UNTITLED

How do you react when the man who is responsible for the death of the most important person in your life stands before you?
The man who is responsible for the pain that seems like it will never end.
The image in your mind that doesn’t seem to fade away of your own flesh and blood, the person who brought you into the world, now has a crimsoned stained white sheet covering a nude body that has assumed room temperature.
The emotions felt and seen by all that are in disbelief that something that was so routine, that statistically is unfathomable, went entirely wrong.
What do you do?
How do you react when the man that has stolen the beat from your heart and the warmth from your breath stands in front of you?
It was him that caused you to…
Call all of her friends and the rest of the family repeating…
She’s gone…She’s gone
To have to say the word that you never wanted to say to her electric, mortgage, and telephone companies
The word that chokes up in your throat and makes you skip a breath
Deceased
Constructing obituary paragraphs, funeral arrangements that you never thought you would have to do this early, and trying to find the perfect picture that encompasses the spirit of your mother so that everyone knows how much she meant to you and how she helped to make the world a more pleasant place.
What do you say to the man that has signed his name on the death certificate underneath the blank entitled cause of death?
He is the individual that has led you to embark upon staring at pictures of those happy moments in child and adulthood.
Forced to save the last voice mail message she ever sent to you.
Imagining and wondering if you can still recognize her voice if she were to call out your name from her heavenly home.
What do you say to the person that has now allowed you only to dream dreams when your body and mind are finally able to sleep?
Understanding that a nightmare is also dream as you slumber in a bed littered with surgical documentation and various depositions as to what the hell went wrong!
The man that’s standing in plain view, not event a foot away from you, is the cause of your therapy sessions, your thoughts of ending it all.
Nights to mornings to days to afternoons of trying not to cry and trying not to be angry, and sometimes wanting to lash out at everything in the world…
Just for an opportunity to touch her hand or to hold her and let her know how proud you are of her as your mother and how much of a great mother she was.
Your thoughts will always dwell on what you were taught and that her legacy will never be tarnished or shamed!
To apologize for past and future mistakes and to get her blessing for the feats you will accomplish that she won’t ever see in person.
This man who now sits in front of you, and smiles in your face as you look him in his eyes, is the reason why you truly feel alone in the world.
But you remember what you were told
What you read
That God will never leave you nor forsake you.
So then you desperately ask God…
Didn’t you know when, where, and how your Son would die?
If I would have known what you knew God…
Maybe I could have prepared?
Maybe I could have made all of the arrangements both mentally and physically?
Or maybe I would still feel alone!
How do you hold back all sense, right, and rage when the man that treated your mother like she was a mass of nothingness can actually look you in the eye?
The man that she trusted with her life…
The thoughts and questions that run amok in your head
Where is your shame sir?
Sir, where is your regret?
Where the hell is your remorse?
Did I bury all of that with my mother as well?
How do you react?
What do you do?
I gave that man the gift that I never thought I would ever give another human being whose mistake and gross misjudgment will affect me for the rest of my life.
I stuck out my hand, smiled, and I said…
I forgive you!


I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Matinée

We can sit in the dark
In the back
Of a matinée
Create our own plot structure
In the freaky type way
I can’t deny
It has been my fantasy for years
I’ve searched for the lady that has no fears
Of displaying this bad guy, good girl twist of fate
By only paying a twenty-two dollar and fifty cent gate
We can scream when they scream in the scene on the screen
I’ll play your Denzel, Boris, Morris, and Shemar
You can be my Sanaa’, Nia, Angelina, and Jada
Sitting in the dark
In the back
Of a matinée
We’re playing while the movie plays
Getting frisky in the theater night light
Fulfilling wishes, as we perform our own Oscar winning roles
That the Academy has never seen
Such sweet speech and rhyme
Within this picture show of love, in two hours time
Imma make sure you get yours
‘Cause you know imma get mine
At the matinée
In the dark
In the back
Where we sat

Coochie Control

Since the year 2011 began, there have been resolutions stated to ensure that the weight is lost and the body looks right for the Spring and Summer months. It is the same routine that many ladies (and men) fall into. The start of the New Year dawns fitness clubs and weight loss contests at work. Weight Watchers commercials and work out video sales increase. Doctor's that specialize in weight loss surgeries are in a boom and health food stores are raving over the profits that they make during this season. Plastic surgeons and body sculptors know that it is prime season to make a buck! I am truly proud of those that have stuck with and achieved their weight loss goals and healthy lifestyle changes. You are to be praised.

