Apologies Are Not Really Meant For You!

I received a series of text messages this afternoon from a young lady I had a liking for. We met at a roof top party in the Summer of 2011 and we hit it off very well. She is a native of Jacksonville, FL so for all intensive purposes of this blog her name will be "Jaguar"!

We went on a few dates and while I had and interest in progressing our friendship, I thought that feeling was mutual. The incident that turned me off was her attitude at a concert we attended many months ago and from that point on I decided to exit stage left and scale down my attempts to zero. My thought process was that if she wasn't going to show any interest in moving forward to something more, then I am not going to show any either. I didn't call that much if any after that concert. I text her seldom if at all. I moved on and knew it wasn't worth my time. I pretty much placed her in the, "hear nothing and know nothing" portion of my mind.

Today Jaguar decided to text me. The following are the text responses (in text short hand of course):

Jaguar - Hey Clint. How are you? Are u on facebook?

Clint - Sup stranger and yes I do.

Jaguar - Life is what's up! Ok I'm going to add u if I can find u lol.

Clint - Yes life is always changing.

Jaguar - Cool. Well I have to be honest with you. I've been self reflecting. I know that I kinda disappeared on you. The truth is...I want to apologize. I should have been honest like you asked. I felt that you may have wanted more than friendship and that's what I want. So I didn't want you to get the wrong impression. I really do feel like I want to apologize for the way it happened. That's all.

Clint - Before I respond. R u sure of what you wrote. It kind of confuses me.

Jaguar - What r u confused abt? It makes sense to me but that doesn't mean u get it lol.

Clint - You said that I may have wanted more than a friendship and that's what you want. Does that mean you wanted more or you just wanted a friendship?

Jaguar - I just wanted a friendship but thought u wanted more.

Clint - Ok. Well I accept your apology. I figured you had no interest in me after awhile so its cool.

Jaguar - Glad u accept. I don't see u on fb tho.

Clint - Doesn't mean I am not still pissed about it. Wow u can't find it?

Jaguar - I don't expect you not to be pissed. You're human. I just kno that I could've clearly handled it better and I am woman enuff to say so

Clint - Well i hope no one does that to you.

Jaguar - Point taken

To be plain and simple, an apology is not for you to see that a person is admitting that they have done you wrong. The apology is for the other person to feel better and make amends to their own self-conscious to what they have done to someone else. The willingness so tell someone that you are wrong and that you are sorry for what you have done is cleansing and beneficial for the one giving the apology and that individual only. Many people have done pitiful and hurtful things to me and vice versa. We all are persons that can be liars, wrongful, rude, and full of shit to others. You, as a reader of this blog know exactly what I am speaking of. The prerequisite of being honest starts with being honest with yourself. For some reason many feel that since they have apologized to you, that things are all swell and dandy. Next, the recipient of the apology should be ready and able to let person rendering the apology back into their lives and continue life as if nothing has happened. NOPE!!

If I would have responded to Jaguar with the anger and mean spirited attitude that I might have deep within, that would have made me look like the person who was immature and had the problem. It is always better to let the person know that it would be a shame if someone did the same mess they did to you, to them. People really do not like fairness of life and do not want Karma's stunt double to be on stage, dancing in front of them as she/he is sliding up and down the pole, mesmerizing you, only for his/her to strike you from behind. Can't act like she/he isn't coming, we all know Karma is!

In addition, as I have written time and time again in this blog and in my dating life, I ask for two things...time and honesty! Another lady proves that what I ask for might seem simple, but difficult to act upon.

By the way, the reason that Jaguar could not find me on Facebook is because, I have made it so that I can not be found by essentially searching for my name or e-mail address. HA HA HA!!! I wonder if she is ever going to figure that out!!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

So Disrespectful!!!

I have a vast knowledge of how to approach women. I have done it since I have been in the realm of dating. There is one question that both men and women ask at the outset of getting to know someone. Moreover, in befriending people there is a question that is asked not only for the sake of general knowledge, but also for the sake of seeing if you and this particular individual may have something in common. Here is the question...

Where are you originally from?

Everyone asks that question, I am pretty sure! The tricky part of this question is actually REMEMBERING, where the person is from. I can pretty much tell you where folks are from. Here are some examples:

T.J. - Chesapeake
Sandra - New York
Joe - Alabama
Crystal - South Carolina
Sunshine - Detroit
Mimi - Va. Beach
My mommy - North Carolina
Katheryne - Maine
Dizzy - Virginia
Leah - Pittsburgh
Duddy - Roanoke
Koko - Philadelphia
Lauren - New York
Adonia - Oakland
George - D.C.
Keith - Alexandria, VA
*Madison - Pittsburgh

It is pretty simple to know and remember this one portion of an individuals life. In addition, some of the people I have named I may have known for less than a year and some for more than 4 or 5 years.

This brings me to the person that has an asterisk. Madison has done the unthinkable. She has known me for over a year. She has slept with me. She has had dinner with me. She has slept in my bed, drank, and got drunk with me. She's been in my car. I've been to her house. We've stayed in a hotel overnight and...wait for it...wait for it...does not know where I am from originally! She claims that she wants to start a relationship with me and she doesn't even know where I call home? She has lost her chance PERIOD!

Furthermore, she states that I never told her where I was from? I know I asked her and I know she asked me. Such a shame. Do you know what else I find it? I find that... let me see here hmmmmm...

SO DISRESPECTFUL!!!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 4...Accept Interracial Relationships!

What would make a Black woman utter the words...

"There are no good Black men!?"

What would make a Black woman exclaim...

"Black men are low down and dirty scum of the Earth!"?

What makes a Black woman convinced when she says...

"I am done with Black men! They are all the same!"?

I suppose it could be one or all of the following scenarios.

Scenario One:

The Black man that has impregnated the Black woman, does not honor his end of the relationship with the child that is finally born and becomes an absent father, both in financial and parental support.

Scenario Two:

The Black man thought to be fond of or in love with the Black woman abuses her physically and verbally.

Scenario Three:

The Black woman has provided and contributed more in a financial sense because of her education and lucrative employment in the household than the Black man despite his lack of education and lack of a well paying job. He isn't grateful and is wasteful with the funds he earns and does not care or wish to place money into the household for his own selfish reasons.


I have experienced all three of the former scenarios, which led my mother to speak the words mentioned in the latter. I replied...

