Friday, July 3, 2009

Feeling Dependent?

It will be a month tomorrow since the untimely, and senseless loss of my mother. I am astonished that I have made it this long and I thought that I would have jumped over a bridge or did some harm to myself, but I haven't. It is not even a thought that I have, I don't have the energy nor the will to entertain ending my life, because I have too much more to accomplish and also to make sure that mommy's death is recognized as a grave grave mistake and that the doctors and surgeons who caused it are held responsible.

If you are a parent, make sure that you know what your child is doing and the reason or reasons why. I say this because for years I was not happy at all...neither was my mom, but I made sure I would do whatever I would have to, to make her smile...and thus the grades and accomplishments in school and ensuring I did not get into trouble or worry her for no reason. I did that for years...through junior high school right up to when I graduated with my bachelor's degree, I held back a lot of things from my mother so she would not worry...I drowned myself into my music., and watching what not to do to be a man, and of course how to handle business.

That did not mean I wasn't happy, I was happy in some respects, but overall I truly wasn't. I was more worried about my mother than myself. I never really and probably still don't worry about me too much, I just know I will be okay and be able to handle what comes my way. As long as I know what direction to go in, I will make the best of it. In contrast, she was probably more worried about me than herself and sheltered me from some of her inner frustrations, but I suppose we were actually doing the same thing..worrying about each other. This leads to my main topic for writing this blog.

Then I learned that the "Harris Way" was something that I would understand later on in life...this priming of me from the frustrations my mom would go through was just a set-up for me to carry it on...and I truly do know what the "Harris Way" is all about...WIN! That is right just WIN! Now that does not mean that you will not lose some battles...but WIN the war! the cost of making others happy! the cost of making some other people disappointed or upset. WIN ...knowing that some days my be rough and some days may be good, but all of it is needed to be able to WIN the war! WIN...when you know you are right and although others may say you are wrong, or others may be the majority, stick to your faith and your resolve and know that the road less traveled often has the least traffic. achieve and accomplish tasks successfully and always try to help someone else to get to that level as well. WIN...knowing that you will FAIL if you try to make everyone happy. it is not meant to try to make everyone happy...especially if you are not happy. making sure you have all of your ducks in a have you documentation and accurate notes...that you have made the job easier for someone to represent you by having your stuff together.WIN...knowing that God will do what He said He will do, He will keep His word and will give you your desires in the time that He wants to do it in. Your faith must be fit and tested at times to make sure that you are able to and to ensure that you will WIN...WIN...WIN...WIN!!!

I can only imagine when my mommy's soul was about to be judged what happened when she answered the questions...and then when she was able to meet the Lord and Savior finally and see that He is still alive and well...and the dance that she did when she looked back at all of the times she won and lost, cried and smiled, was sick and well, was hungry and nourished...Oh and when she was told by the Almighty...come on in, you have been good, you have been faithful, you have served me in and out of season, I want you to come on in to my house and dwell with me and the others who have WON!

I am waiting to get there myself one day. I do realize that I have a legacy to maintain and one to keep alive. One thing is for sure, I may stumble, I may fall, I may be down, I may lose some battles along the way here and there, and I may be weary at times...but like the forefathers of this great nation and like our troops over in other lands are fighting we are all INDEPENDENT and BLESSED! On this eve to Independence Day 2009, if you are feeling dependent let this message be just for you...but one thing I will make sure I do and I hope that you and all that you love and care for carry this train of continue the "Harris Way" and say...I will WIN...I will WIN... I will WIN!!

I love you but God loves you more!!

1 comment:

  1. Losing a parent is so hard Clint and I pray you find peace here on Earth soon. Your mother would want the best for you and from where she is I'm sure she is looking down hoping that you find the power to be happy again soon.