With the changes that have come to your body and improvements you have made, come the spoils that many women receive from us men. We men are (supposed to be) more visually inclined ladies and when we get a hold of the transformation of tight abs, plump, and firm booty... shapely thighs and slender facial tones and neck lines, we turn into sexual animals looking for that nourishment we call coochie. Ladies know this because the opposite happens when a man makes the same comparative improvements to our body...but I shall only focus on the latter. (Ladies, if you want to respond about us men, then by all means leave a comment!) Ladies understand that their sexual control over a man will increase because of these wonderful changes...I WILL BE THE FIRST TO SAY...NOPE!!

Many men may get upset over me writing this but, I will take that risk. Someone needs to say it and that person will be me...at least I'd like to think I am not the first to put this information out there, but digress! Ladies, your coochie control over a man will not change because of your "new" body. You see, real men do not try or attempt to get you in bed on the first night after a date or after the third month of dating you. We do not change up our attitudes and habits when we have gotten to know you as many other males may do. We do not want your coochie that bad to pressure you for it...that is not how REAL MEN will treat you.

However, we will marvel and talk with our boys about how banging' your body is. We will discuss with our male friends how good you look. We will discuss with our boys the before and after photos you like to show us or even place on social networking websites. (I am not trying to call anyone out that does that! Keep doing it to inspire others.) We men just understand that the more we get to know about you, the more time we spend with you, the more we talk and understand you, the more we connect, and no matter how long it takes...the more trust that is built, the OPTION...of having sex with you will always increase.

REAL men are not concerned with the fluff, and we do not need to use lines to get the coochie. We don't run game and have a plan in place to get the coochie; we just know that it is more advantageous to have the option of getting sex than the guarantee of getting it. The option is more important because it turns into the guarantee. So when many ladies inform their lady friends that the man has not pressured them into sex, please believe that your coochie is not in control of a damn thing. Your body improvements have done nothing to enhance your coochie powers.

There are those "boys" that will feed your head and ego with a bunch of bullshit! They wine and dine you and try to impress you and show you off because of your physical improvements. Example...The family Summer time BBQ! You can bet that you will be complimented every other minute and many ladies eat it up and can't get enough of it because their new body is causing the attention that some of them have been seeking to become a reality. These "boys" will fill your mind with words and thoughts that you have been wanting to hear! Example...the shopping trips that they accompany you to the mall and seem to be so patient with you trying on the new clothes for your new wardrobe for your new body! Even as dumb as these boys are they are able to get over on many ladies because then sense and feed off of the insecurities that are still within your now new and improved tight and fit body! You fall victim to this silly game and eventually, many women end up losing their coochie control and sleep with them. Then the astonishment that follows when it is revealed this boy is not looking for anything that is sustainable, because with all of the coochie control you thought you had, you were used, and yes you were used the same way that you would have been used if you had not made those physical and health lifestyle changes. Unfortunately, the thoughts of appreciation for who and what you are and not your body are not there with that boy that you slept with, so maybe the body improvements are not all that must be made!

If you sleep with a ramped dog that has not been to the vet...If you allow a dog to frolic in your bed that has not been groomed...If you take pleasure in not knowing where that dog winds up when you are not in it's presence...please believe that the fleas and other critters that are in your bed are of your own fault! It is not your coochie control and body changes that should only be made...strengthen your mind! Take pride in the fact that while you are on the workout bike that you have strengthen your mind to recognize who you are and what you will and will not take from a man. When you are in your Zumba class, gain more self esteem not in your sculptured thighs, but in the fitness of your sense of being and sense of understanding who you are. When in kick-boxing sessions, know that a MAN will accept you at any weight and with any look and that your mind makes you beautiful and fit. As you take that run outside in the elements or on that treadmill, know without a shadow of a doubt that you are losing weight and gaining in your physical abilities, not to gain more coochie control over a man, but for YOUR own life and for YOU only. I was a very large man many years ago and I learned that before any pounds dropped off of my body, that I had to know my worth and it starts in the mind. I wish good luck to those ladies and gentlemen who continue their quest for their health goals. Ladies, remember that coochie control does not begin with a membership to a health club; it starts with being a lifetime member to you!


I Love You But, God Love's You More!

Avatar

I don’t know how you expect me to live in your animated world
I am not one who muses in playing games with emotions
From the start I thought I knew you, or I should say
I was getting to know the production you assembled for me to believe
I can’t seem to determine what is genuine and what is virtual
What is actual and what is fiction…
What my common sense knows through commencing all of my life experiences
From what you illustrate as the all knowing certainty
Consider me at a loss when you give
And more confused when you clarify
Someone said believe half of what you see and none of what you hear
But you flip it in your world
If I were to probe into your depiction
What would it show?