Aren't you raising your son to be "good", to be "honorable", and to be "different" than the Black men that you have dealt with?

My mother never said another word that was negative about Black men from that point on. It is sad to say that other Black women that have dealt with various gruesome situations with Black men. Their displeasure and disgust has transcended into a hatred to the point that they refuse to date Black men anymore and have turned to dating men of another ethnicity. That is not the purpose of this blog. The point of this blog is to make light of the near hatred that Black women display on their faces and in their heart when they see a Black man dating, married to, or have a child with a woman of another ethnicity or race. This topic is a horse of a different color (No pun intended...or maybe it is?).

I had a conversation with a Black young lady I will name "V-Love" and her tone and disposition changed when the topic of interracial dating was brought up. She has extreme frustration when she considers herself to be a "good" Black woman that has "put up" with a lot of B.S. from Black men and for some reason, these Black men have decided to test the waters of love with a woman of a different ethnic background. She in a way feels abandoned and distraught that here she is, all a Black man could ever need and want, and a Black man decides to choose someone that isn't her, nor have any racial relation to her via skin color or otherwise. I will even go further and say that my ex-girlfriend (who is a single mother of a teenage daughter) did not like when her sister married and had a child with a White man. She also said in our conversations that she would be disappointed if her daughter dated a man that was of another ethnic background. I was taken aback by that, but nevertheless she and "V-Love" share that same disdain and frustration.

In addition, I have spoken to a plethora of Black women that despise and hate the thought that since they are "good" (I will also include my ex as being good because she was a great girlfriend when we were getting along) that a Black man would over look them for someone of a different race. It displays that Black women are somewhat naive when it comes to the root of the problem and the solution. Before someone gets upset and says that I do not have the ability to be unbiased, I will also include my beloved mother in this grouping of naive Black women.


Here are a few solutions in helping Black women to deal with the realization of interracial relationships...

1. Everything ISN'T for everybody! - Not every Black man on the planet is supposed to be with a Black woman. If that was the case then there would be no combined colors to beautify the Earth. There would be no pink flowers because the combination of white and red produce pink. There would be no green flowers because when combined, yellow and blue make green. With all of the colors on this Earth that are produced and can be adored, not every color is mixed with their own and not every mixed color has combined with another mixed color. If nature can deal with it and produce a beautiful array of visual expressions, then why can't a Black woman do the same thing?


2. Make BETTER choices in the men that you date! - A lot of the stigma that Black women have for Black men can be changed with a simple inventory of what you find important in a Black man. If he does not posses it then move on. Leave him alone! Stop making excuses for him!

There are many ways to do this. Consider the following, if ALL women would only date men that have college degrees, then ALL men would be busting their tail to get college degrees. Ladies have that unspoken power over men knowing how competitive we are to fight to acquire and run through the fire to get what we desire. (I like that it rhymes!) When you ask the question about his education you can rest assured that he would have gone on and made sure he had his college degree. You and other women set a standard that NO man will ever get a chance with you UNLESS he had attained this goal.

So let me tie in solution one with the aforementioned thought. Since everything isn't for everybody, and college isn't for everyone, and attaining a college degree is not the goal for many for their life to be complete, and that some women may not even care if a man has a college degree or not, then making better choices weeds out those that may cause you to have second thoughts about a particular trait that they have.

It seems that just by allowing yourself not to budge on one issue that the selection process has gotten easier. Sure there are exceptions that we make for everyone that we encounter, just think about WHEN those exceptions are made not WHY the exceptions and overlooking has been done. If he is not meeting AND exceeding the personal parameters set for your dating life then DON'T CHOOSE HIM! Stop trying to change a man into what you want him to be, if he isn't on par with you, then stroll on to the next one!


3. Be more confident in who you are! - Many Black women will not admit it, but having a problem with the color of the woman that a Black man has chosen makes YOU look insecure about who you are! It is not that serious to "grit" or "mean-mug" an interracial couple. What does that make you look like? You guessed it, the one with the problem. I have written a blog on this site entitled, What You Eat Don't, Make Me Shyt! this should be your thinking when you see a couple of this nature. Their choice of who to love, who to have sex with, who to kiss, who to have a date with, who to endear the rest of their life to should have no effect on you.

For instance...There are a lot of "church goin'", "hand clappin'", "tambourine shakin'", Black women. I see them on Sunday morning having a good time in church. Take them out of the church setting and into a situation in which they see an interracial couple and it seems that the ugly personality comes out of them and the dirty looks and snickers are sure to accompany. The odd thing is that the same "church goin'", "hand clappin'", "tambourine shakin'", Black women have never seen Jesus Christ or God and worship Him without knowing His color, but would have a problem with His creations loving one another. Why? Because the colors aren't the same! Why? Because the "church goin'", "hand clappin'", "tambourine shakin'" Black woman would say, "Hey, that Black man is meant to be with a Black woman like me...Praise Moses!" That is totally wrong and childish.

I mentioned to my ex the same thought and she was silent afterwards. It was even quieter when I supported the fact that her Black sister MARRIED a White man and they produced a child. As we all know children are BLESSINGS from God Almighty! Should my ex then look at her own nephew with disdain and disgust because of the choice her sister made to marry and create a beautiful child that was a blessing from the good Lord? I seriously doubt it! Of course she wanted to change the subject!


4. Stop making the relevant men relevant! I have said it time and time again that since I am a Black man that is not in the news or a negative statistic that I am not relevant. I am a man with higher education, a man that is heterosexual, a man who has never been involved in the criminal justice system, a man who is childless, a man who is STD free, a man who is financially stable, and a man who is living in his own home; yet and still ladies go and want to date the "bad boy" and date the men that cause the headlines on the radio and television air waves. These Black women say there are NO GOOD BLACK MEN, when I know plenty of Black men that are like myself who would love to be with a lady OF ANY COLOR! I know there are plenty of GOOD BLACK WOMEN because they are always made relevant in the media. It is rare that Black men are thought of in this fashion ESPECIALLY when many Black women are making reference to those men that are the antithesis of what I am and many of my Black male friends are. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS AND STRADDLE BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE!

The more that Black women claim that there are NO GOOD Black men, the less likely they are to find those GOOD Black men and consequently...they just might consider dating or date a man of a different race! How silly would it then be to receive the same scowls and mean looks that these same Black women gave others who decided to date individuals from another ethnic background? Very silly indeed!

