Where is the Reset Button?

 

The common response to someone not feeling happy is to have them to think of positive things that they should be grateful for.  Does that imply that the person is not grateful for the blessings in their life? That will be discussed later.  So, if a person then is not happy even if they are grateful for what they have in their life is one to then think about those who are not as fortunate? That will be discussed later as well.  Of course, someone will try to say that you are complaining and then circle toward the think of what you have been blessed with, think of how bad it could be, think of those who are not as fortunate, God won’t give you more than you can handle, keep thinking positive, trouble doesn’t last always, etc.  However, even with the thought and considering all the other facets…still not happy!

Grateful yes, sure could be in a place that is worse than I am in now.  However, either way I would not be happy.  I truly do believe a person can be grateful for what has been allowed in their life and still not be happy.  Many folks have all the riches in the world and are grateful to have been able to use their talents to achieve great heights.  It does not mean they are happy.

Those that are not as fortunate, I am not able to determine their happy.  Am I to assume that just because those individuals are not in the position, I am in that the default mode is automatic despair?  I am not sure about that.  Some individuals thrive and are content with less.  Some are content with the bare minimum as their maximum.  I am not able to quantify their specific life threshold.  However, the topic comes back around to the subject of happiness. 

It is more apparent to me that I am not happy.  If the reset button could be pressed, I would press it as quick as possible. I had the simple realization this morning that others will leave your shit on empty as long as they achieve their mission. Some won’t even tell you of the status and let you find out on your own and then you spend your time trying to make sure you can function with the little that is left until you can just pour into it with the little that you have. This has been written and said before and I will stick to it.  I care about me.  I love me. I will not even fathom that anyone else has my back but me! I will get my happy back.  There might be some grand changes on the horizon, but I will get it.

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

When the Chicken Doesn't Fry Anymore

Weird name for a blog post right?  Welp, that is how I feel about this topic. The chicken isn't going to fry anymore, no matter how much heat you put on it, change the pan/pot/air fryer, get a new range or not. The chicken will not fry.

In recent weeks I have sat back and observed others close to me, others not close to me, and of course myself. I have seen that I am the way I am because of my past and experiences...of course that is moot. However, that's the pivot.  For example, you can tell someone about your past trauma or triumph and another will chime in with their story (which of course is worse than yours) to either relate to your tragedy, expose the heroics of their triumph, or create the pivot point to get the attention you had initially from others listening to your story. That is that pivot that changes the conversation and becomes one of focusing on the severity of the trauma, the effects of the trauma, all the bullshit within the trauma, and not on the person who was initially telling their tale of trials and tribulations. That pivot is a damn bitch.  Yes we ALL have done it.  What's the reason why?  What is the use of the comparison?  Is this the basis of arguments for rationalizing behavior that is wrong then, wrong now, and wrong in the future?  Is it a part of how we explain why we do wrong stuff that was wrong then, wrong now, and wrong in the future?  

Watch the big question coming up. Is the use of the comparison to get reprieve to those that did us wrong in our past or to show that is was fucked up then, fucked up now, and fucked up in the future?  Last one I promise... is the pivot our right (as the ones hurt by these actions) to give the reason/excuse why we can let the shit go and move on and live? You will have to answer that for yourself.

Is the pivot we use an excuse...or a reason?  I think we crave the attention we get from our past experiences and the childhood we had. Whether the childhood was good, bad, or indifferent, we are effected by it...STILL.  Whether our experiences in life (outside the family and childhood) was/is good, bad, or indifferent, we are effected by it...STILL. Of course relationships that were not beneficial are STILL effecting us whether good, bad, or indifferent.  I suppose that is the way of the world that we have inherited. We try so hard not to make the same mistake that we have made, not make the same mistake we have experienced from others, not make the same mistake we have seen from others, that we make mistakes that we didn't even think we would make. Then we continue the cycle of making that pivot again as to why the mistake was made because we tried not to make it.  LOL  It is crazy.  

Do I have any solutions?  Nope. Just realize that the pivot is not wise to lean on.  The pivot does not absolve us from what we do and what others have done in this small world.  Our paths will cross each other, our past will cross each other, and sometimes the chicken won't fry anymore. The same song, same flavor, same routine, same recipe...it has gotten old and something new should arise. Try frying the fish, it might be better!

I Love You, But God Loves You More!

