I received a series of text messages this afternoon from a young lady I had a liking for. We met at a roof top party in the Summer of 2011 and we hit it off very well. She is a native of Jacksonville, FL so for all intensive purposes of this blog her name will be "Jaguar"!
We went on a few dates and while I had and interest in progressing our friendship, I thought that feeling was mutual. The incident that turned me off was her attitude at a concert we attended many months ago and from that point on I decided to exit stage left and scale down my attempts to zero. My thought process was that if she wasn't going to show any interest in moving forward to something more, then I am not going to show any either. I didn't call that much if any after that concert. I text her seldom if at all. I moved on and knew it wasn't worth my time. I pretty much placed her in the, "hear nothing and know nothing" portion of my mind.
Today Jaguar decided to text me. The following are the text responses (in text short hand of course):
Jaguar - Hey Clint. How are you? Are u on facebook?
Clint - Sup stranger and yes I do.
Jaguar - Life is what's up! Ok I'm going to add u if I can find u lol.
Clint - Yes life is always changing.
Jaguar - Cool. Well I have to be honest with you. I've been self reflecting. I know that I kinda disappeared on you. The truth is...I want to apologize. I should have been honest like you asked. I felt that you may have wanted more than friendship and that's what I want. So I didn't want you to get the wrong impression. I really do feel like I want to apologize for the way it happened. That's all.
Clint - Before I respond. R u sure of what you wrote. It kind of confuses me.
Jaguar - What r u confused abt? It makes sense to me but that doesn't mean u get it lol.
Clint - You said that I may have wanted more than a friendship and that's what you want. Does that mean you wanted more or you just wanted a friendship?
Jaguar - I just wanted a friendship but thought u wanted more.
Clint - Ok. Well I accept your apology. I figured you had no interest in me after awhile so its cool.
Jaguar - Glad u accept. I don't see u on fb tho.
Clint - Doesn't mean I am not still pissed about it. Wow u can't find it?
Jaguar - I don't expect you not to be pissed. You're human. I just kno that I could've clearly handled it better and I am woman enuff to say so
Clint - Well i hope no one does that to you.
Jaguar - Point taken
To be plain and simple, an apology is not for you to see that a person is admitting that they have done you wrong. The apology is for the other person to feel better and make amends to their own self-conscious to what they have done to someone else. The willingness so tell someone that you are wrong and that you are sorry for what you have done is cleansing and beneficial for the one giving the apology and that individual only. Many people have done pitiful and hurtful things to me and vice versa. We all are persons that can be liars, wrongful, rude, and full of shit to others. You, as a reader of this blog know exactly what I am speaking of. The prerequisite of being honest starts with being honest with yourself. For some reason many feel that since they have apologized to you, that things are all swell and dandy. Next, the recipient of the apology should be ready and able to let person rendering the apology back into their lives and continue life as if nothing has happened. NOPE!!
If I would have responded to Jaguar with the anger and mean spirited attitude that I might have deep within, that would have made me look like the person who was immature and had the problem. It is always better to let the person know that it would be a shame if someone did the same mess they did to you, to them. People really do not like fairness of life and do not want Karma's stunt double to be on stage, dancing in front of them as she/he is sliding up and down the pole, mesmerizing you, only for his/her to strike you from behind. Can't act like she/he isn't coming, we all know Karma is!
In addition, as I have written time and time again in this blog and in my dating life, I ask for two things...time and honesty! Another lady proves that what I ask for might seem simple, but difficult to act upon.
By the way, the reason that Jaguar could not find me on Facebook is because, I have made it so that I can not be found by essentially searching for my name or e-mail address. HA HA HA!!! I wonder if she is ever going to figure that out!!
I Love You But, God Loves You More!