I am sure that the debate can go on for years about this topic, and I am sure that it will. The one thing to notice is that the interracial dating issue will not go away because love will not go away. Love will not die and love will not choose to be with couples that only exist of the same ethnic background. I have dated many women from different races and they are all the same to me. I have been criticized and told hurtful things from all races that know that I have done this, but I don't really care. The world would be boring knowing that the only colors that exist are those that do not mix. If that was the case then ask yourself a serious question that happen to be lyrics to a song by Curtis Mayfield...

If you had a choice of color
Which one would you choose my brothers
If there was no day or night
Which would you prefer to be right
How long have you hated your white teacher
Who told you, you love your black preacher
Do you respect your brother's woman friend
And share with black folks not of kin

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 3...Have a "CAN DO" attitude!

I am a positive person, or at least I try to be. In the life of a Black man that has mostly dated Black women, I have heard many things that will deny me (or any man) the ability or the propensity to get to know more about a lady. We ALL have our preferences and concentrations on what we find attractive and have defined our point of non-compromise. Men and women of all ethnicities, and especially my "sistas" talk about their "deal breakers".

For the sake of completeness and clarity a "deal breaker" is defined as:

An issue/occurrence(whether tangible, or superficial) that would stop an individual from starting and/or continuing the process of courting with the opposite sex.

Some examples of "deal breakers" are:

Lack of a job
Lack of a car
An abundance of children (one child can be too many for some)
Gold teeth...well bad dental aesthetics period
A cornucopia of friends of the opposite sex
Lack of a degree
Height
Financial stability
A plethora of tattoos

I have have had conversations and been on plenty of dates and situations in which a Black woman will tell me her "deal breakers". Naturally one will take a mental inventory and see that they do fit the portal of preferences that will keep your chances of moving forward and progressing sustainable. Unfortunately after awhile it becomes more annoying hearing what a Black woman "can't do" rather than what she "can do"?

Maybe it is human nature as a whole about what a person will not accept and their willingness and boldness to share it to anyone who will listen. I feel there comes a time that you have to realize your abilities both mental and physical in a relationship as opposed to your difficulties to starting or continuing one. Many Black women seem to lack this ability, UNLESS it is brought to their attention.

I was in a situation in which a Black woman who we will name "Duddy" would tell me many of the "deal breakers" she had. Here are a few of Duddy's "deal Breakers"

Distance (out of state)
No education
Not financially stable
Having more than 1 child
Not having pretty teeth
No automobile

All of that was well and good with me. I suppose I was able to move to the next step of courting her since I was not in the categories previously mentioned. The problem came when there were no more conversations about what Duddy CAN'T do, and what Duddy CAN do! I asked her specifically and she could not answer the question. I can say that is where the courting stopped. I was not willing to move further with a person that is not willing to look within herself and find the things she CAN do. In point of fact, I suppose Duddy did not want to progress with me because I was someone she COULDN'T do (no pun intended)!

This seems to be a problem not only for Duddy, but for my good buddy...Tonya aka "Sunshine" (as Dizzy would call her). Tonya would be quick to tell me the things that she could not achieve with me and dodge plans we made for us to hang out. Her difficulties in doing things and hooking up. The apathy of ability to make plans with me in the long term. How she CAN NOT deal with issues that will put her on the spot and make definitive decisions that require conviction and a test of integrity. I caught on to that vibe. So I simply asked her one night to tell me what she can do and give me the things that she has the ability to do. The plans she can make. The time she can give and spare. The abilities that can come to fruition. To this day, those questions and requests have fell on deaf ears!

I am aware that I would be a fool to ask a Black woman or any woman for that matter what she CAN NOT do, put up with, compromise, accept, look the other way, give a person a pass, allow a mulligan, etc. Here is the irony of the situation that I find peculiar. With ALL that the Black woman has endured, triumphed, overcame, and so on, why can't many of them speak about what it is they CAN DO? I have heard the negativity with the name "boo-boo" at the end of their phrase and I can't hear anything that is positive. Why? Because nothing positive and optimistic is ever uttered.

There have to be some Black women out there that can tell us men some encouraging words and some gospel. There have got to be some Black women with good vibes and energy that strive to talk about their aptitude and not their incapability's. I like those aspects. So until that time, I'll just wait and see. There are some out there...maybe they will comment on this blog.

Before I am criticized about this blog, I do have some proof.

Remember this...

Philippians 4:13
King James Version (KJV)
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.


Questions:
What are your "deal makers" instead of your "deal breakers"?
What is it that you CAN do or your CAPABILITIES in a relationship rather than what you CAN'T do or INCOMPETENCE'S?


I Love You But, God Love's You More!

Dedication to "Sunshine"!

I am extremely upset by her, and I have searched for the best representation for my disgust through song. I finally found it. I sent it to her via text message and I guess I will wash my hands of her. I do have a feeling she will be back! Here it is...



I Love You, But God Love's You More!

Words With Friends and Word Fued Challenge!!!!

All I can say is that I am that damn good. The only issue is finding someone who can beat me! LOL So if you think you can, leave me a comment and we can play!!

I Love you, But God Love's You More!

Clubbin' in the Washinton D.C. Night Life...What are you waiting for? Seriously, what?

It is a Friday or Saturday night. You have that urge to go out and and dance, meet new people, and party the night away following a trying work week. Or maybe your peeps are in town and want to get together and get their flirt or groove on? Perhaps you feel that your mojo has taken a dip and you want to see if you still have that undeniable and recognizable swagger to charm the opposite sex? But, before you leave to venture around the streets of Washington D.C., you do that last check in the full length mirror (of course), and the following lyrics may come to mind when you are posing...

Ain't nobody dope as me I'm just so fresh so clean (So fresh and so clean clean) Don't you think I'm so sexy I'm just so fresh so clean (So fresh and so clean clean)

or

(Change clothes and go) You know I stay, fresh to death
I brought you from the projects
And I'm a take you to the top of the globe so let's go (Change numbers and go)
Uh huh yeah, uh (Now girl I promise you, no substitute)
It's just me

or

Cause when they act up
That's when you put it on
Get em uptight
This is your song
Poke out yo' back
Time to impress
Pull out yo' Freekum Dress!
Oh oh oh oh
Put yo' freekum dress on!

which ever song that is in your head that causes you to move and sway just a little to confirm that you are looking good and ready to party! As Cookie would say you are "suited and booted"! You might be riding alone to meet your crew at the club, picking up some people since you are the designated driver, or possibly you could be awaiting a ride from your friends. The hype for the night is increased when you are traveling towards D.C. and the flickering lights at the apex of the Washington Monument is in view.