Would Thor save the world with his trusty screwdriver?
Atlas would probably take 30 minute breaks trying to hold the weight of the world.
The Sesame Street crew would adopt a highway!
Clark Kent would ditch the glasses and opt for lasik eye surgery.
Martha Wash would have really been seen in the C and C Music Factory videos.
Milli Vanilli would have sported afros and made a living performing spoken word.
Crack simply would be Pop Rocks with a kick.
Superman would take mental health days and consult Dr. Phil.
Wonder Woman would retire and become a retail therapist so she could wear more than one damn outfit.
Cookie Monster would only eat sugar and gluten free cookies!
And all of us would have gotten our college degrees from Hillman!!!

I can gladly walk away with no equivocation
But your syndrome has spread from one person to another in this life
All expecting to live up to what you have presented on the screen
And try to portray in your reality
Maybe the only way for you to be true is to
Change your fake photo
Or forget your password
Try to Google a clue
Change your e-mail address
Shut down the MySpace page
Update your Facebook status (from all 5 pages)
I’d suggest starting all over again
Be reborn
It starts with…
Control
Alt
Delete


I Love You, But God Love's You More!

BALLS!!

What is the fantasy that has become the reality? I am speaking of the love of balls! I wonder why people in the U.S. love balls so damn much? Balls have become the pillar American society and it seems that it will remain so from my vantage point. The fascination is alarming. Here are some examples:


• Tennis balls, along with the men and women who hit them back and forth….back and forth…back and forth…over and over…on and on…and on…over the net. Got to love the ladies screaming though!!
• Basketballs, and the stars that shoot the ball into the basket. Got to love the Lakers!!
• Footballs, and how they are caught or held, thrown and kicked, fumbled and recovered. Got to love the 49ers!
• Soccer balls, and those balls being the most watched ball in the world.
• Baseballs, and the ability to throw or pitch it, hit to obtain a base or 2 and even a chance to score the ultimate...a home run! Why Barry Bonds why?
• Ping pong balls, and how in the world folks can compete viciously over a little, tiny, minuscule ball. Have you seen the Olympics, the competition is incredible!
• Golf balls, and the fun to be able to have multiple chances to hit the damn ball into a cup 18 TIMES!!… forget Tiger Woods…I am Cougar Jones!!
• Billiard balls and how these balls can be aimed toward and are shot into pockets on an expensive ass table!
• Bowling balls and the skill it takes to knock down pins.
• Volleyballs and the effort it takes to make someone miss it. Serve me a drink not a ball!!
• Porno stars that use balls …well you get what I mean.

The list could go on and on.

But, it is obvious that those individuals who could tell you the velocity, speed, direction, force using Newton’s laws, gravity, torque, momentum, work, chemical composition, acceleration, kinetic energy, potential energy, trajectory, atoms, molecules, particles, inelastic collisions, elastic collisions, and even about the people that play with the balls, etc. are overlooked!

No wonder the country is so damn fucked right now in the realm of education, even without the old fool President Bush (the shoe dodger)! When will the realization occur that if you don’t learn about the balls first, why play with them? Hell even hoes, giggahoes, and whores know that!! Canada is looking real nice to me right now. They don’t use balls as often as we Americans do, they have pucks!


I Love You, But God Love's You More!

Sexual Illusions

In the midst of sensuous, rug burn, freaky, circus sex
My name suddenly changed from Clint to Shawn at sex time check: 2:34AM!
Dick went limp in an instant! No safe word needed!
The fuck face I had turned into the famous puppy dog glare of…WHAT THE FUCK?
So then my questions…

Who the hell is Shawn?
Did you introduce me to Shawn the same way you just introduced him to me?
Who were you fucking first, him or me?
Since you said to me you weren’t that type of chick (‘cause you do have some skills), did you suck him too?
Did your hussie heifer ass use a damn condom with him?
How the hell are you gonna think of him, when I am putting in all this work for you?
How long has this muthafucka been enjoying the shit I have taught you?

*insert male ego here* --------

All I know is that there has been another man fucking you and you had the nerve to call out his name instead of mine!

