself of the feeling that you receive when you end those conversations. Some may say, “See ya!”, “Talk to you later!”, “I’ll holla!”, “Later!”, “Peace!”, “Good bye!”, etc. when then conversation has ended and all is said, done, and satisfied. Do the same after you say “Amen!” to complete your discussion with God. Be satisfied and stop worrying! That is the purpose of prayer!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!!

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 5...Be Seen in Public Without the Hair Done!!

Locks, long, short, micro-braids, box braids, finger waves, Jheri curl, perm, corn rows, bob, shag, afro, French roll, etc. It is not a secret that Black women love to get their hair done. Whether they relax the hair, straighten the hair, get the hair washed, blown dry, weaved, extended, cut, flat ironed, shaved, etc. the hair is getting done. You can believe that…boo-boo!!


With that said, maybe you have said or heard some if not all of the following quotes:



"Girl where did you get your hair done? It looks fierce!"



(Don't expect an answer to this question. The more clients the stylist gets the less likely the woman being asked will be able to get an appointment.)



Or



"I just paid $75.00 to get my hair done and it has to last until Saturday, so we are not doing anything tonight! So don't even try it!"



(Don't expect to get you some lovin' fellas. She told you that the hair got done, the day in which the hair style must look fresh, and that you will not get any sexual activity and/or favors until after that day!)



Or



"Those Dominican's sure do know how to do my hair right! Plus they are so cheap!"



(This is a controversial statement because many of the Black ladies that I know that frequent Dominican hair salons have their own hair (meaning it is long and grew from their scalp), or their hair is very difficult to straighten in the traditional Black hair salon, or their hair is extremely thick and the Dominican stylists have some magic potion (not Rio.. .some of you remember that "perm") to straighten their hair.



Or



"Well, I am about to get off the phone because I am going to wash my hair so I will call you later!"



(Men know that when the latter is said by a Black woman that you will get a return call the next day. The washing of hair for Black women is a process in which extreme concentration is paramount and any distraction will not be tolerated!



Or



"Hey I am going to have to call you back because I am sitting under the dryer at the salon!"



I never understood this one. Why answer the damn phone knowing you are under the hair dryer and can hardly hear me?



Or



“Do you have a hat, shower cap, book, newspaper, or something? Because if my hair gets wet in this rain it will puff up like a blow fish and I am not having that!”



The note you should keep in mind when in this situation is that, you must have some type of item whether in your car or at home that will protect the woman’s hair if water is around. Don’t find yourself without it! The Black woman’s attitude will change to one of worry. Don’t be surprised if they are looking at their hair in the mirror, phone reflection from camera or screen, sunglasses, or some instrument that they can make sure their hair has not puffed up like a troll on their head.



Or



"Hey, baby we should stay in and watch some movies tonight because I can’t go anywhere with my hair looking like this. I do not like being seen without my hair done. My hair is a mess right now. My stylist is out of town on vacation and (he or she) is the only one that I will let touch my hair. Shit, I would let Yolanda do it, but she...I don't even know! So are you coming over?"



I don't even think I need to explain the aforementioned!





If any of the previous has been heard whether you said it or someone else, then you know what is soon to follow afterwards...Do Rag, Hair Scarf, Rollers, Clips, Hair Barbie pins, you fill in the blank. It will even go as far as a Black woman dawning a wig to ensure that her own hair (that includes the sewn in weave) is unblemished.



I debated it and I am going to mention some experiences with a few ladies in my past and their hair. Have I given them any nicknames to protect them from any embarrassment? NOPE!!



Candi


2001


Cornrows = PAIN



Candi had these nice, shiny scalp corn rows (thanks Eve from the Ruff Ryders for making these popular) on her head. She complained that she had a headache because of how tight the braids were. The next complaint was the amount of hair pomade that was staining her pillows and now a towel had to be placed on the pillow for her to sleep. She did not dare take that head scarf off of her head! I was also surprised she did not get a concussion from beating the hell out of her head because the damn corn rows were itching and the Barbie pins were stuck so far in her head it broke the skin of her scalp! That was epic!



Rolanda


2002


Long and Silky Wig to Kinky, Dry, and Nappy Natural = AWFUL!



Natalie might remember as well as I do a training that was conducted for a job at a residential treatment center in the 757 portion of Virginia. I remember vividly a young lady that worked for Human Resources leading the charge in the training sessions for our job assignments. She was a light skinned, thick, pretty chick and I did flirt with her a little. On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday her hair was middle of the shoulder length and very straight or what women would say permed or relaxed. Thursday and Friday I thought we had a different Black woman training us because the long and silky hair was gone. The hair the entire class saw those two days was blown out, thin, ashy, dry, and she looked like a damn troll. I couldn't believe that she would let the wig or whatever hair she had on the days prior go, and then come out of the door looking like her hair was some old ass carpet. One thing is for sure, I know she had a scarf on her head when she slept at night! Oh the traumatic sight I still remember!!!





Simanco


2010


Long and Silky to Natural Jheri Curl = AMAZING!



She would get her hair done every week with some lady named Susie. Guess where Susie was styling her client’s hair? That’s right at the Dominican hair salon. The funny thing about Simanco’s hair was that when it was not straight it was as curly as a Jheri curl. If her hair was wet, that is exactly what it resembled. Straight up 1980’s style all the way! It reminded me of one those girls that sang with the musical group called The Jets. If you put Simanco in the video or on the stage with them she would fit right in. There is a weakness with her hair and that weakness is moisture. I tell you, when the awful molecules of liquid in their gas or liquid form hit her hair, all bets are off. Her hair will tighten up, from its straightened stance. I have seen it in person. It is like Dr. Banner changing into the Incredible Hulk! It was always amazing to me how different the hair would be from the simple straight, silky, and long to the curly, tight, vice grip like curls that her hair would transform into. Wow!





