What would make a Black woman utter the words...
"There are no good Black men!?"
What would make a Black woman exclaim...
"Black men are low down and dirty scum of the Earth!"?
What makes a Black woman convinced when she says...
"I am done with Black men! They are all the same!"?
I suppose it could be one or all of the following scenarios.
The Black man that has impregnated the Black woman, does not honor his end of the relationship with the child that is finally born and becomes an absent father, both in financial and parental support.
The Black man thought to be fond of or in love with the Black woman abuses her physically and verbally.
The Black woman has provided and contributed more in a financial sense because of her education and lucrative employment in the household than the Black man despite his lack of education and lack of a well paying job. He isn't grateful and is wasteful with the funds he earns and does not care or wish to place money into the household for his own selfish reasons.
I have experienced all three of the former scenarios, which led my mother to speak the words mentioned in the latter. I replied...
Aren't you raising your son to be "good", to be "honorable", and to be "different" than the Black men that you have dealt with?
My mother never said another word that was negative about Black men from that point on. It is sad to say that other Black women that have dealt with various gruesome situations with Black men. Their displeasure and disgust has transcended into a hatred to the point that they refuse to date Black men anymore and have turned to dating men of another ethnicity. That is not the purpose of this blog. The point of this blog is to make light of the near hatred that Black women display on their faces and in their heart when they see a Black man dating, married to, or have a child with a woman of another ethnicity or race. This topic is a horse of a different color (No pun intended...or maybe it is?).
I had a conversation with a Black young lady I will name "V-Love" and her tone and disposition changed when the topic of interracial dating was brought up. She has extreme frustration when she considers herself to be a "good" Black woman that has "put up" with a lot of B.S. from Black men and for some reason, these Black men have decided to test the waters of love with a woman of a different ethnic background. She in a way feels abandoned and distraught that here she is, all a Black man could ever need and want, and a Black man decides to choose someone that isn't her, nor have any racial relation to her via skin color or otherwise. I will even go further and say that my ex-girlfriend (who is a single mother of a teenage daughter) did not like when her sister married and had a child with a White man. She also said in our conversations that she would be disappointed if her daughter dated a man that was of another ethnic background. I was taken aback by that, but nevertheless she and "V-Love" share that same disdain and frustration.
In addition, I have spoken to a plethora of Black women that despise and hate the thought that since they are "good" (I will also include my ex as being good because she was a great girlfriend when we were getting along) that a Black man would over look them for someone of a different race. It displays that Black women are somewhat naive when it comes to the root of the problem and the solution. Before someone gets upset and says that I do not have the ability to be unbiased, I will also include my beloved mother in this grouping of naive Black women.
Here are a few solutions in helping Black women to deal with the realization of interracial relationships...
1. Everything ISN'T for everybody! - Not every Black man on the planet is supposed to be with a Black woman. If that was the case then there would be no combined colors to beautify the Earth. There would be no pink flowers because the combination of white and red produce pink. There would be no green flowers because when combined, yellow and blue make green. With all of the colors on this Earth that are produced and can be adored, not every color is mixed with their own and not every mixed color has combined with another mixed color. If nature can deal with it and produce a beautiful array of visual expressions, then why can't a Black woman do the same thing?
2. Make BETTER choices in the men that you date! - A lot of the stigma that Black women have for Black men can be changed with a simple inventory of what you find important in a Black man. If he does not posses it then move on. Leave him alone! Stop making excuses for him!
There are many ways to do this. Consider the following, if ALL women would only date men that have college degrees, then ALL men would be busting their tail to get college degrees. Ladies have that unspoken power over men knowing how competitive we are to fight to acquire and run through the fire to get what we desire. (I like that it rhymes!) When you ask the question about his education you can rest assured that he would have gone on and made sure he had his college degree. You and other women set a standard that NO man will ever get a chance with you UNLESS he had attained this goal.
So let me tie in solution one with the aforementioned thought. Since everything isn't for everybody, and college isn't for everyone, and attaining a college degree is not the goal for many for their life to be complete, and that some women may not even care if a man has a college degree or not, then making better choices weeds out those that may cause you to have second thoughts about a particular trait that they have.