Sex time check: 3:07AM
After all of my interrogation she says to me that I have it all wrong!
I asked the question most men would ask I this situation…
What the hell does Shawn have that you love so damn much?
She simply replied…
Ovaries
Monthly bloating
Cramps
Wide hips
Plump ass
Menstrual cycle
Uterus
Eggs…………………………

Hot Sauce

Sho’nuff ugly, your love is sho’nuff ugly
Funkier than an old pot of collard greens
Nastier than some five day old bacon grease
Love so ugly enough for you and me
Hot sauce won’t even make is gleam
Uglier than a freak on Church Street
Look like someone’s un-pedicured feet
Sho’nuff ugly. I said your love is sho’nuff muthafugly
Every time I see your la-la and your ta-ta’s
Make me lose my high, I sho’nuff can’t deny
I would go down on you and taste, ooh I wish I could
Hot sauce won’t even make it taste good
Won’t even make a brother hard like wood
Wimpy and limply like sautéed onions
Painfully ugly like ten year old bunions
Sho’nuff ugly, I said your love is sho’nuff muthafugly
You know what…somebody’s got to love her
Damn had to add the eleven herbs and spices
Ain’t goin’ home when you’re that ugly
Got an ugly ass baby too
It’s true…it’s true
And I love her…
Yes I must say I do
I’ll let the whole world know
Hot sauce didn’t work too well
But shit, you can’t give up on Tabasco


I Love you But, God Love's You More!

The Story of the Empty Easter Egg!

Marissa Granger was a brand new, fresh out of college, elementary school teacher. It was her first year without a mentor and she was completely frustrated on how the current school year had effected her. She made it through the Fall and was over the newness of teaching her 1st grade class. The Winter had arrived soon after and she was pleased with the amount of time off from work she could garner because of the holidays. Marissa was not a fan of the Winter and the flu season that fell upon her students to the point that she would adorn her desk, classroom phone, computer keyboard, and her student's hands with a generous amount of hand sanitizer. Marissa was not one who liked to become ill and she made sure not to catch anything that her 1st grade students may bring to her in the form of nasty germs. She had been waiting for the months that Spring would bring. She loved the warmer weather and that lightened her mood a bit in her classroom. She looked forward to the opportunity that the children would be able to go to recess and expend some of their built up energy.

Her students were well behaved and not that much trouble. She did have her favorites. Anthony was her sweetheart! He would always pay attention and obeyed the requests she asked him to complete. His grades were not the best, but his 2-front-teeth-missing smile was something she adored. He would compliment her and say she smelled like apples all of the time. Marissa could count on Anthony saying something to make her day bright. LaKeisha was another of her beloved students. Marissa thought that if she ever married and had children that she would love for her daughter to be just like LaKeisha! It would be Marissa's "mini-me" or her princess. LaKeisha would always know the latest songs and would sing them as she would walk in the classroom in the morning. LaKeisha tried hard to dress like Marissa in some form or fashion and Marissa thought it was sweet. She would let Marissa know that she wanted to sing to her all day, and that she loved her favorite teacher Miss. Granger. LaKeisha would be devastated if she was not able to get her Friday afternoon hug and her "Good Morning High Five" from Marissa!

Although Marissa had her favorites and her not-so favorites in her class, there was one student that she was not too fond of. Not to say he was belligerent and mischievous in her class, but she was concerned about his demeanor and inability to be like as they say, "the rest of the kids". Justin was developmentally challenged and required a little more attention than her other students. Justin was soft spoken and did not say too much to any of the kids in the class. He was a loner of sorts. He was not picked on by other students, and they did treat him kind and did not recognize any of his flaws. He did not speak as fast as other students, and had a little trouble getting his words out, but he was a beast on the playground and was always chosen first to play different games. Justin loved recess time. He knew he could run free and play with some of the kids at school that he knew better than the kids in his class. All in all, Marissa was frustrated with Justin's performance in class and his average grades. She wished she could figure out how to better his performance and had tried many different methods. She was reaching the point of hopelessness with Justin.

Since her favorite time of year was here, Marissa had an idea for an interesting "show and tell" project that would be a hit! She decided that she would purchase Easter eggs for her students to place what they thought of that reminds them of the Spring. Marissa also knew it would be a great way to waste some time the Friday before Easter break and countdown the end of the school year as well as her teaching career.

The day had finally arrived. It was Friday before Easter Break eve and Marissa had announced to the class that during recess time they were to find something that reminds them of Spring and place it in their Easter eggs! She handed an egg to each student as they walked out of the classroom door out into the hallway and then to the playground oasis that awaited the children outside. Marissa sat under a tree along with other teachers that were enjoying the wonderful bright and breezy Spring day. The laughter of the children was infectious and all on the playground had smiles on their faces. Some of the other teachers asked Marissa what her students were doing with the Easter eggs. Marissa told her colleagues and received laudatory praise about her idea. Some instructors said it was ingenious, a great way to enhance a lesson, and perfect to ease the anticipation of the Spring Break. Other instructors marveled and envied what Marissa planned and asked if they could emulate her idea. Marissa had no problem with her other fellow teachers sharing and borrowing her idea. Little did they know that Marissa didn't plan on ever using the idea again for she made up her mind that she would not return to teaching the next school year!