Tomiko


2011


Various natural hair styles


Main Style: The Afro = SIMPLY SEXY!



I am sucker for it. When she and I first met, the afro was my weakness. I don’t know what it is about a big, natural, freshly picked afro, but I love it. I kind of miss seeing it on Tomiko because she did a great job with her ‘fro! It was not the traditional tightly packed afro, it was a more of a free and loose afro, and it was simply gorgeous. Most people know I am a sucker for an afro, and I am looking forward to a specific person who will remain nameless to get her afro style on and poppin’! I digress. Tomiko had various hair styles going on for her when we would hang out. She did the flat iron natural long hair. She would place her hair in a pony tail at times. The main style she would rock (at least for the most part) was the afro. She knew I was a sucker for it and had no reservations in making sure it was something that would make me sweat.



It can be seen in various style and fashion couture magazines, on the street, on the subway, the bus, the mall, wherever you go. Black woman have an affinity to their hair to the point that it is a major factor in making life decisions. Some Black women will cut their hair to a short or shorter style after a hard and tumultuous relationship break-up. In addition, they will cut their hair because the hair is too hot upon their neck in the summer. Other Black women will add hair extensions or hair weave to speed up the process of their shortened hair to grow faster. Some Black women will switch their hair-do with the aid of a wig to help them feel more glamorous or to hide some imperfection that they do not want seen. Whatever the reason might be, I feel that Black women are beautiful when they keep it simple.



I would suggest to the sistahs that they find their signature style. It may take a long duration of time, trying out many styles, cutting and growing your hair, wearing long and shot haired wigs, enduring bad perms and split ends, the list can go on. Just find your style that you are the most comfortable with AND looks good on YOU! I would hate to have a portal of photos on my person just so I can figure out who you are because of the plethora of hair styles that can be produced in just a month, hell even a year that I could not recognize you! If you would not like to be characterized by your hair, then please for the sake of all that is good on earth, do not use your hair as a limitation to what you can and can’t do in your life.



I Love You, But Got Loves You More!

A Soilder in The Army of Love

A common cliche' comes to mind...

All is fair in love and war!

It is true.  I sometimes find myself wondering if I am a casualty, prisoner of war, prisoner of love, missing in action, commander, general, petty officer, private, or even retired.  I don't know these days. 

We are all trying to get to the point in which we want to live our lives and enjoy it with someone in which we can not function without.  We yearn for that man/woman in which we love to lay with at all times of the day and night.  We wish to day and night dream about that individual that amazes us and yes, causes us to do some crazy and unimaginable things.  People desire to share their past, present, and future world with that someone who will take the chance and opportunity to understand them and love them under no particular rules and circumstances.  Since ancient volumes of fairy love tales have been written...the desire, want, and need for love has not changed.

Then, when an unknown time in your life appears, and you have gone through the battles, skirmishes, wars, conflicts, spats, affairs, dilemmas, and have either become a winner, a loser, or a no contest result, you want to retire and be in love. I find myself in the position of a 5-star general about to apply for disability...sometimes the heart and mind can't take anymore.

I am sure I am not the only one who has made a battle plan, only to change it when the person you are fighting for has decided that your territory is not the place to explore and lay claim.  I am sure that others, not only myself have exhausted all resources and have pulled out all of the creative tactics to garner the white flag of others in our conquest of the "land of emotions, desire, and the heart". How many have decided to lay down grenades and bombs of possible mistrust and disrespect to gain a response that will guide us in the direction we should go?  Recall the times in which you have had long conversations with your allies to develop a new plan of action or strategy, only to be blindsided by an attack that left you wounded and questioning rather or not you should go on.  I know I have been in situations in which the cost was too high and the reward was too low and I decided to pack up the camp and retreat, never to engage in a war with that person ever again.

There are many different outcomes and several ways and means to get to a desired and sometimes undesired result, the only thing I can say is ...Keep Fighting!  You have to believe in the future! The battleground can get cold, lonely, and treacherous.  There might be an "unfriendly" littered along the path to the person you desire, but you have to keep fighting.  If you have no one to fight for or to fight with, keep fighting anyway. There is always pain within your passion, and the desire to fulfill that passion is what blocks out the pain.

I know that things are changing as far as love is concerned in my own fight. If I can offer some advice, I would say to do the following:

1.  Pick your battles wisely!

 - Some people are not worth the resources, time, and energy to fight for.

2.  Never lose sight of your goal and who you are!

 - Never change the fiber of your being, your integrity, or your values to gain an advantage. In the end, you have only hurt yourself.

3.  Stand up for what is right! 

-Just because someone may look good, it may not be good for you.  Eliminate the wrong ones before your love camp is compromised.

4. Too much gathering of intelligence from outside sources can cause unwarranted controversy. 


-Your allies are YOUR allies and are not going to fight all of your battles or always have the correct information.  If it is "TOP SECRET" then it is for a reason.  Sometimes you may need to label your own files.

5.  Everything and everyone is not for everybody!

- Create your own tactics and strategy for your own battles.  What may work for one person may not work for you.

6.  It is okay to retreat and lose. 

-There is nothing wrong with attending to your wounds and realizing that some battles are not meant for you to win.  You are too tired and spent to continue waging a war you know you won't win.  Remember during those times that sometimes you have won...even when it appears you have lost!

I have not yet fully retired, and I do enjoy the opportunity of new conquests and lands to explore.  I am just doing it in a more intelligent way.  I know that one day in the future I shall have a great ceremony in which I am dressed to the nines with all of my allies around me watching the conquest end, my surrender, and the young lady to whom I have rendered my white flag to will retire this 5- star general as her "prisoner of love".  She will not only be my "medal", but my "lady of honor"!!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!!