She is He and He is She!

I have noticed in the past several days that the trials in the dating life that I am enduring and have endured, women have as well. Why is this a surprise? Because I have ALWAYS thought that women have had the upper hand in this whole relationship game. For the most part I still do, but maybe they have been the recipient of the same mess I have been though…just on opposite side of the gender gap.

I can admit that I am not ready for a relationship, but I am ready to mingle and see where things can go. Knowing the latter means a lot, because for the first time I am able to actually say that I should not be in a relationship, because I will probably mess it up, try to impress her and get mad that she is not impressed by my actions and words, hook up with a chick because she wants something that I am not giving...like money, or just for miscellaneous reasons. I really need to get myself together before it is too late. I can say that I have some pretty cool female friends that listen to me and that I do not group them into the same category as all other women, but it takes time to get them there…remember I don’t trust anyone.

This is a process and it may take a long while. This does not mean that my sexual activity will subside…maybe it will, but I know and I have made it known (as she has also) that we are just doing this for our own purposes. I know it is not supposed to be like that, but I might change my mind. Maybe the introduction of sex into anything messes it up. We shall soon see, but I now have a clearer understanding that men and women do each other dirty, BUT I still believe women have the advantage. Until I meet a woman that can change my mind (and I probably won’t) my view will stay the same.

I Love You, But God Love’s You More!

It's Time!

There comes a point when you realize that if you don't do something to stop the bleeding (no pun intended), end the madness, recognize and end the pain, that it will kill you or destroy you. I have made the first step today. I am very close to going over the edge, if I haven't already, so I am going to do something about it and at this point I don't really care what anyone might think...even those of you who are reading this. I understand that I am one of the smartest people in the world, yes I am a genius, but then I should be able to recognize that I can not do this alone any longer. I also realize that I am the person to blame for some of this and that I have let it go too far, so I have to stop it. I have to be the one to make the changes and make things better.

It has been years and years of of me taking it and just letting it settle in me. The it being pain, anguish, hurt, dispair, and now add anger, anxiety, and of course depression. What makes me happy? I know that music does. There is nothing like being on stage and performing. Chemistry, I hate to say it right now is not making me happy, it is something that I love dearly, but it is not helping my mental aches and pains. It is not soothing my soul as it should be...so there needs to be an intervwntion before I am no more. I might blog more often than I have in recent months...and we will see how it goes. I do know that I have already mentally prepared and made a change and what I will do on Monday puts my plan in action. So once again I say...it's time!!

I Love You, But God Love's You More!

The Re-Introduction!

I have done a lot of "cutting off" lately. I have "cut off" people, started some new habits, and venturing out slowly but surely. It is a new re-introducing of myself...again. What that means in its entirety I do not know but, it seems I have to do it. As I have written in previous entries I have grown tired of the lip-service people happen to bring...friends and otherwise... and though some may find that I am being negative, I am being realistic. I am really tired of the stupidity and if I don't "cut off" the things that bother me...and don't speak on then I feel I am doing a service of malice to myself! It just brings to mind the humanistic stupidity that we ALL have. There are so many ideas of good and evil, right and wrong, negativity and positivity, with the billions of people on Earth, we just fight and bicker over it to the point of physical violence. I digress. I am entering a new period of re-introduction to the world. I can not say I do not like who and what I am right now, but sometimes a clearer definition without the frills is a good thing.

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Disappointment Appointments!

I have really had enough of the disappointment individuals throw at you. It is a damn shame. I suppose it is because I have this high standard that I hold people to, and that people want to be separated from others, but I don't do that. Friends get offended when I group them together, but yet I see them as the same. I suppose that is a flaw that I have but it comes back to the point of being tired of disappointment. I wish people would take more responsibility of what comes out their mouth and what they contract themselves to do for others. I think that if that type of action is done in most cases things would be better. We will see though, we will see.


I Love You, But God Loves You More!