Recess was over and Marissa got her students settled and back in their desks. She noticed the clock was nearing the end of the school day, and of course her well-deserved Spring Break! She asked who wanted to "show and tell" first. Students all had their hands raised and were loud in their eagerness to share what they found and placed in their eggs. She called on one student and he shared his finding of a worm! Worms remind me of the Spring time because they are always out after it rains. Marissa was amused, but was not happy about the worm on her desk. She asked the student to take it back to his and the children then raised their hands hoping to be called on next. Marissa then called on LaKeisha. She walked briskly to the front of the class and showed everyone her dandelion. She said that every time the Spring comes the dandelions are always on the ground and that reminds her of Spring. Marissa presented a large smile along with LaKeisha and agreed with her. Marissa called on some other students before asking Anthony to present what he had in his Easter egg. Anthony opened his egg and showed the class 3 ladybugs that he found. He told the class that the ladybugs always show up in his neighborhood when the Spring would arrive. Marissa thought it was cute and smiled. The kids were in awe that Anthony was able to get the ladybugs into his egg without hurting them. Marissa continued to call on students methodically. She purposely waited to call on Justin last. She knew in her heart that Justin would not be as impressive with his findings as the other children were and prepared to make up for his not finding something spectacular and duplicating what other students had found.

Marissa finally asked Justin to present what he found and placed in his Easter egg. He slowly walked up to the front of the classroom and smiled. Marissa asked Justin to open his egg and reveal what he had. Justin opened his Easter egg and nothing was in it! As soon as all the students saw there was nothing in it they were shocked and there was nothing but a silent room! Marissa was afraid to ask, but she did! She asked Justin how does this empty egg remind you of Spring. Justin slowly and softly sad, "Jesus's tomb was empty wasn't it?" At that time the bell rang and all of the students except Justin ran out of the classroom to go on their Spring and Easter break. Marissa walked up to Justin with tears in her eyes and gave him a great big hug. He whispered in her ear, "What did I do wrong Miss. Granger?" She simply replied. "Nothing but remind me of the real meaning of Easter!" Marissa watched the children leave and asked if she could keep Justin's empty Easter egg. He said yes and left the classroom not knowing the impact he had on his first grade teacher. It took a student that she was not as fond, a student that was quiet and reserved, a child that was gentle and not as up to par as her other students, to remind her of the true meaning of Easter! It is not about eggs and bunnies. It is not about chocolates and baskets. Easter is about that empty tomb that Jesus was not in!

Marissa keeps that empty egg that Justin had on her desk to this day! She enjoys the exercise she made up for her student's long ago and wonders what other student will show her an empty egg. Unfortunately, none of them do!


I Love You, But God Loves You More!

The Family That Stays!!!

The Spring season is in full effect and most of us know what that entails… that’s right… celebrations that families call the family reunion! The setting is chosen and family members from all over the country are invited to have an enjoyable time and to catch up at this (for the most part) annual event.

I can remember the last family reunion I attended. There were pony rides, delicious food from all of the food groups and some new food groups that were invented, card games, board games, and yes even with some families the wonderful t-shirt with the praying hands on the front or back. Many of the t-shirts would also have the slogan “The family that prays together stays together!”. In addition, some families would visit the “home church” on that Sunday morning after the reunion and all members would sit and worship in their designated, roped off pews. Some families will take it to the next level and wear the exact same color on “home church” Sunday to show their solidarity!

It sounds beautiful on that reunion weekend how much family can care about and for each other, until reality sparks! It is quite alarming that the same type of family I just mentioned disappears in the situations of death, marriage, birth, money woes, and illness. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand that not all families are inattentive concerning the aforementioned, but there are many family units that just go away when times get rough.

I come from a fairly large family, and my relationship with my immediate family has been intermediate at best. I can recall that my mom and I were all that we could really depend on…PERIOD! Through whatever may be in the path. We usually got more concern and assistance from those that we did not know as family than those who were blood relatives. It is a shame that those that help us the most are people that have no blood relation to us. The people that show concern and actually act upon it are those that do not share our ancestry.

This blog is not meant to be negative, but to provide a positive reminder. We may have different last names, and not all have the same skin tones…but we all are family. We are fellow brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, cousins and nephews. We should all revisit the element of family and recognize that we are the only ones like us on this Earth and that one day we may need the help of our “brother or sister from another mother or mister”! Let’s not become ghost in the time of need. The very time that you dismiss aiding someone in your immediate or extended human family…don’t be too surprised when some how, some way, some day, you are denied the same aid!


I Love You, But God Love’s You More!