Stories

I remember the stories I was told

Some I had heard before

Others that would give me hope

I guess it is my turn

As the globe provides years to learn

All about what it means

to be me

I remember the times that were hard

Some memories can be free

Others that I charge to myself

I know that some memories aren't free

The price can cause a pain that is too deep

All about what it means

to be me

I remember the friends

Some relationships I longed for

Others that had to end

Getting older and wiser all the while

learning from my mistakes

All about what it means

to be me

I remember the stories that unfold

I hope for the stories that will cause a smile

I wish for the stories that I'd never want to forget

Other stories that have yet to be written

It might take time to see

All about what it means 

to be me

Lord Knows I'm Trying

 

The past few days have been a struggle.  Yesterday was bad since the 49ers lost the NFC Championship game. However, I am proud my team made it that far with four different quarterbacks.  That is a hell of a feat. I digress.  Lord knows I am trying.  I know what I am used to. I know what gives me stability. I know what gives me energy and hope. The crazy thing is that for the past 2.5 years I have been amid confusion, turmoil, bliss, uncertainty, happiness, triumph, all at the same time. That is not me! I know it is life, but damn! I supposed I can’t complain. Others have it worse than me. So, what in the hell do I do? Lord knows I’m trying.

This is not easy.  I am a person that strives off direction, personal control, and hope.  When all of those facets are gone, I might as well be gone with it. Grant it, has it come close…yes.  Has there been a breakdown to the point of no longer ever having a reset button…yes.  What is it that keep me going now…Lord knows I’m trying. Some would say ask God for guidance.  That is a good suggestion.  The question I would pose is…What if God does not want me to be guided?  Now I am not trying to be blasphemous.  The issue is the issue.  Hasn’t that been my issue?  The guided path that is of a predictable nature that leads to me knowing where I go and what I want to do?  Maybe guidance will do more harm than good.

Then there is the issue of me being able to “not panic” and “relax”. I am trying to do both. Lord knows I’m trying.  I do not have the best track for relaxing.  I feel something should always be accomplished. Something should always show my progress.  In addition, there is always something I am thinking, and my relaxation is stunted.  Do I stop thinking? I get paid to think.  I have been thinking all of my life…hard to do that now. Lord knows I am trying.

For the first time I will ask for suggestions from the readers of this note.  Please do not tell me to gain access to a substance that will inebriate me.  I do believe that is a temporary solution. Got any ideas?  Please share. Lord knows I am trying.  Just hope it can be accomplished before it is to late!

I Love You But God Loves You More!

Feelings aren't Facts!!

 

Many times, I have sat in on conversations and discussions that have gotten heated, and anger has been displayed.  In one of these recent conversations in which I had the wonderful displeasure to be in ear shot of, I made a comment.  The nature of the comment was interrogative in nature and was exactly what I was thinking.  I asked a question about the actions of people. I should have kept my mouth shut. 

The ringleader of the dialog decided to ask me a question out of being offended by my question. I responded to the matter stating that the question asked to me is of a personal nature. That is my answer.  The ringleader decided to make the deathly mistake of answering the question for me because I “implied” something with the question I asked. Those that know me well have a good idea of how I speak, and I don’t have to imply a damn thing.  I am an adult; I will tell you how I feel and have that great talent of delivering messages clearly and communicate effectively.  Fuck that implication shit!

I reckon this person wanted me to argue about the “implication” that was taken from my question.  I simply stated when the silly ringleader decided to push back on my answer that, “feelings are not facts”. When I said that, I guess feelings got hurt and then the other party wanted to argue. I wasn’t taking that feeling bait and I left the chat.

I have learned the hard way that feelings don’t mean a thing and do not create a stronger argument.  There are those who feel that if they get the last word that they are correct.  NAW.  Then there are those individuals that feel that if they elevate the volume of their voice then their claim is law. NAW. Then there are those that have degrees in arguing and that they will twist, turn, and transmogrify any word you retort to try to gain an advantage and be right. NAW. Some of you know where I am going with this.  Others of you might be a person that has attempted one of those antics. Judgment from me? Read above…I don’t imply. However, it is okay. I am here to help.

The post-modernistic nature of this world is to have long and drawn-out banter of who is right and who is wrong.   There are television shows, podcasts, plenary sessions, church services, court cases, social media posts, Tik Tok videos, magazines, books, etc., to challenge the right vs. wrong phenomena. Some people use evidence and others don’t.  Some go to search engines and retrieve as many sources of information (reliable or otherwise) to bolster their claim.

Isn’t this the nature of life? Hold on…then the nature of right and wrong is challenged by life experiences, religious views, editorials, books, podcasts, scientific experiments, superstitions, etc. It’s too damn much! I would like to submit a new option to get through those right vs. wrong conversations.

DO NOT HAVE THEM!