You and your crew have made all of the minor details that accompany Washington D.C. nightlife. To ensure that you will have no foul-ups to get into the club the following has been done...

Full names on the guest list. (No nicknames this time.)

The VIP hook-up has been contacted 26.3 times (5.7 voice mails left and 20.6 conversations throughout the week to clear up the plan!)

The tickets are in tow and extra copies of the flyer/e-mail/text message just in case they are needed.

Driving path/Metro station and parking has been mapped to make sure you arrive in time and avoid traffic.

There are many other preparation protocol but those are just a few.

The car is parked and now away we go to walk to the club when you notice there is a LINE! Not just a LINE but a LONG LINE! No worries. You walk over to let the security personnel know you have a ticket/you are on the guest list/you know (insert name of VIP hook-up person here) and they told you (insert info here)/You have a text message/flyer/American Express card/voting card/etc. All to be told that the line is...you guessed it, right where you were before you walked up to security. Don't call your VIP hook-up, they can't hear the phone inside the noisy club, or when you do talk to the person they can not hear you and vice versa.

Finally the line is moving and the identifications are checked,bags are inspected, frisked for weapons, names for the guest list are given, tickets taken, flyers confiscated, all to see that THERE WAS HARDLY ANYONE IN THE CLUB FOR THE LINE TO BE THAT DAMN LONG! Congratulations, you have been suckered into the Washington D.C. nightclub scene!

Is the aforementioned scenario a little extreme? It might be. But for many of us that have had a "night from hell" in a D.C. club, it isn't. I have caught on to it now and I do not feel the need to wait in a line to be a part of the "curb eye candy" to show rubber-neckers passing by that the particular club is "on and popping"! If we are being used as club bait, then pay us for our services. Why should club owners and promoters benefit from our inconvenience to increase the profit their club receives?

If measures are taken to go as far as that to show that a nightclub is the place to be, then it must not be the place to be. I can have a great time doing the same thing at a nightclub (exclusive or not) that has no outstanding and ridiculously long lines. Trust me, I have had a great time in places where there was no line and no waiting. Simply pay the cover charge, get your ass in, and party! I know this might be a first for me, as bold as I am, but I do not want to name the names of some of these night spots in D.C. that use their customers as club bait, but I am sure many people can name these clubs and place those names in the comment section. I know of some, but it would be beneficial for others to name these spots so that we do not allow them to pimp us. We are the people that pay the bills of these promoters and club owners.

Don't we already wait in enough lines at the club? Let's see...

There is the bathroom line with no paper towels to dry our hands!

Can't forget about the line at the bar! I can't even get a drink because there are only 2 bartenders and 2 waiters/waitresses working the WHOLE damn bar area!

There is the valet parking line as you wait to leave. It shouldn't take 20 minutes to find and drive my car to me, and yet the valet drivers want a tip? Here is a tip...Find my car a little quicker!

There is the all famous picture line. We all know that is the line that has the Biggie and Tupac background with a bottle of St. Ides malt liquor in between Biggie and Tupac images. Along the top of the back drop the M.C. Hammer slogan, "You can't touch this!" is written. Of course the picture is taken with an old ass Polaroid camera and hopefully the damn camera works, or you have repeat the same old ass, drunk, ghetto poses for the camera man again.

If the club you are patronizing has more than one level, then you have the stair/elevator line. No one is moving because one security guard stands in the way and the other security guard wants you to walk around them directly into the opposing incoming stair traffic. It is hot, sweaty, funky, drunk people gridlock.

The other lines that you have endured do not matter because you are drunk and want to leave the club. Why? Because there is a line to get out of the door when leaving, that happens to merge with the line that is trying to enter the club. Why? Because the club entrance is the same as the exit of the club.

Just when you have survived all of the club lines, you happen to then be exposed to the line at the IHOP/Denny's/Silver Diner/Ben's Chilli Bowl/Snack'n'Shack because everyone from other clubs have decided to converge and eat at the same time and at the same restaurant.

It is really a shame all that we do to have a good time at some of these clubs in the District. I can only ponder as to why the "clubbin'" thing gets old. Maybe it isn't the attitudes that people encounter and deal with. Maybe it isn't the fear of a fight or some type of violence. Maybe it is the fear and terror of the DAMN LINES!!! I got a song for that...


I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Marriage...Is it the "Finish Line"?

I am a thirty-something, heterosexual, childless, STD free, Black male with a Bachelor's and Master's degree... and I am unmarried. You can take the above sentence...dissect it, plug and play any adjectives that you wish. With that sentence, I am looked at with eyes wide open and astonishment. Is it the childless part? Is it the degree section? Is it the mention of my age? I suppose it is the segment in which I am unmarried? Whatever part it is, I will have to say that eyes and mouth are wide open of those that hear it and the look of surprise takes over.

Just imagine what will begin to happen in the next few months when Winter comes to a close and the Spring appears again. Those that received wedding engagement rings will send out their invitations to their most wonderful and cherished event. Ladies will solidify the wedding dresses and party favors for their esteemed guests. Gentlemen will sit with their prospective wives and narrow down the venue, colors, flowers, reception area, guest list, wedding party members, minister/judge, to officiate the glorious event.

One can also turn on the television and watch shows to compare what they would like to see at another couple's wedding. Contests held by early morning talk shows to see who will have the expenses for their wedding paid. Coverage of the wedding dress dash that happens at a bridal shop each year will once again be featured. The list continues on and on. It is sobering. In point of fact, it does not seem all that glorious when the festivities are over. I guess it is the same aftershock when someone finds out that I am a thirty-something, heterosexual, childless, STD free, Black male with a Bachelor's and Master's degree...and I am unmarried. The connection is there.

As I am not the only person in my age range that is in this situation of being a damn good catch and unwed, I know especially from the situation with Lauren (sorry I had to add you in this one) everything is not for everybody, and thus marriage is not for everyone. I was not a person in her estimation that she would like to date, but when it comes to friends (insert cash register sound here) welcome to the Zone! Maybe people like me are career daters, but I digress.

