The problem could be me, or it could be the choices I have made. Yet, and still it brings me to the same point…single, and wondering why. I can admit that I am picky, okay extremely picky, and if I had the chance to combine everything that I have dated into one woman that would seal the deal. The only thing is…I would probably still not be satisfied. Purchasing a home has brought me to a new level of what I want…and that also includes a woman in which I can look at and admire on a daily basis, and not have the urge to want to chat or try to get with another woman. I am being honest. I have been in a committed relationship, and as soon as it was over, I was fresh out on the scene wanting to venture and conquer new interests. There are the times in which that one woman might do, but she really doesn’t and the search for my idea of perfection continues.
So is the problem me? Is the realization that I may never be pleased with one woman and the excuse not to settle the reason? Those are the questions that are hard to answer. I suppose it is hard to answer for anyone. Yet, the desire does not change. The yearning for a warm body of a woman in my bed, the kiss whether it is infatuated passion or not still remains, the feeling of counterfeit acceptance when having sex, it is still there. Sufficed to say, I know I am not the only person who feels this way. Besides, there has to be an answer, and I feel that it will reveal itself soon enough.
I can say one thing through the quest to find a lady that has been constant. It has gotten me to express more about my relationship with God. I have met a few ladies that have helped me to put Him at the forefront by doing simple and important acts… join my church, pray more often, have dialogue concerning issues that I wouldn’t have before. I am certain that is a good thing. I have a suspicion that it is going to lead me somewhere, and in point of fact as I write about it, this woman will probably remind me of my mother. It is a blessing and also conviction to think this will happen. Whoever the woman will be will have the same type of heart, and be able to put me in a place where I need to be to help me grow. It is scary sometimes. My challenge is there for me to complete. I need to realize that with all of the failed relationships, disses, bad dates, countless dates, text messages when not wanting to talk, excuses, little white lies, etc. that the common denominator is me.
I Love You, But God Loves You More!