Saturday, February 4, 2012
Marriage...Is it the "Finish Line"?
I am a thirty-something, heterosexual, childless, STD free, Black male with a Bachelor's and Master's degree... and I am unmarried. You can take the above sentence...dissect it, plug and play any adjectives that you wish. With that sentence, I am looked at with eyes wide open and astonishment. Is it the childless part? Is it the degree section? Is it the mention of my age? I suppose it is the segment in which I am unmarried? Whatever part it is, I will have to say that eyes and mouth are wide open of those that hear it and the look of surprise takes over.
Just imagine what will begin to happen in the next few months when Winter comes to a close and the Spring appears again. Those that received wedding engagement rings will send out their invitations to their most wonderful and cherished event. Ladies will solidify the wedding dresses and party favors for their esteemed guests. Gentlemen will sit with their prospective wives and narrow down the venue, colors, flowers, reception area, guest list, wedding party members, minister/judge, to officiate the glorious event.
One can also turn on the television and watch shows to compare what they would like to see at another couple's wedding. Contests held by early morning talk shows to see who will have the expenses for their wedding paid. Coverage of the wedding dress dash that happens at a bridal shop each year will once again be featured. The list continues on and on. It is sobering. In point of fact, it does not seem all that glorious when the festivities are over. I guess it is the same aftershock when someone finds out that I am a thirty-something, heterosexual, childless, STD free, Black male with a Bachelor's and Master's degree...and I am unmarried. The connection is there.
As I am not the only person in my age range that is in this situation of being a damn good catch and unwed, I know especially from the situation with Lauren (sorry I had to add you in this one) everything is not for everybody, and thus marriage is not for everyone. I was not a person in her estimation that she would like to date, but when it comes to friends (insert cash register sound here) welcome to the Zone! Maybe people like me are career daters, but I digress.
I know what is seen on television, and similarly I know what is seen of me. I am reminded of how great marriage can be, and I can remind someone of how great of a man I can be to a lady. I can see the intricate details of happiness that is exhibited looking over old wedding photos and remembering good times, as well as I can look and delve into memories captured by a picture and laughing about the times that were shared with a potential mate. All in all it does not mean that I was meant for that person nor is marriage meant for everyone. If marriage is for you then you will know it is for you and not doubt it. Grant it that people try marriage and they sometimes fail and they sometimes are sustained.
I can admit that I am not ready for marriage and I am not able at this time to account for another personality, and another attitude in the room. Marriage is not necessarily the finish line. Marriage does not mean your relationship is in bliss or happiness. I know several happily, unhappy married people. Some people get married for convenience of sex and others because it is a tax break. The media has also done a great job of turning marriage into an action and bond that is not very sacred anymore. It is something to do when you "feel" that you are in love and ready to "settle down". It's sad how "media pressure" and "peer pressure" force others to do things that they may not want to do.
I think gardening is a lot like marriage. You search for the right grounds and lay claim to that portion of land. You put in a lot of work to cultivate it and then all you can do then is pray and wait. Make sure that there are no weeds growing in the area in which your garden resides and you wait. You pray for the right type of weather to come and help your crop grow and you wait. You add some plant food to help the crop grow along and you wait. Essentially, if you are not wiling to put in the work...you will not receive a crop to harvest. You get out of it what you put into it. You can't do much more than that I suppose, and yes I can be wrong. I guess in my case we can only...WAIT!!
What say you?
Is marriage truly the "Finish Line"?
If not then what is?
I Love You But, God Love's You More!