I know what is seen on television, and similarly I know what is seen of me. I am reminded of how great marriage can be, and I can remind someone of how great of a man I can be to a lady. I can see the intricate details of happiness that is exhibited looking over old wedding photos and remembering good times, as well as I can look and delve into memories captured by a picture and laughing about the times that were shared with a potential mate. All in all it does not mean that I was meant for that person nor is marriage meant for everyone. If marriage is for you then you will know it is for you and not doubt it. Grant it that people try marriage and they sometimes fail and they sometimes are sustained.

I can admit that I am not ready for marriage and I am not able at this time to account for another personality, and another attitude in the room. Marriage is not necessarily the finish line. Marriage does not mean your relationship is in bliss or happiness. I know several happily, unhappy married people. Some people get married for convenience of sex and others because it is a tax break. The media has also done a great job of turning marriage into an action and bond that is not very sacred anymore. It is something to do when you "feel" that you are in love and ready to "settle down". It's sad how "media pressure" and "peer pressure" force others to do things that they may not want to do.

I think gardening is a lot like marriage. You search for the right grounds and lay claim to that portion of land. You put in a lot of work to cultivate it and then all you can do then is pray and wait. Make sure that there are no weeds growing in the area in which your garden resides and you wait. You pray for the right type of weather to come and help your crop grow and you wait. You add some plant food to help the crop grow along and you wait. Essentially, if you are not wiling to put in the work...you will not receive a crop to harvest. You get out of it what you put into it. You can't do much more than that I suppose, and yes I can be wrong. I guess in my case we can only...WAIT!!

What say you?
Is marriage truly the "Finish Line"?
If not then what is?

I Love You But, God Love's You More!

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 2...We All Know You Ain't Broke!!

Here is a brief list of things that many Black women like to have done or do on a regular/weekly basis...

Hair
Nails
Brunch with the girls
Ladies Night/Club Night with the girls
The cry on my shoulder/men bashing lunch or dinner
Shop

None of the previously mentioned activities had a thing to do with a bill being paid. To be specific we shall name the bills...

Car
Electricity
Cell Phone
Cable
Internet
Rent/Mortgage
Water
Food
Home Phone
Car Insurance

Furthermore, none of the previously mentioned activities would a black woman say "I have to wait until I get paid"! to participate in. Therefore, most of us men know that if a Black woman says she is broke...that only means she does not want to dip into the reserve funds for the "rainy day", "sexy stilettos" found at the shoe store, or that "Fendi hand bag" that she is sure no one has in their hand bag collection.

I can admit I may be exaggerating, but for the most part it is true. I can remember watching my mother make ends meet on her teacher salary. On Saturday mornings she would have her bills and her check book set for her money managing time. After all was done she would get dressed to go to the post office and mail the bills off that same day. Bills Paid! Checkbook Balanced! Money put in Savings account! Left over money to do whatever she wanted to do with!

I never wondered how she was always able to do things and entertain herself at times, but she did it. As an adult, I remember asking my mother for some financial assistance and she would tell me she didn't have it, only to be told later that day or week that I should pay her back promptly and no excuses. A Black woman is never "broke"!

I am sure we have all heard of the special days in which a person may have an abundance of money...

Income Tax Return Day
Pay Day
Pay Day Loan Day
Settlement Day
Social Assistance Day
Bonus Check Day

and those days are eliminated from the times in which you should ask a Black woman to go half or "dutch" on something. My advice is to make sure she invites you! If she doesn't she won't pay. Just in case you do ask a Black woman, beware of the ramifications of what you may hear from a Black woman such as...

We are not together so you should be trying to wine and dine me..and maybe I can treat you one day! I am an investment and the more you invest the more return you gain in the LONG run.

I have (insert number of children or dependents if applicable). What makes you think I can take you out or go half on something? What kind of man are you?

What ever happened to a Black man or any man for that matter trying to court a woman? I guess chivalry is dead.

I don't get paid until (insert day of the week) and even then I still have bills to pay. Aren't you the baller? You are supposed to hold your woman down!

Now I am sure most men have heard something of the like that explains a Black woman's position on her finances, but truth be told, it is nothing as she says it is. Some Black women may not have the money, but I am pretty sure that she has the money to do whatever she wants to do but is tired of spending it on someone that does not have the same amount of earning power that she might have.

The next time you are trying to date or court a Black woman, notice her activities. Notice and pay attention to her look and clothing. Watch and listen to what her activities are, even to the specifics of what she drinks at the bar. It may surprise you that every time she screams out how she has no money...the activities mentioned at the start of this blog are done all of the time, without fail.

I Love You But, God Love's You More!

The Power of One

I have a lot of ties, DVD's,and CD's. I have hundreds of them. I know a lot of ladies that own plenty of shoes and hand bags. In addition, I have met and friended individuals that have a plethora of collectible items such as Baseball cards, coins, stamps, artwork, and the list goes on. The most amazing thing about this remains a mystery to me and probably others. With all of the non-harmful greed we have for particular items, it is that one person, that one individual, that MOST people search for that will satisfy their yearning for the love of one in return for the rest of their lives.

It is indeed astonishing to fathom that with the things we have in abundance. Surprising and yet wonderful that it takes one person to bring us extra added happiness and companionship in our lives. (Please note...I am not speaking of those people that have multiple wives and multiple husbands, I am speaking in the sense and realm of a normal relationship and not some farce). Remind yourself of the things that you remember the most...

Your first car...
Your first kiss...
The first time you had sex...
The first time you met your boyfriend/girlfriend...
Your first house...
Your first job...
The first thing you bought from your first paycheck, from your first job...
Your first vacation...
The first concert you ever attended...
The first time you experienced something (__________) you fill in the blank.

It is refreshing to know that there are some things in life that are worth being first. It is a memory that no matter how old you get, you will always remember. It has been said for many years that there is a first time for everything. I say that there is an everything a first time is for and we will never forget those people, moments, and experiences!!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Blame it on...I-Pods, I-Pads and I-Phones...The Reason You Are Single!! NO APP FOR THAT!!

Consider what is said to the most eligible professional, single person in the age range of 25-36...

"You are a great guy/girl and any woman/man would be lucky to have you, but I am not your type."