It seems that just by allowing yourself not to budge on one issue that the selection process has gotten easier. Sure there are exceptions that we make for everyone that we encounter, just think about WHEN those exceptions are made not WHY the exceptions and overlooking has been done. If he is not meeting AND exceeding the personal parameters set for your dating life then DON'T CHOOSE HIM! Stop trying to change a man into what you want him to be, if he isn't on par with you, then stroll on to the next one!
3. Be more confident in who you are! - Many Black women will not admit it, but having a problem with the color of the woman that a Black man has chosen makes YOU look insecure about who you are! It is not that serious to "grit" or "mean-mug" an interracial couple. What does that make you look like? You guessed it, the one with the problem. I have written a blog on this site entitled, What You Eat Don't, Make Me Shyt! this should be your thinking when you see a couple of this nature. Their choice of who to love, who to have sex with, who to kiss, who to have a date with, who to endear the rest of their life to should have no effect on you.
For instance...There are a lot of "church goin'", "hand clappin'", "tambourine shakin'", Black women. I see them on Sunday morning having a good time in church. Take them out of the church setting and into a situation in which they see an interracial couple and it seems that the ugly personality comes out of them and the dirty looks and snickers are sure to accompany. The odd thing is that the same "church goin'", "hand clappin'", "tambourine shakin'", Black women have never seen Jesus Christ or God and worship Him without knowing His color, but would have a problem with His creations loving one another. Why? Because the colors aren't the same! Why? Because the "church goin'", "hand clappin'", "tambourine shakin'" Black woman would say, "Hey, that Black man is meant to be with a Black woman like me...Praise Moses!" That is totally wrong and childish.
I mentioned to my ex the same thought and she was silent afterwards. It was even quieter when I supported the fact that her Black sister MARRIED a White man and they produced a child. As we all know children are BLESSINGS from God Almighty! Should my ex then look at her own nephew with disdain and disgust because of the choice her sister made to marry and create a beautiful child that was a blessing from the good Lord? I seriously doubt it! Of course she wanted to change the subject!
4. Stop making the relevant men relevant! I have said it time and time again that since I am a Black man that is not in the news or a negative statistic that I am not relevant. I am a man with higher education, a man that is heterosexual, a man who has never been involved in the criminal justice system, a man who is childless, a man who is STD free, a man who is financially stable, and a man who is living in his own home; yet and still ladies go and want to date the "bad boy" and date the men that cause the headlines on the radio and television air waves. These Black women say there are NO GOOD BLACK MEN, when I know plenty of Black men that are like myself who would love to be with a lady OF ANY COLOR! I know there are plenty of GOOD BLACK WOMEN because they are always made relevant in the media. It is rare that Black men are thought of in this fashion ESPECIALLY when many Black women are making reference to those men that are the antithesis of what I am and many of my Black male friends are. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS AND STRADDLE BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE!
The more that Black women claim that there are NO GOOD Black men, the less likely they are to find those GOOD Black men and consequently...they just might consider dating or date a man of a different race! How silly would it then be to receive the same scowls and mean looks that these same Black women gave others who decided to date individuals from another ethnic background? Very silly indeed!
I am sure that the debate can go on for years about this topic, and I am sure that it will. The one thing to notice is that the interracial dating issue will not go away because love will not go away. Love will not die and love will not choose to be with couples that only exist of the same ethnic background. I have dated many women from different races and they are all the same to me. I have been criticized and told hurtful things from all races that know that I have done this, but I don't really care. The world would be boring knowing that the only colors that exist are those that do not mix. If that was the case then ask yourself a serious question that happen to be lyrics to a song by Curtis Mayfield...
If you had a choice of color
Which one would you choose my brothers
If there was no day or night
Which would you prefer to be right
How long have you hated your white teacher
Who told you, you love your black preacher
Do you respect your brother's woman friend
And share with black folks not of kin
I Love You But, God Loves You More!