Lord Knows I'm Trying

 

The past few days have been a struggle.  Yesterday was bad since the 49ers lost the NFC Championship game. However, I am proud my team made it that far with four different quarterbacks.  That is a hell of a feat. I digress.  Lord knows I am trying.  I know what I am used to. I know what gives me stability. I know what gives me energy and hope. The crazy thing is that for the past 2.5 years I have been amid confusion, turmoil, bliss, uncertainty, happiness, triumph, all at the same time. That is not me! I know it is life, but damn! I supposed I can’t complain. Others have it worse than me. So, what in the hell do I do? Lord knows I’m trying.

This is not easy.  I am a person that strives off direction, personal control, and hope.  When all of those facets are gone, I might as well be gone with it. Grant it, has it come close…yes.  Has there been a breakdown to the point of no longer ever having a reset button…yes.  What is it that keep me going now…Lord knows I’m trying. Some would say ask God for guidance.  That is a good suggestion.  The question I would pose is…What if God does not want me to be guided?  Now I am not trying to be blasphemous.  The issue is the issue.  Hasn’t that been my issue?  The guided path that is of a predictable nature that leads to me knowing where I go and what I want to do?  Maybe guidance will do more harm than good.

Then there is the issue of me being able to “not panic” and “relax”. I am trying to do both. Lord knows I’m trying.  I do not have the best track for relaxing.  I feel something should always be accomplished. Something should always show my progress.  In addition, there is always something I am thinking, and my relaxation is stunted.  Do I stop thinking? I get paid to think.  I have been thinking all of my life…hard to do that now. Lord knows I am trying.

For the first time I will ask for suggestions from the readers of this note.  Please do not tell me to gain access to a substance that will inebriate me.  I do believe that is a temporary solution. Got any ideas?  Please share. Lord knows I am trying.  Just hope it can be accomplished before it is to late!

I Love You But God Loves You More!