Maybe you have heard this one...

"I don't think I can live up to the things that you may want me to. Just look at you, you have...(fill in the blanks of all that you have that the other doesn't) and I am not on your level. I feel you could do better with someone that is not me and more like you."

For the sake of completeness how about this oldie but goodie...

"Why would you want a man/woman like me? I am nowhere near as accomplished as you are."

The latter excuses or reasons for not wanting to date someone or even taking a relationship further may have been heard by you (I know I have heard it) and may have you wondering did you just open a can of Jerry Springer show buttering up, just to get let down script, from someone that you think is relationship material. Yes it is crazy but true...you have made decisions for your life to improve it, and because you have made decisions concerning your education, financial stability, transportation, clothing and shoe selection, enunciation and pronunciation of the English language, someone does not want to continue to get to know or date you.

It has happened and continues to happen to me. I was taught at an early age to be an educated an responsible man. It was instilled in my being to have a goal that I should reach and maintain a style of living that can and is respectable. I am sure many individuals for the most part have been told that hard work and sound decision making will pay off. I am quite convinced that a healthy regimen of creating goals and working towards them will create a portfolio of success that you can be proud of...even if others aren't.

Living in the Washington D.C. metropolitan area for the past seven years have taught me that in a dating capacity, all of the aforementioned will not help you get anywhere with those who you may have a romantic interest in. It has been noted that as a male living in this locale that there is a greater number of single ladies to my disposal and that I should be having a great time meeting the multitudes of women that are "single and ready to mingle'. That is to the contrary. I have said it before and I will continue to exclaim...There is quantity. but not much quality! It is similar to the saying that everything that is good, may not be good for you. Or we can even go as far as mentioning that too much of a good thing may be bad for you. Sufficed to say, I think I have become a career dater. The faces are different, the lines are the same, and the result doesn't change!

I am still trying to wrap my mind around the concept. It is like a game of tennis, table tennis, ping pong, point and counter point, dating Tick Tack Toe...you can always respond with proper reasoning to their statement of denial for continuing something viable with you and then, you respond with a great counter move all to end up deadlocked and for the most part, you are the one that ends the relationship, giving that person what they want...because you are tired or feel guilty.

So let's play a sample game of Dating Tick Tack Toe...

"X"

- You have a Bachelor's and Master's Degree. I am not as educated as you.

"O"

- Just because I went to school does not mean that I am smarter than you. We can enhance each other's life with the experiences we have learned.

"X"

- You drive a nice/nicer car and have nice/nicer things. I am struggling just to make ends meet.

"O"

- It is not about money or possessions. Everybody struggles to get what and where they want and even still, you have to struggle to maintain it.

"X"

- I have a child/children, you have more freedom than I do and well I am sure you don't want to be tied down with having to deal with my schedule of finding a baby sitter and all of that.

"O"

- You told me you had a child/children when we first met. I haven't gone anywhere so why are you bringing that up now?

"X"

- I have a lot of issues and baggage that I am still getting through. Look at you, it seems that you don't have any. Why would you want to mess with me?

"O"

- Everyone has baggage! What do you think I have arms for? Everywhere I have traveled, by air, land, or sea I have seen people with baggage. Some people have more or less, but we all have baggage. I don't hold that against you.

"X"

- Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with a man/woman like me?

This is the point in which the game is "cat"! No more moves to make because no one wins!!




You really have tried to be diplomatic about it and just try to change the subject, or harvest the crop from the seeds that have been planted in your mind that this person is not what you thought or hoped that they were. It is really sad...the disposition from it all that once again you have wasted your time on someone that has made you feel guilty and out of sorts for being a productive, tax paying, non-convict, educated, working, citizen in society.

What say you?

1. Why has the aforementioned scenario become a common practice for those within the dating age range of 25-36 (especially in major metropolitan areas with young professionals)?

2. Has the "I" generation of I-Pods, I-Pads, I-Phones, created a situation that people are scared to deal with reality of life and yet frolic and thrive in a virtual world?

3. Would it be better if I did not make choices to better my life and become someone I don't want to be for the sake of being in a productive relationship? If so, is that healthy in the long run?

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

I'm So Glad I Didn't Have Sex With Her!!

I consider myself to be a pretty intuitive person. There are signals that might be minute, but tell you in a subtle way not to do particular things. For example, you can sense when a brawl is about to erupt in a night club, you gather your shit and leave. You know for some reason not to take off abruptly when that light changes to green, some fool might try to run the opposing light. In addition, you can sense when something is not right about the neighborhood you are traveling through, so you tread lightly and get the hell out of Dodge. When it came down to getting some action on New Year's Eve/Morning 2012, I can say that I am glad that I did not have sex with that woman!

For simplicity's sake I will name this woman "Koko". I have been talking to Koko for a few months now and well, we have had our up's and down's and trying times. She is a very attractive, smart, woman and she seems to be what I like. Unfortunately she has made my nerves of steel become nerves of the most brittle brand and I try to avoid her phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, and it is not going as well as I thought. We spent time together to begin 2012 and yes there was a moment when we got back to the hotel that intimacy was taking place.

At that moment, I decided to listen to that voice in my brain, that feeling in my bones that said...do not take it any further than the shower we took together, the kissing, and the touching. I made up a lie saying I didn't have any condoms on me. Plus, I didn't want to spoil to mood to go out and buy some protection and then begin to recreate something I should have been prepared for. The truth of the issue is that I had condoms in my toiletry bag and I am ready at all times. I just felt that if I did sleep with her that night that I would see just how "thirsty" the woman can get in the aftermath. I am so glad and elated that I listened to my instincts.

For the past few days she has gotten on my nerves. She has questioned and interrogated everything about that night and why we did not have sex. Didn't she hear me when I lied and said I had no condoms!! LOL! She claims that I have had others in my past hurt me and that all she wants to do is prove that she can love me. (Great job of proving after 2.5 months!) She has said that I am emotionally unavailable and that is why I don't call her everyday! (Maybe it is because I am busy and want a chance to miss you!) We live in two different locales that are hours apart and I should be more attentive to her need for me to talk to her several times a day. (Is that light stalking of a Twitter nature?) She questions if my interest is really with her or with someone else.(I do have many interests, I thought this was clear in the dating realm of dating!) She speaks about her money woes, children woes, woe's woes, woe is her, woes is her kids, woe is her house, woe is her mother, woe horsey, woe partner, just woe! Not the Black Rob song "Whoa!", her song is "WOE"!

