It is a Friday or Saturday night. You have that urge to go out and and dance, meet new people, and party the night away following a trying work week. Or maybe your peeps are in town and want to get together and get their flirt or groove on? Perhaps you feel that your mojo has taken a dip and you want to see if you still have that undeniable and recognizable swagger to charm the opposite sex? But, before you leave to venture around the streets of Washington D.C., you do that last check in the full length mirror (of course), and the following lyrics may come to mind when you are posing...
Ain't nobody dope as me I'm just so fresh so clean (So fresh and so clean clean) Don't you think I'm so sexy I'm just so fresh so clean (So fresh and so clean clean)
(Change clothes and go) You know I stay, fresh to death
I brought you from the projects
And I'm a take you to the top of the globe so let's go (Change numbers and go)
Uh huh yeah, uh (Now girl I promise you, no substitute)
It's just me
Cause when they act up
That's when you put it on
Get em uptight
This is your song
Poke out yo' back
Time to impress
Pull out yo' Freekum Dress!
Oh oh oh oh
Put yo' freekum dress on!
which ever song that is in your head that causes you to move and sway just a little to confirm that you are looking good and ready to party! As Cookie would say you are "suited and booted"! You might be riding alone to meet your crew at the club, picking up some people since you are the designated driver, or possibly you could be awaiting a ride from your friends. The hype for the night is increased when you are traveling towards D.C. and the flickering lights at the apex of the Washington Monument is in view.
You and your crew have made all of the minor details that accompany Washington D.C. nightlife. To ensure that you will have no foul-ups to get into the club the following has been done...
Full names on the guest list. (No nicknames this time.)
The VIP hook-up has been contacted 26.3 times (5.7 voice mails left and 20.6 conversations throughout the week to clear up the plan!)
The tickets are in tow and extra copies of the flyer/e-mail/text message just in case they are needed.
Driving path/Metro station and parking has been mapped to make sure you arrive in time and avoid traffic.
There are many other preparation protocol but those are just a few.
The car is parked and now away we go to walk to the club when you notice there is a LINE! Not just a LINE but a LONG LINE! No worries. You walk over to let the security personnel know you have a ticket/you are on the guest list/you know (insert name of VIP hook-up person here) and they told you (insert info here)/You have a text message/flyer/American Express card/voting card/etc. All to be told that the line is...you guessed it, right where you were before you walked up to security. Don't call your VIP hook-up, they can't hear the phone inside the noisy club, or when you do talk to the person they can not hear you and vice versa.
Finally the line is moving and the identifications are checked,bags are inspected, frisked for weapons, names for the guest list are given, tickets taken, flyers confiscated, all to see that THERE WAS HARDLY ANYONE IN THE CLUB FOR THE LINE TO BE THAT DAMN LONG! Congratulations, you have been suckered into the Washington D.C. nightclub scene!
Is the aforementioned scenario a little extreme? It might be. But for many of us that have had a "night from hell" in a D.C. club, it isn't. I have caught on to it now and I do not feel the need to wait in a line to be a part of the "curb eye candy" to show rubber-neckers passing by that the particular club is "on and popping"! If we are being used as club bait, then pay us for our services. Why should club owners and promoters benefit from our inconvenience to increase the profit their club receives?
If measures are taken to go as far as that to show that a nightclub is the place to be, then it must not be the place to be. I can have a great time doing the same thing at a nightclub (exclusive or not) that has no outstanding and ridiculously long lines. Trust me, I have had a great time in places where there was no line and no waiting. Simply pay the cover charge, get your ass in, and party! I know this might be a first for me, as bold as I am, but I do not want to name the names of some of these night spots in D.C. that use their customers as club bait, but I am sure many people can name these clubs and place those names in the comment section. I know of some, but it would be beneficial for others to name these spots so that we do not allow them to pimp us. We are the people that pay the bills of these promoters and club owners.
Don't we already wait in enough lines at the club? Let's see...
There is the bathroom line with no paper towels to dry our hands!
Can't forget about the line at the bar! I can't even get a drink because there are only 2 bartenders and 2 waiters/waitresses working the WHOLE damn bar area!
There is the valet parking line as you wait to leave. It shouldn't take 20 minutes to find and drive my car to me, and yet the valet drivers want a tip? Here is a tip...Find my car a little quicker!
There is the all famous picture line. We all know that is the line that has the Biggie and Tupac background with a bottle of St. Ides malt liquor in between Biggie and Tupac images. Along the top of the back drop the M.C. Hammer slogan, "You can't touch this!" is written. Of course the picture is taken with an old ass Polaroid camera and hopefully the damn camera works, or you have repeat the same old ass, drunk, ghetto poses for the camera man again.
If the club you are patronizing has more than one level, then you have the stair/elevator line. No one is moving because one security guard stands in the way and the other security guard wants you to walk around them directly into the opposing incoming stair traffic. It is hot, sweaty, funky, drunk people gridlock.
The other lines that you have endured do not matter because you are drunk and want to leave the club. Why? Because there is a line to get out of the door when leaving, that happens to merge with the line that is trying to enter the club. Why? Because the club entrance is the same as the exit of the club.
Just when you have survived all of the club lines, you happen to then be exposed to the line at the IHOP/Denny's/Silver Diner/Ben's Chilli Bowl/Snack'n'Shack because everyone from other clubs have decided to converge and eat at the same time and at the same restaurant.
It is really a shame all that we do to have a good time at some of these clubs in the District. I can only ponder as to why the "clubbin'" thing gets old. Maybe it isn't the attitudes that people encounter and deal with. Maybe it isn't the fear of a fight or some type of violence. Maybe it is the fear and terror of the DAMN LINES!!! I got a song for that...
I Love You But, God Loves You More!