The White Flag

I am attempting not to character-lies how love presently defines itself to me
I propose it to be like intentionally sailing against the tide of a rambunctious river of regret
In my view I can see so called lovers throwing themselves overboard
and hearts sinking by the boat full
With no life rafts of reality in reach
Many of the passersby plot their love rescue missions like a Marine General
with the voice inflections and militant mindset of a Drill Sergeant
I am understanding now that love is solemn and then downright crazy at times
all while trying to interpret with earnest Love's language
Words...transforming into synchronized pants and moans of yearning
Coupled with facial distortions that change like the weather
It's then that I picture her lips, her face, her neck, her breasts, her thighs
just her...
I still relish her flavor and the chill I encountered the first and only time I swallowed her
Been searching for her ever since
We might have laid down for that one night, but I feel like I'm the one still standing
Lonely, like the arena after the encore
I realized that sometimes when you play exclusively
befuddling their touch as love
their embrace as affection
their kiss as confirmation
It's just a simple war game of touch and go
With rules of engagement that are meant to confuse
and we still try to make rhyme and reason out of them
So then we surrender... the conflict is over
With nothing but casualties in the end

I Love You But, God Love's You More!

Investment Strategy

Anything that is worth having is worth waiting for. If you have high expectations then you have to have a large amount of patience. You can apply the latter statements to the investment strategy. Let me explain.

I look at the dating scene with a different view than a lot of others. I look at it from that "old school" perspective. I am one that believes you have to be friends with that person that you desire to be your mate. Understand that this desire is not at the forefront, it just happens. Yeah I said it!! You do not expect it to happen, it just does.

For example, I can clearly recall letting a young lady know what I wanted in a woman. It was an in depth and series of conversations that were honestly just conversations about what I wanted and also what she desired. I has no intention trying to get her to be what it was that I wanted. She at that time was not what I wanted and i was not really feeling her or paying attention to her in that fashion.

In addition, she told me what she wanted in a man to the point that she took my advice and wrote down, her "top ten" list of what she wants and her non-negotiables. The main thing is that we were JUST FRIENDS! Everyone in our circle knew that we exemplified the true meaning of the word friends. We said we would always remain friends regardless of who we might end up with and always. We were that tight. I will say that we did have our bumps and pot holes in the road, but all TRUE FRIENDS will have those arise.

All of a sudden, our friendship grew into a relationship. How did it grow for me?

One morning I was taking some pictures of her and I took them because she did not have a lot of pictures posted on her web profile, and she wanted to show off her new pant suit. I looked at them when sending them to her and I had determined that I really liked her...maybe even loved her. It was an epiphany of sorts, and totally unexpected. But of course DAMN FOOL PRIDE (Future blog) that got in the way and I did not let her know. Well to make a long story short we did get together.

The important trend in all relationships is how strong the friendship is at the outset. That is when the investment comes into play. You place time and effort into your investment to garner the best return possible. The only difference in the investment strategy for love and relationships is that it is genuine and you are not EXPECTING a return or a profit from your earnings.

What you gain is a person who loves you and cares about you. What you receive in your portfolio is more credit in and from what you have placed into your portfolio....credit meaning belief, trust, and of course love to mention a few. The types and positions of investments will fluctuate over time. There will be gains and losses. There will be some give and take whether large or small. I can assure you that you might question your investment and might want to take your assets to another institution. I would suggest you hang in there unless there is illegal and inside trading of emotions, dispersion of lies, cashing checks of dishonesty, etc.

So what is your investment strategy? Has your portfolio been one with diverse investments coming in and out? Is it a portfolio that has not been shared by you with another? All in all the first person to invest in is you. If you don't, you will wonder why no one wants to take stock in what you have to offer!

I Love You, But God Love's You More!

The Praying Mother

She closes the pages of the 23rd Psalm
It seems to be the only thing that keeps her holding on
It's hard for her faith not to change
Enduring constant physical and emotional pain
But she opts to take the one choice that erases her fears...
And prays it away

Five dollars left and her child must eat
Somehow she's able to put a meal together until she gets paid that next week
She tries hard to not let her child see
How difficult life can certainly be
Her family members talk a good game
But she knows she can't ask them for a thing
But through all the tears
The only thing that will erase her fears...
And prays it away

You could hear her sniffles in her bedroom at night
Smiling and holding you...telling you that everything is alright
Never blaming the quality of life on an absent man
When she knows she is doing all she can
Even when the end never seems near
But through the silent tears
She knows the only thing that will erase all her fears...
And prays it away

Some people may mistake the journey and call it heartache
When you have taken all that you can take
But you remember that mother
Who wouldn't rely on any other
Than her Heavenly Father...
Closer than a sister or brother
Strength that comes from her tears
Endurance that lasts from all the years
Faith that refuses to change
Knowing that it's a blessing to live through the
Come what may...
Thank Jesus for the mother that
Prays it away


I Love You, But God Love's You More!