I can admit that I did take a step back, and that I am not as in to her as I was. I am willing to give it a chance if she would just chill for a minute. I did ask her and that went over her head like "Whoa"! We all know I can converse about many subjects, I just do not like speaking about relationships and feelings ALL of the time. I am a person who likes to laugh and for the most part she does not get or understand my humor.

I don't want to act like I am playing her, nor not give her a chance, I just wonder how things would have been if I did have sex with her. I might be writing this blog with broken limbs, stab wounds, or asking for help with a restraining order. I guess I would be like "Whoa!" (and not like "Woe!"), why In the hell did I sleep with Koko?

I Love You But God Love's You More!

Amnesia

Paralyzed by the Sun
Stricken by the rain
Just as I think things are done
They begin again
Lyrics don't have their rhyme
Leaves have lost their shine
Forced to watch, wait, and see
Do you remember me?

A Moon melted by snow
Darkness appears so clean
What is it that I don't know?
Your love has made me a fiend
Searching for a something to say
Looking for a reason to know
Do you remember me?

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

2011: Year In Review!

I will not write too much but I can say that it has been an excellent year overall. I have been able to experience things I have never experienced previously and also learn a lot about who I am and what I allow myself to accept and vice versa.

For all of you that are reading this blog I hope that 2011 has brought you much more joy than pain, much more clarity than confusion, and much more love than dislike and hate. 2012 will be what you make it, although our steps are in divine order! Be safe and enjoy the rest of 2011 and the beginning of 2012!

I Love You But, God Love's You More!

The Things A Black Woman Won't Do!! Volume 1

I was in Ocho Rios yesterday and decided to take a tour of the Dunn's River Falls and also snorkel. Being that I can not swim I must say it was an amazing experience! If it was not for Melissa(a cute life guard), I would probably still be floating in the Caribbean Sea starting from Ocho Rios to Montego Bay, in the stomach of a shark (insert Snickers Peanut Butter Squares commercial here...Clint was delicious) or would have assumed room temperature. I digress.

There were two guys from D.C. that I met as we were taking the tour bus there and oddly enough, we were the only Black males on the bus (minus the driver). In addition, minus the people working on the tour cruise ship, we were the only Blacks on the ship. I should be more specific and once again state we were the only Black Americans on the ship. Lamarr and I were chatting about the lack of Black American ladies on the ship and how odd it was. So I got to thinking.

Come along and think with me... a.) We(3 Black American men) were on this ship snorkeling, about to climb up a waterfall, and partying with plenty of Rum Punch flowing; on a sail boat that was swaying up and down like a lunatic woman with menopause and no Black American women were on any three of the Cool Runnings tour boats.
b.) Forget it being the Christmas holiday, what does this mean?
c.) I must reiterate that 3, single, heterosexual, Black American men were in Jamaica, on vacation.
d.) a.), b.), and c.)...should say enough right there.
e.) So I am now going to add the sauce... Out of the law of averages and numbers...NO BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN were on the boat.


This has led to the blog that you are reading now. Why is it that Black American women won't do these things as what were being offered on the tour?

Let's begin...

1. Snorkel

Is it that the hair must not get wet? The imagination goes toward a previous situation I was in... *I'm trying to take a shower with my lady as foreplay but she won't because her hair must not get wet, so the man's idea of freakiness has gone down the tubes because of hair!* I can not swim at all. I went out there and tried it and had fun. Most of the Black ladies I know would not have done it because of hair, or because they would be too scared, or just add whatever excuse you want to it. Where is the adventure and the fun? It is not that bad of a risk as long as someone is there to help you and to also make sure that you DON'T DIE!!!

2. Climb the Dunn's River Falls

I will admit, I did not participate in the "wet walk" to climb the falls. I had bought all of the materials to do it but I decided to take the "dry walk"! I wanted to catch the scenery with my camera and since it is not waterproof I did not experience the "wet walk"! Despite my decision, it was still spectacular and fun. Again I searched, and did not see and Black American women climbing and I know damn well that Black American women would cringe, run, and cuss me out to even suggest it. To climb the waterfall, you have to join hands as a group and help each other up, around, down, thru, across, every which direction. For the most part, you are not in total control. Swimming is not a requirement, but you will get wet, drenched, and super-soaked! Is it the hair issue again or is it the not having total control of where you go? It is still the same scenario...there are people there to help you and will not allow you to fall (no pun intended) to your demise.

I am going to stop right here because I am going to continue this list on other occasions and other blogs, I was just blown away at what I did not see there. What say you?


1. Why are Black women so worried about hair, when there are plenty of great and exciting things to experience that will require hair to get frazzled or undone?

AND AS AN EXTRA BONUS...

2. Is a reason why a lot of Black women do not like White women dating Black men because White women are adventurous and willing to take risks?


What say you?


PLEASE NOTE...I am not generalizing, but it seems to be very common! I will not say ALL Black American women, I will say that most of the ones I have encountered will not do the aforementioned!


I Love You But, God Love's You More!

A Princess And Her Pride!

She admits that she is tired
So tired of looking for love
Should a princess have it this bad?
Yearning...
Wanting to lay claim to a man who can
Genuinely love her

It's true that every princess has cried
Over the simple things
Those minute things they don't posses
In an already plentiful life
It's funny that a man can make her world change
Living life would be right

When will someone one ask...
Why did he mistreat her?
Why did he tell her the lies?
Why did he not speak his mind?
Why did he play the games?
With his actions and words of deception
It has tainted her view.

She would rather accept the new
As just a copy of the old
In her eyes every man is the same
No alterations to his script
The show ends with her having experiencing the same pain
And nursing a broken heart

But soon she will realize
She's got to let it go
Don't let him get you down
Let everybody know
She'll put on her crown


I Love You But, God Love's You More!

Hand Sanitizer Addiction Part 2 - Germs On A Plane!!

I do a lot of traveling. Most of it is by way of an airplane. Recently (as in yesterday) I was traveling to Jamaica and lo and behold on the plane there were some hackers by that I mean cough-ers and to accompany that action there were
sneeze-ers. In addition to those two sounds I heard the dreaded sniffing and nasal sounds that make me cringe. Being that I am a germ-o-phobe as discussed in the first edition of this blog, I have decided to write again about my experience and
introduce one and all to

"Germs On A Plane"!