1. Why the right vs. wrong conversations should be avoided.
2. My opinion will not change until evidence rebukes my claim.  Leave it alone.
3. Their opinion will not change until evidence rebukes their claim. Leave it alone.
4.  Many folks feel right in their own eyes and vice versa. Does it really matter? Leave it alone.
5.  Many will learn their plight through experiences that change their sense of right and wrong.  So why waste time trying to do something that will eventually happen? Leave it alone.
6. Facts change, truth changes…evidence doesn’t.  Evidence speaks for itself. Leave it alone.
7. Oh, in case you might have missed it… Leave it alone!

Peace... I Love You But God Loves You More!

 

 

 

I am back!

It has been a long time since I have written in this thing.  I suppose that I will write again as a bit of a release from years of frustration and change.  What am i doing now?  I am in a transition period.  No need for all the details for those that do not know since my last entry. However, just know that I will try to do this writing exercise more.  I will say that I am more intelligent than the last time I wrote upon this blog. The world has changed overall. 

There is much emphasis placed upon perception.  How does one look to the outer world rather than to the self.  The importance of the self has increased.  For instance, if a person is offended, they will let you know how offended they are, how offended others in their similarly situated realm are, and anyone else who wants to join their plight of being offended is welcome to exclaim their feeling of offense.  What a muse indeed!  So, this is the highly advertised world that we all live in. 

Some of these people that hate what they are and love what they are not. (Let me put a check mark by that since I felt that way years ago).  Remember the offended folks? Those folks (after the offensive party has been planned, held, and attended) will let you know how offended they are to the part of them that they emulate knowing damn well that the part that should not be offended is the very part they hate the most.  The person who they love is a fictional cartoon world character that has posted on social media for likes and comments to sooth their insecurities. All the while, they are not finding solutions to heal the person they hate and separate from the person they love.

Gosh it has been a long time since i have written.  I must do this again to rid my frustrations of the worlds I see in my life and what I have experienced in my life.  Yes, there is a difference. So, I will just keep this little note in this virtual book.  Got to remind myself of the things I need to do to stay back!  Stay back in the sense of writing in the book a bit more.  As usual I have a list I will try my best to abide by.

The Stay Back List

1. Make a serious effort to be cool in all situations.  If I feel that anger itch or the frustration squeeze excuse myself and let that shit be!

 

2. Be more grateful for what I have been blessed with and given.

 

3. Learn to relax.  It is new to me, so I will try to do the best I can.

 

4. Pity parties are only for a table of one.  AIn't no one going to sit with you and I sure as hell don't want to sit with them.

 

5. Let it out in a healthy way.  Whatever that "it" might be, don't let that "it" consume you to the point you lose yourself or others that really give a damn about your well-being.

 

6. It could always be worse.  You may only have $5.00 in your pocket while someone next to you might only have $2.00.

 

7. Speak life into others and be kind.  I can make myself feel better being nice and kind to others.  It is a vibe of choice. Take that vibe and make it a groove.

 

Peace... I Love You But God Loves You More!

The "R" Word!

It has been awhile since I have written on this blog. So if you are old and/or new welcome! The reason I have been away has simply been because of time.  I have been very busy accomplishing goals and trying to relax my mind so that I can accomplish goals. I have had some changes in my career…new ladies to date…an almost near invasion on this blog…okay it was invaded and it still might be invaded to this day. I guess some people want to analyze me on this public forum and feel that it is my life.  People don’t seem to realize that the blog forum could be for information purposes, to let out frustrations, to share art, and so on. To use the words on this blog as a symbol of a person’s life is wrong. In addition, using the blog as a way to get to know someone is not wise either.  I am saying this because I don’t want to have to block my blog from others and this person might still be trying to follow what I am writing and if they are...enjoy the entertainment. I was going to parse my words because of the incident, but I’m not! This form is MINE! I digress.

Life has been interesting and I am taking it as it comes.  The funny thing is that last night I realized that the thing that is good for me I might not want and the thing that I might want I have allowed someone else to get.  It is funny. It almost makes me want to use the “R” word…REGRET! Something most of us do not want to do. However, it is a sign of maturity if you are able to realize that a specific action...a decision might be a wrong one. The decision is something that you wish you could take back and/or correct, but you can’t. I was feeling this way last night and also for awhile.  I don’t know what to say about it because I try to get it out of my head, and yet it is there.  In addition the decisions I have made have made it virtually impossible to try to change.  So I guess I will live with it. I think the other party knows and it may be mutual.  I am not sure.  If the feeling is mutual…well I wonder if the idea of REGRET has hit everyone.

I Love You But, God Loves You More!