Hands and Knees

Loving you is like submitting myself to humility while on my hands and knees
Your love is like a see-saw plunging me in and out of the depths and pit of your horrid game
You solicit love like a classified ad
soliciting your love like religious tracts...hand to hand...door to door
While I am still on my hands and knees
cleaning up what you've spilled and what you bitch over
Though I have aches and pains...notwithstanding my hurt
My eyes cry
My eyes produce pure, clean, unadulterated tears
None like the acid filled, high pressured, self righteous,
sea salt filled substance that runs down your cheeks
I am on my hands and knees
pleading with love to let me go from you
Our episodes were dry and cancelled long ago
Low ratings and suppressed anticipation for the production
of lust do not touch, tantalize, and tease the channels of my desire
Picture me on my hands and knees disconnecting my umbilical cable cord from you
Imagine me hoping to be nourished by another
That gives birth to sessions of love that create
a picture show of colors and expressions that
neither Michael Angelo or Picasso could ever imagine
I am rising from my hands and knees
releasing tension from your heart's puppet strings
Knowing that your emotional arthritis stifles love
in every form and fashion
ever fathomed

I Love You But, God Love's You More!

Remember Richard Crabhouse...Ode to the whore!!

The blunt was still simmering when you left the Candy Boyz

Love was spread all around...from the tips of moist fingers, to the tune of dry lips

No one ever asked about the creases in the passenger seat of the Accord or the Sonata

She said she liked the taste of Rita's Sugar Balls

Take the time for you to be doing you…like she would be doing me for the night

The car is still waiting...idling

But no one is coming over

Who's gonna make you happy?

Because she won't freak you!

Speed off but take it slow…she will do it for me!

No luck for you!



Remember the times when you and me…

We were with Pat and Ron… much like menage trios plus one

Sauced it up

Tossed it up

And said screw it.



You took her to the club...they denied it

You took her to alphabet street…still couldn't buy it

All I would suggest is that you don't try it

'Cause all of the other crew will cause a riot



Tell her...

Do you want to come easily?

Crack that Boone's with me?

As the chronic leaves burn slowly…

There is a red mark on your cheek!



I guess you won't stop asking me until you try

I want those chocolate thighs…

My head on the inside…

Doing a greasy slide…

You've been in my seat before

Stop frontin' like you haven't

It's the same black Honda Accord

The creases in the seat remember you

From your last interview

We lit it up…

Your heel prints still on the dashboard.



I Love You But, God Love's You More!!

BLOCK!!!

I do not know why I do have writer's block, but I do! It is not that I don't have stuff to write about, it is that I do not know (for the first time) how to articulate what it is I want to say. I know it is a serious condition! So please help me! What do you do to generate ideas and end writer's block?


I Love You But, God Love's You More!

Where Have I Been??

A lot of changes have taken place since I last posted. I do apologize for not posting as often as I should, but all is well with me. Without going into too much detail let's say that I retired from my job, and I have been having a lot of fun for millions of reasons. lol

You will hear back from me very soon with a lot of new stuff for me to present on my blog so stay tuned...what I have to say will shock and awe...the way only I can do!!

I Love You But God Love's You More!!

Birthday and Mother's Day 2010!!

I am glad to have been born on this day and I thank God I am able to complete and begin another year! Today is Mother's Day to me and so Happy Mother's Day mommy! I miss you! Thanks to all of you for wishing me well on today!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Don't Spit Game, If You Don't Plan To Swallow!

It is fun to do at times when you are younger and immature…spitting game. The older you get the less tolerant you are of relinquishing your ignorance towards others…at least most of us who qualify as adults with good common sense! That is what “spitting game” is all about. There was a time (in my high school years) that it was cool and regarded highly to be a “player” or to parade around with many ladies/men because you could. You had it “going on” when you were able to gain another phone number for your cell phone (or pager codes for us 90’s people in the smart beep age) that you could call at your leisure. It is clear that the “player” is still “playing” and the “game” has not changed. I will say with confidence that the age of the “player” (by age I do mean numerical representation of years a person has lived on this Earth) continues to increase and the ignorance displayed does as well.

I would suggest that if the “player” is going to “spit game”, then the “player” should be prepared to swallow. I have a few rules for the “player” to live by, and if the “player” doesn’t abide by these rules, they should not “spit game” or ever attempt to “play”. You never see a wealthy man claim how rich he is, nor do you ever know the plays in the coach’s playbook…unless you are on the team!