I was in total fear once again of getting sick. The air on an airplane for the most part, and in my opinion, stagnant. When someone coughed or sneezed around me I held my breath and made sure that the vent to allow a sort of circulation was within reach. I must stress again how I am just annoyed with it all. Improperly coughing into the hand, and not the sleeve. The nerve of some people not even covering their mouth when they coughed.

One woman I was walking toward coughed without even covering her mouth as I was entering the gate. I quickly just turned around and went back into the waiting
area, acting as if I had forgotten one of my belongings. Truth be told, I just wanted to get away from her, and her nasty self. I am sure she was probably wondering why I did such an abrupt about face, but who cares, she can keep her thoughts and her germs on and to herself.

I don't know if this is an over compulsive, over analyzed, over(__________ ...you fill in the blank)disposition in my part but it is just something I can not deal with., I once again implore you to never to take the Molecular Biology course I
took, it is frightening and I suppose I am once again a victim of it's grasp, it's images, and it's experiments.

What say you??

Have any of you done the same as I as far as attempting to protect yourself from germs that are potentially circulated on an airplane?

What do you do when you hear the coughing, sneezing, and sniffling when you are traveling via the air?

Do you have any tips to share that can help prevent someone from getting ill if ever in that situation?

HELP!! LOL

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

Spontaneous Reactions - December 2011 Edition

I am really trying to see where my love life is right now. Don't get me wrong I am enjoying the ability to be single, sexy, and free and that is going to get really tiresome at some point, I just don't know when.

I am sitting in Jamaica as I write this and I am totally relaxed, so the thoughts coming from my head are not from any type of stress or any situation, they are coming from a state of mind in which I am totally relaxed and worry free. As I should be, and that is how a relationship should be...totally relaxed and stress free.

As I get older I know that my prospects of landing a lady with no children is going to be very difficult. I have met two ladies that are very attractive in the past few weeks and yes they have children. So I will give them names so we can keep track of this. "Lady T" has one child that is in high school and eventually to college very soon. I can deal with that. The other young lady has two children and she will be named "Red". She has two daughters, and yet she does fit the bill (both do to be complete) I am still not happy with the child thing. I am continuously baffled and wonder if this "childless woman syndrome" that I have is going to have to come down to me using the big word of..."SETTLING"!

We all know that is the number one cause (at least in my opinion) of the relationship ambulance coming and declaring a relationship DEAD ON SETTLEMENT (DOS). I have done it before, because it was someone to do. Yeah I have to admit it. I sometimes call or go out with ladies because it is someone to do. I am feeling Ladt T, I just don't know how to get over her having a son. I am not saying that I want to be a father to him, but I am saying that I do not want to accept the responsibility of the POSSIBILITY of being a person responsible to him. I feel that is a big step and I am not ready for that.

I am sure most of you are saying... "Is this guy selfish?" or "Why is he worried about a child that is not his?" I will answer, because I can not be naive of the responsibility to me. This is not a game and I come from a single parent household. I am not sure I am ready to take in account the attitude and dispositions of my mate, and add a child or maybe 2 children into the mix...that is asking a lot.

So there is the Crawley issue and well I don't want to touch too much on it. I have fun with Crawley, we like a lot of the same things and yet well, I don't know. Maybe we can get together and maybe we can't. We are just friends and that is how we can swing it at this time.

I will use Dizzy's nickname for Tonya which is "Sunshine", I am about to lay it on the line...as I usually do and just anticipate rejection. I am really into the thought of her and I really being that power couple, but that remains to be determined. There is a sailboat waiting for me to go out into the Montego Bay and I will have to end this excursion of Spontaneous Reactions December 2011 edition! I'll Holla!!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!

If there Wasn't A Christmas...

The distinction between rich and poor, the have and have nots would be unknown.

Children would not get their annual "feel sorry for me" festival or "I just received my toy like I do every year because I am not as fortunate as others" emotion.

No one would have to hear the sprinkled Christmas carols that are played along with the Top 40 on the radio.

Department stores would have reasonable prices for everyone to purchase goods for their loved one's since it is the "season for giving".

The airlines would not make so much of a profit since everyone wants to travel abroad to visit family all around the world.

I wonder how things would be if there wasn't a Christmas?

We wouldn't get the random text message from someone we do not know or have not spoken to in a long time.

The carbon footprint would be much less since trees would not be chopped down only to be thrown away in the trash.

Depression and anxiety would be down since others would not feel jealous about their family status.

People would net get into relationships that were false and under the preface of receiving s gift from someone they pretend they care about and/or love.

Credit Card companies would not try to give you rewards for spending money that many people have a hard time paying back or do not have at all.

Crime would not be a factor because people would not try to splurge on large ticket items.

I wonder how things would be if there wasn't a Christmas?

Christmas albums from random artists that no one has ever heard of and /or artists that have tons of original music, would not try to sell the same songs, with the same lyrics, with the same melody, with the same chord progression, just sung a different way to people.

Someone would get a bright idea that the kids do have a great memory and they remember that Santa last year does not look like the Santa from this year.

Someone would get the idea that the traditional Christmas colors are quite awful and someone should change them.

Whoever cooked Thanksgiving dinner can actually just cook the exact same thing for Christmas.

I wonder how things would be if there wasn't a Christmas?

There wouldn't have been a pretty cool dude named Jesus born! That's a reason to celebrate in itself!

I Love You But, God Loves You More!!

Click

Digital Girl
What happens when I hit send?
What really went on when I heard that click to tickle you with silent gratification?
Touching your icon...sensations?
I think I might have missed your target
Did I initiate travel to your virtual world?
An adventure that I thought I could never transform into shame
Yet I explore your silent glare through books of faces
Joined at the hip with dead cells
That you tend to ignore
Make the interactions live and it's better

I played by your rules of planning and understanding
I didn't want to be a riddle intertwined in a riddle
I accepted my role and stepped back
Never tried to press the envelope in your digital mail
Electronic notes simply made to confirm your truthful uttering
Before you hit the send tab
Are you sure you want to send this message?
Are you sure you want to send this message with

I'll sit and watch the channels change
I'll just sit
Listen to the channels change
We just don't click