The Things A Black Woman Won't Do! Volume 5...Be Seen in Public Without the Hair Done!!

Locks, long, short, micro-braids, box braids, finger waves, Jheri curl, perm, corn rows, bob, shag, afro, French roll, etc. It is not a secret that Black women love to get their hair done. Whether they relax the hair, straighten the hair, get the hair washed, blown dry, weaved, extended, cut, flat ironed, shaved, etc. the hair is getting done. You can believe that…boo-boo!!


With that said, maybe you have said or heard some if not all of the following quotes:



"Girl where did you get your hair done? It looks fierce!"



(Don't expect an answer to this question. The more clients the stylist gets the less likely the woman being asked will be able to get an appointment.)



Or



"I just paid $75.00 to get my hair done and it has to last until Saturday, so we are not doing anything tonight! So don't even try it!"



(Don't expect to get you some lovin' fellas. She told you that the hair got done, the day in which the hair style must look fresh, and that you will not get any sexual activity and/or favors until after that day!)



Or



"Those Dominican's sure do know how to do my hair right! Plus they are so cheap!"



(This is a controversial statement because many of the Black ladies that I know that frequent Dominican hair salons have their own hair (meaning it is long and grew from their scalp), or their hair is very difficult to straighten in the traditional Black hair salon, or their hair is extremely thick and the Dominican stylists have some magic potion (not Rio.. .some of you remember that "perm") to straighten their hair.



Or



"Well, I am about to get off the phone because I am going to wash my hair so I will call you later!"



(Men know that when the latter is said by a Black woman that you will get a return call the next day. The washing of hair for Black women is a process in which extreme concentration is paramount and any distraction will not be tolerated!



Or



"Hey I am going to have to call you back because I am sitting under the dryer at the salon!"



I never understood this one. Why answer the damn phone knowing you are under the hair dryer and can hardly hear me?



Or



“Do you have a hat, shower cap, book, newspaper, or something? Because if my hair gets wet in this rain it will puff up like a blow fish and I am not having that!”



The note you should keep in mind when in this situation is that, you must have some type of item whether in your car or at home that will protect the woman’s hair if water is around. Don’t find yourself without it! The Black woman’s attitude will change to one of worry. Don’t be surprised if they are looking at their hair in the mirror, phone reflection from camera or screen, sunglasses, or some instrument that they can make sure their hair has not puffed up like a troll on their head.



Or



"Hey, baby we should stay in and watch some movies tonight because I can’t go anywhere with my hair looking like this. I do not like being seen without my hair done. My hair is a mess right now. My stylist is out of town on vacation and (he or she) is the only one that I will let touch my hair. Shit, I would let Yolanda do it, but she...I don't even know! So are you coming over?"



I don't even think I need to explain the aforementioned!





If any of the previous has been heard whether you said it or someone else, then you know what is soon to follow afterwards...Do Rag, Hair Scarf, Rollers, Clips, Hair Barbie pins, you fill in the blank. It will even go as far as a Black woman dawning a wig to ensure that her own hair (that includes the sewn in weave) is unblemished.



I debated it and I am going to mention some experiences with a few ladies in my past and their hair. Have I given them any nicknames to protect them from any embarrassment? NOPE!!



Candi


2001


Cornrows = PAIN



Candi had these nice, shiny scalp corn rows (thanks Eve from the Ruff Ryders for making these popular) on her head. She complained that she had a headache because of how tight the braids were. The next complaint was the amount of hair pomade that was staining her pillows and now a towel had to be placed on the pillow for her to sleep. She did not dare take that head scarf off of her head! I was also surprised she did not get a concussion from beating the hell out of her head because the damn corn rows were itching and the Barbie pins were stuck so far in her head it broke the skin of her scalp! That was epic!



Rolanda


2002


Long and Silky Wig to Kinky, Dry, and Nappy Natural = AWFUL!



Natalie might remember as well as I do a training that was conducted for a job at a residential treatment center in the 757 portion of Virginia. I remember vividly a young lady that worked for Human Resources leading the charge in the training sessions for our job assignments. She was a light skinned, thick, pretty chick and I did flirt with her a little. On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday her hair was middle of the shoulder length and very straight or what women would say permed or relaxed. Thursday and Friday I thought we had a different Black woman training us because the long and silky hair was gone. The hair the entire class saw those two days was blown out, thin, ashy, dry, and she looked like a damn troll. I couldn't believe that she would let the wig or whatever hair she had on the days prior go, and then come out of the door looking like her hair was some old ass carpet. One thing is for sure, I know she had a scarf on her head when she slept at night! Oh the traumatic sight I still remember!!!





Simanco


2010


Long and Silky to Natural Jheri Curl = AMAZING!



She would get her hair done every week with some lady named Susie. Guess where Susie was styling her client’s hair? That’s right at the Dominican hair salon. The funny thing about Simanco’s hair was that when it was not straight it was as curly as a Jheri curl. If her hair was wet, that is exactly what it resembled. Straight up 1980’s style all the way! It reminded me of one those girls that sang with the musical group called The Jets. If you put Simanco in the video or on the stage with them she would fit right in. There is a weakness with her hair and that weakness is moisture. I tell you, when the awful molecules of liquid in their gas or liquid form hit her hair, all bets are off. Her hair will tighten up, from its straightened stance. I have seen it in person. It is like Dr. Banner changing into the Incredible Hulk! It was always amazing to me how different the hair would be from the simple straight, silky, and long to the curly, tight, vice grip like curls that her hair would transform into. Wow!





Tomiko


2011


Various natural hair styles


Main Style: The Afro = SIMPLY SEXY!



I am sucker for it. When she and I first met, the afro was my weakness. I don’t know what it is about a big, natural, freshly picked afro, but I love it. I kind of miss seeing it on Tomiko because she did a great job with her ‘fro! It was not the traditional tightly packed afro, it was a more of a free and loose afro, and it was simply gorgeous. Most people know I am a sucker for an afro, and I am looking forward to a specific person who will remain nameless to get her afro style on and poppin’! I digress. Tomiko had various hair styles going on for her when we would hang out. She did the flat iron natural long hair. She would place her hair in a pony tail at times. The main style she would rock (at least for the most part) was the afro. She knew I was a sucker for it and had no reservations in making sure it was something that would make me sweat.



It can be seen in various style and fashion couture magazines, on the street, on the subway, the bus, the mall, wherever you go. Black woman have an affinity to their hair to the point that it is a major factor in making life decisions. Some Black women will cut their hair to a short or shorter style after a hard and tumultuous relationship break-up. In addition, they will cut their hair because the hair is too hot upon their neck in the summer. Other Black women will add hair extensions or hair weave to speed up the process of their shortened hair to grow faster. Some Black women will switch their hair-do with the aid of a wig to help them feel more glamorous or to hide some imperfection that they do not want seen. Whatever the reason might be, I feel that Black women are beautiful when they keep it simple.



I would suggest to the sistahs that they find their signature style. It may take a long duration of time, trying out many styles, cutting and growing your hair, wearing long and shot haired wigs, enduring bad perms and split ends, the list can go on. Just find your style that you are the most comfortable with AND looks good on YOU! I would hate to have a portal of photos on my person just so I can figure out who you are because of the plethora of hair styles that can be produced in just a month, hell even a year that I could not recognize you! If you would not like to be characterized by your hair, then please for the sake of all that is good on earth, do not use your hair as a limitation to what you can and can’t do in your life.



I Love You, But Got Loves You More!