A few rules…

1. In order to be a “player” you MUST tell the truth! “Spitting game” is not about lying and it is essential for the truth to be told. If you want the real sense of pride and grandeur, tell the truth…real certified pimps have no choice!

2. If you are going to “spit game” have a good memory! Most people who “spit game” have the lines down to a science and do not deviate. Say what you have said before since it works and make sure you remember the responses you receive, the names you are introduced to, and all information about that man/woman!

3. “Players” do not need one organ of the human body…a heart! Remember that the “game” is tough and not for those who have “feelings” and “emotions”…they get in the way. Do not “spit the game” and try to be a “player” if you have a heart. Having a heart that can be broken means that you will spend time on your knees, and every “player” can never be seen or imagined doing that!

4. “Spitting game” also means that you do not spread the “facts” about your life to those who do not need to know. I am sure the worse thing that could happen is that someone that knows you well can tell someone that you are “spitting game” to all about your past and your current dating situation. It will not make you look good and will diminish your status and fame as a “player”. The rule should be that if it does not help you, no one needs to know!

5. Make sure that you look good and have an enticing aesthetic appearance at all times. With the aforementioned in mind, you must be attractive and have impeccable hygiene. You can not have breath that stinks, hair that is not cut or styled. You have to be able to make sure that if a paparazzi or paparazzo in training is taking a photo (with an I-phone or digital camera) is in your path that you are ready to take that photo with ease. Those that are “players” know that it is important that your image is not tarnished by a picture that is unsightly and embarrassing. We all know that posting your photos on social networking sights like Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace makes you and automatic model. The more photos you have up there the better your modeling career and “player” status improves! In addition, make sure to take photos with ladies/men that you know are attractive. If you don’t, your rank to be able to “pull” the “fine’ ones will diminish incredibly!


If you have any rules or suggestions to add to this short list please do. Help the “player” in training…I think we all need to look out for them! I would rather someone to spit at me than to spit on me!


I Love You, But God Loves You More!

How to receive love...

Much in my life has been taken away from me. All of my life I have given something up. I have had specific items tangible and those that are not stolen from me. Because of that, the empty space has been substituted. I feel like I am a repository of pain. I suppose that is the reason I can not take. That is the reason that that I would rather give to someone else than receive. There is a woman that loves me. I suppose she recognized the pain that I have inside and decided that her love would outweigh and replace my pain. When did I decide to let her love me? When did I decide that her love could erase hurting that has been built up for years? When did I decide that pushing the envelope and pushing just to push, might send her over the edge and for her to decide not to love me anymore? I can’t make the decision of whether or not someone can love me, but I can persuade them that their love can’t erase my agony. I realize that this is my mistake and my problem.

I have had so much snatched away from me, and the residual pride that has been instilled in me gets some sick joy or gratification that “this (fill in the blank) is just like the rest”. I will be the first to admit that it is not right. Unlike the others, I don’t want her to walk away. Unlike before, I know I need her to stay with me. Unlike before I can see. I can place my head on her chest and let it all out, like I did with my mother. I can trust her and not feel that I am going to lose. Why is it so difficult for me to take when someone is giving? I do not desire the “damn fool pride” to reside in me as it has taken root in my soul, to not allow anyone to see me in pain. If the truth be told, they can already see. If the truth be told, it is as apparent as the sun and the moon. It is as clear as the winter’s snow and the summer’s heat. Yet she decided that from what I have given to her, she would give to me as long as I understand that what she is giving is exclusive to me and as difficult for her to give as it is for me to be the recipient.

The only person I can blame is me, and the only person who needs to get it together is me. All that I ask from her is to know that I recognize all of what needs to be done for her to be with me. I don’t want her to hurt and I want to do the same for her as she has done for me, with nothing in return. I can not give to her without taking. It is a partnership and an affirmation of trust that should be guarded, respected, and never taken at face value. It is simply giving without expecting anything in return. It is the genuine preface of love.


I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Happiness...It is a process!

It is an epidemic at times. I have seen it and experienced it for myself. It is called not being happy. What do you do to change it? My answer…it is a process. I had to understand me. I had to get to know me. I had to love me. I had to like me. I had to accept me. I had to accept my situations and state of affairs and in some cases not be happy with it, but accept it for what it is. You have to be honest with yourself. Overall you have to learn to be comfortable about you and be comfortable with you, to be able to become happy. It takes time and yes...it is a process.

In order for you to be in a relationship with another person, you must first have a wonderful and complete relationship with yourself. If you want someone who is going to be honest with you, try and execute being honest with your self. In all that you desire from a mate or another individual, look inward and start with the person who will love you better than any other human being. YOU!!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!